I try to ignore extra commas in most cases because they can simply represent minor pauses in dialogue the characters may make, but panel five
here reads "So don't hold back, anymore.". This also could be fine, but it's especially odd to me that Maytag wouldn't say the whole thing as a single thought, instead of briefly pausing to decide to add "anymore" for clarification or emphasis. Like I said, it could be fine, but "So don't hold back anymore." is more natural to me.
Panel five
here reads "occured" instead of "occurred". Panel seven on
the same page reads "self awareness" instead of "self-awareness".
Panel eight
here reads "breath" instead of "breathe". Panel nine
the same page mixes using "these" and "this" to refer to the same thing. There are various ways to change this if one wanted to, but I'm not saying Lehm necessarily would think of this in the moment when continuing his thought.
Panel three
here reads "you can brings things" instead of "you can bring things". Panel four on
the same page reads "written to yourself..!" instead of "written to yourself...!" (I'm just pointing it out in case it was unintentional; do whatever.). Panel eight on
the same page has Corona missing the black area by her left eye.
Panel one
here reads "There's two problems with taking in a message." instead of "There are two problems with taking in a message.".
Panel six
here has lowercase text like the original note does, but the replacement text has "come see me" lacking punctuation such as a period or semicolon before "we need to talk." (do whatever; just mentioning). Perhaps more importantly, the same panel seems to spell Bernadette's name "Bernodette", where the "a" that should be in her name resembles an "o" much better than it resembles the "a" in "talk" on the same note within that panel. I realize this could be a question of the proximity of the "d" after it, though, but at least at this zoom it's unclear that it should be an "a".
Panel five
here reads "illsuion" instead of "illusion". Panel six on
the same page reads "illusary" instead of "illusory".
Panel two
here reads "dilligently" instead of "diligently".
Panel one
here reads "She's right Corona." instead of "She's right, Corona.". Panel four on
the same page reads "furthe" instead of "further".
Panel eight
here reads "it's own!" instead of "its own!".
Panel two
here reads "it's own." instead of "its own.".
Panel two
here reads "There's something important we forgot to address, isn't there Corona?" instead of "There's something important we forgot to address, isn't there, Corona?".
Panels two and three
here read "phase 3", while panels four and five read "phase two", which is inconsistent in that one phase uses a numeral while the other spells out the number.
(I'm going to skip mentioning intermission mistakes unless you say you want them, Brion.)
Panel three
here reads "with out search" instead of "with our search".
Panel seven
here reads "Lie, why are we doing this?" instead "Like, why are we doing this?".
Panel three
here reads "Mr Glyph" instead of "Mr. Glyph".
Panel one
here reads "let's" instead of "lets".