Author Topic: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(  (Read 8053 times)

RoninAngel

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So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« on: March 30, 2009, 11:57:29 am »
 :(.

So 3 weeks ago I met this girl well running errends and we really hit it off. I thought I maybe she could be my new girlfreind.
She is a busy girl and lives in another town but I thought we could work it out. Then she started going to school on top of having a really demanding job. I said that I was willing to put forth the extra effort just to see her. Then she told me yesterday that she is engaged! This is after we went out together and had what I thought was a really good time.

I couldn't jive with it. When I thought she was single I was willing to put in the extra effort to see if it would become a real relationship but now I don't really want to see her for a while. I am kind of resentful that she has a fiance and she neglected to mention it until it she could use it as an excuse not to see me.
I told her that she can give me a call if she ever breaks up with him, but till then I don't want to see her anymore.

All pretty standard right? In the dating scene, stuff like this is the costs of doing busness...

But...

I also have a boyfriend.

For those of you who don't know, I have been involved with or living together with another man for more then 2 years. We have an arangment. I can date other girls, just not other guys. I'm fine with that becuase two penises is more then enough for me already. I can occasionally mess with girls I like as long as he doesn't have to hear about it too much.
But I thought this girl was special and I was hoping she could be my other monogomys partner. I was going to tell her about my boyfriend the next time we were alone together and hopefully we could begin to start dating for real, become a real couple.

Now I sad and miss her but I also feel like a hypocrite for dumping her for the exact same thing I am currently doing!  :(
I don't know how to feel about this. But I feel really sad. :(

 
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UmberIsSexy

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2009, 12:17:16 pm »
1) So, there's a piece missing here.  Were you guys openly romantic before she told you this?

2) (not really related to anything, but I'm curious) - Was she hot?

RoninAngel

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2009, 12:26:18 pm »
I thought I was....  :-\
I mean I flirted with her the entire time.
She's a smart girl, there's no way she didn't know I liked her like that unless she was being obtuse on purpuse...  :-\

Whatever... girls make me so mad  >:(.
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2009, 12:33:13 pm »
Well, you know... You can't expect her to want to be with you if you're already in a relationship, especially after whining about her being in one already. You're both in the wrong here.

And no, the fact that she's a girl doesn't make it more wrong for her to do this. Don't be an even bigger hypocrite.
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Admiral Apocalypto

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2009, 12:41:01 pm »
Here's the thing, Ronin.  You didn't dump her, because you weren't together.  She's engaged, and she told you this when she saw that you thought things were serious.  Also...other monogamous couple?  How...how does that make sense at all?

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2009, 12:50:23 pm »
Now I sad and miss her but I also feel like a hypocrite for dumping her for the exact same thing I am currently doing!  :(
I don't know how to feel about this. But I feel really sad. :(

 



More details? It sounds like you made some assumptions about the relationship you shouldn't have...it's easy to do when you meet a cool chica and you're all like "she coulda been my girlfriend!"

Also, sounds like she was trying to stay out of it by telling you she was engaged. She wasn't doing the exact same thing at all.

You just need to not think so far ahead so fast, that's all.

RoninAngel

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2009, 01:16:07 pm »
Well, you know... You can't expect her to want to be with you if you're already in a relationship, especially after whining about her being in one already. You're both in the wrong here.

And no, the fact that she's a girl doesn't make it more wrong for her to do this. Don't be an even bigger hypocrite.

Yes I can whine. It's how I feel. I can feel guilty for feeling that way though.  :-\

Yes the gender thing is irrelevant. That doesn't make me feel any better though.  :-\

Quote from: UmberIsSexy
  1) So, there's a piece missing here.  Were you guys openly romantic before she told you this?

2) (not really related to anything, but I'm curious) - Was she hot?

1. The more I think about it, the less clear it is... :-\
2. Well she was a little fat (she said she had a thryroid problem), but it looked fine on her. She had a pretty face and her intelligence and sence of humor was extremely sexy. Over all 7/10. A good catch  :).
 
Quote from:  Admiral Apocalypto
Here's the thing, Ronin.  You didn't dump her, because you weren't together.  She's engaged, and she told you this when she saw that you thought things were serious.  Also...other monogamous couple?  How...how does that make sense at all?

