So, I've been questioning my religious leanings, but can't find a religion that suits my tastes.
I figure that the best solution is thus: create my own.
So far I have this:
In the beginning Awesome God had a really cool idea. The idea was thus: create an awesome world filled with awesome things like bears, volcanoes, calzones, and heavy metal.
However, Awesome God knew that it wouldn't work. For he would have to create free-willed beings to enjoy this awesome world, and he knew they wouldn't be able to appreciate the awesome. So instead of created Awesome Universe he created this universe, which is filled with lame things like disease, sexual frustration, and the laws of physics. This is all to get people to see how lame things could be, and thus prepare their hearts for the greatness to come in the next life.
If you're cool enough (and righteous enough), you get to go to Awesome Heaven when you die. If you aren't righteous, you instead go to Awesome Hell, which isn't that bad of a place either. Awesome Heaven and Awesome Hell have totally epic battles together with giant robots and ninjas and level 20 fireballs and everything.
For those really nice people who tried their best to be good, but weren't awesome or anything get to go to Boring Heaven, which is a nice fluffy-cloud-and-green-field type of place, and is really cool to chill out, but isn't like having excitement or parties or anything.
If you're just a douchebag you go to Awful Hell, which consists of various eternal tortures, as usual for hell.
Then there's Limbo, which is for people who just don't care about the battle between Good and Evil and just want to chill out, have a drink or two, and play video games.
The good news is if you go to any of these places after you die, it's not set in stone! Yes, even a lowly jerk in Awful Hell can learn to be really cool and totally righteous and work his way to Awesome Heaven!
So, do you think I could get converts? I'm thinking of making some pamphlets to pass out.