Author Topic: The Chat Thread  (Read 527583 times)

Churba

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #720 on: June 08, 2009, 12:16:02 pm »
I had half a reply here, but I'll edit and reply better later on.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2009, 12:22:48 pm by Churba »

charles

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #721 on: June 08, 2009, 03:37:14 pm »
Gets like that *lol*

Again, not 100% sure that applies to your situation. It's difficult to read into the exact details, so don't get offended or anything if I've missed the mark.
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Pozf

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #722 on: June 08, 2009, 05:56:23 pm »
Eventually I begun withdrawing as she'd cry and abuse me each time I went to go out with friends or belittle my work around the house.  I sunk into a hole where I lacked the motivation to do almost anything because I'd get abused just as much for doing something as I did for doing nothing.  No task could be done in a relaxing manner or to her satisfaction, it all needed to be criticised and she would work herself up to every wrong I had apparently done to her over the time of our relationship, building the abuse up higher and higher without relent as I continued so that it felt like torture to do anything.  I sunk myself into complete and utter apathy and self-pitty as my wife stressed herself with nearly every house-hold chore, continuing to take her new frustration at my procrastination on me every night...

Man, are you sure you're not talking about me and my mother? Although I don't think your solution would work for me an her.
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Churba

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #723 on: June 08, 2009, 06:09:04 pm »
Screw the edit, I'll just give you the short version - It's not her Fault, in a way. I'm not making an excuse or anything like that - the full responsibility of her actions still lies with her, but there is a severe third party factor to consider.

Salubi is wonderful. She's really the best person I've ever known - I mean, shit, she put up with a dead-end, useless, lazy unmotivated no-hoper like I was when she first met me in person. She never gave up on me, helped me, taught me a lot of things like compassion and caring, kindness, and trust. We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, and she made me happier and healthier than I'd been in a long time. We intended to get married when we came over here - and I gave up everything to be with her. My family, my friends, my home, and even an offer for a job that's been my dream for a very long time, that she gave me the courage to follow in the first place.

The problem is that she hurt her back while she was in Australia, and made it worse when she came back to england(a month before I arrived) working at a cafe. She went to the doctor, and I know that the doctor put her on very strong drugs - I suspect that it's Diazepam, as her behavior and presented symptoms, both at the time and in the 10 months I've been here, line up all to well for it to be mere coincidence. She's become someone that the Salubi you all know, that her friends know, that I knew, would be disgusted with.

Well, that was a week before I arrived. Three weeks after I arrived, she left for university - another one of my stupid mistakes. She wanted to go to Newcastle(because I could live in a larger city like newcastle, and it's a good uni), and I convinced her to go to Aberystwyth(Because even though I couldn't live in Aber, and I knew this, it's a vastly superior university to newcastle for her course) because I didn't want her to have a second-rate education just because of me - I'm not worth that.

Well, that's where things went wrong. I won't drag everyone into the minuate of the relationship, but suffice it to say, she cheated on me. She also lied to me heavily, and strung me along for quite a while, and treated me very badly - Things like making no attempt to contact me, not paying any attention to my attempts to contact her, and then going off at me because I hadn't been in contact, and as I said before with the begging for forgiveness to the point of humiliation because I called her out for lying.

Enter even more trouble - Her new boyfriend. A rich, arrogant london scumbag, from Mitcham, Surrey. I know a lot about him - he made some threats, so I went and dug deep, found out a lot of very unsavory things that I decline to discuss in a public forum like this.
 He's been putting stupid ideas in her head, lying about me, so on, so fourth. Not a nice guy, really. He's even gone to the point of when catherine did something he didn't approve of - which was Seeing me over easter(which went well, but we ended up having a big argument over a misunderstanding) - he revealed to her that he'd "Discovered" who was behind this fake facebook account, "Jessica Baum", telling her it was me - when it was actually a fake account he set up himself, using a spare e-mail account of mine that he'd gotten into - It was really stupid, really obvious(some people figured it out most of the way even before I did)
He'd also been spying on my Facebook and Gmail account for quite a while - and as I mentioned earlier in the thread, had my house sprayed up.
He also had been peppering me with "Anonymous"(He's not as smart as he thinks he is, and left a digital trail that an Amish priest could follow) e-mails, with pictures of them together, taunting messages, all sorts of things like that - and when I accidentally caught him on the phone once, and he threatened me, and said some horrible things about Salubi that absolutely defy belief.