Yes I am beginning to see that. At least from her point of veiw. From my point of veiw, I liked her enough for her to be my girlfreind and was ready to take the next step.

But I am going to ignore your second comment. You know very well there are many different relationship styles.

Quote from: CystalDragonSpaceMarine
More details? It sounds like you made some assumptions about the relationship you shouldn't have...it's easy to do when you meet a cool chica and you're all like "she coulda been my girlfriend!"

Also, sounds like she was trying to stay out of it by telling you she was engaged. She wasn't doing the exact same thing at all.

You just need to not think so far ahead so fast, that's all.

Yes. I get attached easily.  :-\ I have learned to be less creepy about it and not obsess or call too much, but when I like someone; I know it rather quickly. I wish it was easier for me to be aloof. I would get hurt less.  :(

 
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 01:20:13 pm by RoninAngel »
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Admiral Apocalypto

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2009, 01:21:48 pm »
Many relationship styles?  Yes.  I'm not judging open relationships.  I'm just amused that you think it's "monogamy" if you're dating two different people.

RoninAngel

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2009, 01:35:11 pm »
Many relationship styles?  Yes.  I'm not judging open relationships.  I'm just amused that you think it's "monogamy" if you're dating two different people.

Semantics, Shemantics.   ;)
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 01:40:28 pm by RoninAngel »
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Admiral Apocalypto

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2009, 01:37:32 pm »
Ha, why do people act like semantics aren't important?

And on a more important note, why would you want to actually date two people at once?

RoninAngel

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2009, 01:42:13 pm »
Um... becuase I have sexual needs...  (duh ::) ).

And becuase we've been together so long that my boyfreind and are more like best freinds then anything else. 
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 01:51:50 pm by RoninAngel »
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2009, 01:44:18 pm »
Of course you can whine. It just seems to me like you were expecting a bit too much.
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RoninAngel

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2009, 01:52:33 pm »
Well we'll never know now, will we...  :(
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 01:57:41 pm by RoninAngel »
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2009, 02:00:06 pm »
Ha, why do people act like semantics aren't important?

And on a more important note, why would you want to actually date two people at once?

You know there are people who aren't mentally wiered for monogamy, right? I'm one of those myself, and has, as long as I remember, had deeper feelings for two girls at any given moment, and then it's only logical to want committed relationships with both. I bet there are those who are wiered for even more partners simultaneously aswell.

Secondly, I think what Ronin tries to say when he's writing 'my other monogamous partner' is that he isn't really interested in open relationships but do want two, paralell relationships that are exclusive to those already involved. Am I correct Ronin?


RoninAngel

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2009, 02:01:32 pm »
Ha, why do people act like semantics aren't important?

And on a more important note, why would you want to actually date two people at once?

You know there are people who aren't mentally wiered for monogamy, right? I'm one of those myself, and has, as long as I remember, had deeper feelings for two girls at any given moment, and then it's only logical to want committed relationships with both. I bet there are those who are wiered for even more partners simultaneously aswell.

Secondly, I think what Ronin tries to say when he's writing 'my other monogamous partner' is that he isn't really interested in open relationships but do want two, paralell relationships that are exclusive to those already involved. Am I correct Ronin?



That's the gist of it... :D

I din't want to use the term "Polyamory" here becuase it seemed too loaded, too many different people coming and going. I couldn't handle that.  :-\

But two lovers I could handle...  :D
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 02:04:32 pm by RoninAngel »
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #15 on: March 30, 2009, 02:08:08 pm »
Then I think you and I are wiered in a similiar way, although I'm a ladies man all the way

Admiral Apocalypto

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #16 on: March 30, 2009, 02:50:15 pm »
Ha, who said anything about monogamy?  I didn't say anything about being in one relationship and sleeping with someone else, or sleeping with many people, but two full, actual relationships?  That just sounds like too much to deal with.

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2009, 03:17:18 pm »
Greedy bastards.

[/joking]
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #18 on: March 30, 2009, 03:50:07 pm »
Eh, maybe it's just because I currently have zero that I'd be satisfied with one.

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #19 on: March 30, 2009, 05:43:05 pm »
I feel for you man.
Hi.
I've been out for two years, so warn me if I act like I missed something obvious. ^^;

...oh, and to anyone who missed me, I'm open to hugs, kisses, and intense tearful cuddles.