He's also been cheating on her pretty much from the start, with more than one girl. Salubi Caught him recently, and got rid of him - but took him back, and while I've been told of what he convinced her of to get her back, I don't know for sure, so I'm not talking about it.
I'll give him credit, though, he's got a pair of stones on him. Not only did he convince salubi to take his sorry arse back, and made her think she'd done something wrong in the process, he told the other girl that he'd gotten rid of salubi, that she had been a horrible bitch to him, but that he forgave her after she begged to be with him again and cried to him about how horrible she'd been, though he told her that they could only be friends, and that she's really broken up about it and still wants him back, but he keeps telling her that he loves the other girl, to her distress, and that she's so heartbroken about it that she's barely eating and barely doing anything.

That's a serious pair of balls, chucklenuts. I can't wait till somebody kicks you right in them.

What makes it all the more painful - not long after she got to uni, she came back and took the time to come see me - and she was my Salubi again, as if the past time had never happened. That lasted all of a week, maximum, and then she was back to being who or whatever that she has become now - and also, it makes it all the more unlikely that there is no outside factor in her behavior.
Sure, people change, but they don't change so absolutely in a week, and then change back just as rapidly after a month or so, and then change again even more rapidly.

But, that's the deal, in short. You should see the long version.

charles

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #724 on: June 08, 2009, 07:36:38 pm »
Salubi is wonderful. She's really the best person I've ever known - I mean, shit, she put up with a dead-end, useless, lazy unmotivated no-hoper like I was when she first met me in person. She never gave up on me, helped me, taught me a lot of things like compassion and caring, kindness, and trust. We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, and she made me happier and healthier than I'd been in a long time. We intended to get married when we came over here - and I gave up everything to be with her. My family, my friends, my home, and even an offer for a job that's been my dream for a very long time, that she gave me the courage to follow in the first place.

Well, that's where things went wrong. I won't drag everyone into the minuate of the relationship, but suffice it to say, she cheated on me. She also lied to me heavily, and strung me along for quite a while, and treated me very badly - Things like making no attempt to contact me, not paying any attention to my attempts to contact her, and then going off at me because I hadn't been in contact, and as I said before with the begging for forgiveness to the point of humiliation because I called her out for lying.
See, this is the problem.  You can't let youself be pushed over, no matter what the excuse.  There is no excuse, drugs or not, you show that you have a backbone and stand up for yourself or she will subconsciously learn to think of it as an acceptable way to treat you.  Begging, grovelling and playing the part of the one in the wrong when being abused is like giving a dog a treat for growling at you, or even biting you.  It encourages the behaviour and while the drugs might tip her towards it, if you accept it then you discourage her from fighting those outbursts or even viewing them as wrong, after the fact.

I'm not saying you cheat on her, abuse her back or do anything like fighting fire with fire.  You just hold firm to the belief that you deserve respect and let her know when she does something that is simply disrespectfull you won't let her yells, screams or threats sway you from a matter-of-fact approach to pointing it out and letting her know that it will not pass as acceptable any longer.  You walk away when she takes her frustrations out on you and you hang up on her when she begins to abuse you.  If it's anything like what I went through, the abuse will only escalate at first as she pushes all the harder to bring about the same reactions she's come to expect.  I went through threats of divorce, suicide and even a couple of situations where she held a knife and threatened to stab me, but I held steady and she, I and our relationship are all the better for it.

Find a balance between contacting her enough to keep contact but not to come across as desperate or needy.  If it's a call, sometime after an argument, you don't call to get an apology or even dive back into the unfinished argument, it's just a call to catch up and keep the lines open.  If she's drags it into the mud you hang up and go about your day.