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #20 on: March 30, 2009, 06:08:55 pm »
@ronin: Did she know about your boyfriend?  If thats the case she may have never given a second thoughtto your relationship being more than a friendship and your flirting as some fun teasing.

The human species (male side at least) is PRIMARILY wired for polygamy.  In the vast majority of species out there, those who mate for life normally have very few outward differences between the male and female while those who 'spread their seed' normally have much more differences with males often larger and stronger, or covered in plumage to attract females, etc.  Obviously many of us men do stay with a single woman all our lives thanks to intelligence and humanity's morals but we're mostly wired, genetically, to be interested in 'spreading our seed' across as many women as possible.  There are variations in the primary genetic behaviour with some examples of Elephant seals choosing to mate for life rather than fight for females and territory or, in the female's case, seek out such a male, but they are the exceptions.

I forget the reasons and examples behind human females being less sexually active and more prone to single-partner relationships.  Something in line with the nesting habit *shrug*.
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RoninAngel

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #21 on: March 30, 2009, 07:38:10 pm »
@ronin: Did she know about your boyfriend?  If thats the case she may have never given a second thoughtto your relationship being more than a friendship and your flirting as some fun teasing.
No. That's the problem. I was just about to tell her and she got mad at me and told me about her fiance. That's why I feel like a hypocrite  :(

The human species (male side at least) is PRIMARILY wired for polygamy.  In the vast majority of species out there, those who mate for life normally have very few outward differences between the male and female while those who 'spread their seed' normally have much more differences with males often larger and stronger, or covered in plumage to attract females, etc.  Obviously many of us men do stay with a single woman all our lives thanks to intelligence and humanity's morals but we're mostly wired, genetically, to be interested in 'spreading our seed' across as many women as possible.  There are variations in the primary genetic behaviour with some examples of Elephant seals choosing to mate for life rather than fight for females and territory or, in the female's case, seek out such a male, but they are the exceptions.

I forget the reasons and examples behind human females being less sexually active and more prone to single-partner relationships.  Something in line with the nesting habit *shrug*.
I seem to remember something about a woman's brain releasing some kind of hormone that makes her like her partner more after sex (or maybe after she has a baby; I'm vague on the details  :-\). I can't remeber the name of it and therefore can't look it up, however. Anybody who as any idea what I'm talking about is encouraged to tell me.  :-\
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 08:35:46 pm by RoninAngel »
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #22 on: March 30, 2009, 07:42:40 pm »
You guys are thinking of pheromones. But the reason (biologically, and evolutionary) women tend to only want one partner is because:
1 They know (again biologically) that raising a child is a ton of work, and I can only assume being a single mother + hunting would be much harder than doing it without the child
2 They want to make sure they're mate is able to take care of them while she is taking care of the child. (again biologically/evolutionary I'm not trying to say "get in the kitchen")

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RoninAngel

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #23 on: March 30, 2009, 07:44:12 pm »
...get in the kitchen...



Your such a sexist Pozf! How Dare you!  ::)
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 07:50:00 pm by RoninAngel »
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #24 on: March 31, 2009, 12:20:27 am »
Pozf you sexist bastard!  :P
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #25 on: March 31, 2009, 12:46:31 am »
get in the kitchen
Pozf, that's horrible!

Who gave them permission to leave in the first place?

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #26 on: March 31, 2009, 12:50:47 am »
Might be transportation from the father's kitchen to the husband's after purchase of goods by Dowry
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #27 on: March 31, 2009, 01:13:31 pm »
I did not know that but I'm happy that I do now.

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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #28 on: March 31, 2009, 01:45:52 pm »
Yes. And even if it was "primary" or "biological" humans are past that. If we're going to be natural and biological and primal all the way, then why don't we just quit thinking alltogether and go back to running on four legs.

I don't mean to offend anyone now, but in my opinion, wanting polygamy is a sign of immaturity.
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Re: So I am a hypocrite. And sad. :(
« Reply #29 on: March 31, 2009, 02:05:13 pm »
I'm sorry, but could you please give a little explanation there?  I mean, I understand the concept, but I'm wondering what the "why" is there.