Basically, you respect yourself enough to believe you deserve respect, otherwise you're no better than she is, in allowing her new/ex boyfriend to manipulate her into believing that his disrespectful behaviour is her fault and to keep chasing him despite his chasing another woman.  That guy has some balls but they just dangle from the arsehole that constitutes the rest of him.

Grow some yourself but take pride in the knowledge that they're attached to a man and understand that as lucky as you might count yourself to have her in your life, she should count herself lucky to have you in hers.  If she doesn't, then you're probably not all that lucky and are better to move on.  If she does, then you are.
CLAN OF THE CATS IS MAKING A COMEBACK! JUNE 8th.  BE THERE!

Churba

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #725 on: June 08, 2009, 09:06:33 pm »
I am. In fact, I told her that the last time we spoke - I still have my dignity, and while I let it carry on before, I'm not taking any shit anymore. It's hard to explain - I'm talking absolute and utter personality shift, some real Phineas Gage shit, here.

I've been respectful, understanding and kind. It took a while for the people around me to pound it into my head, but I've done nothing wrong. The days of begging forgiveness are long over.

Keeping in contact is hard, though - Chucklenuts twists everything on me, turns the slightest thing I do into some horrible, hitler-esque crime. When I finally lined up what she could have been on, and tried to get the information I had on the drug to her - because I still care for her, and would never, ever want her to come to harm - and tried to get her to get back to me about the situation, he spun it on it's head and made her think I've been telling people she's an addict, and I was doing it just to get a reaction.
The Drug doesn't help. For example, one of the side effects is Paranoia, and chucklenuts plays that up to the hilt, manipulating it to push her further and further into his crazy bullshit ploys - For example, Jessica Baum. Other people figured out that it wasn't me before I'd even said anything to them, but it played right into the paranoid state she was in between the drug and his bullshit, so she accepted it without a second thought.

One thing, though - It's not an abusive situation. If it were, I'd get rid of her and everyone to do with her so fast I'd leave flaming tyre-prints and travel through time. It's just a messed up situation, and it's slowly getting sorted out - and I'm not alone here. I have some help, and I have some friends.

Please don't think any less of her. She's in a very dangerous situation right now - drugs or no - for reasons I won't discuss publicly, for a number of reasons. She's done some very, very wrong and stupid things, but shit, I dare any of you to honestly say you haven't too.
And I'll add that this isn't the way she typically behaves - as I said, some Phineas Gage shit going down right here.

I forgive her for what she has done - It does not absolve her of responsibility, nor excuse her actions, But I forgive her.

I don't trust her as far as I could spit, though - She broke my trust, and continued to try to lie to me even after I made it clear that I knew every time she lied.

charles

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #726 on: June 08, 2009, 10:27:28 pm »
Sounds like you got it in hand, but always good to vent the $#!t out hu?

Your best reliance is on her other friends and family who still have her best interests at heart.  Whenever your own word is in doubt compared to Chucklenut's, just refer her to others who should hold her trust to back you up.

Good luck mate, but heck, PM me if you ever feel like chatting about the particulars or just wanna know how badly the Blues are getting their arse kicked by the Maroons  ;)
CLAN OF THE CATS IS MAKING A COMEBACK! JUNE 8th.  BE THERE!

Churba

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #727 on: June 08, 2009, 11:29:41 pm »
I appreciate the offer of a listening ear, mate. And I'm lucky - Her brother is with me in this(Well, he's technically on her side, but in the "I'm for her health, wellbeing and happiness" kinda way) and one of her closest friends is also with me in this - I raised the medical concern with her, and she listened despite what she'd heard because it was an issue of Salubi's saftey, and ever since she's heard some about Salubi's behavior, she shares my concerns on the issue - I'm doing what I can. She didn't give up on me back then when things were rough, and I'm not going to give up on her now.

As for the Mighty Maroons - I caught the game the next day, I convinced the owner of my local to put a recording up on the big screen and advertise it heavily, plenty of screaming rugby fans there that night. I was the only Aussie, but everyone was going for the maroons.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #728 on: June 09, 2009, 12:01:47 am »
The Maroons devastated 'em.  I thought for a few moments they might actually crawl back but I think it was just QLD taking a rest after giving them an initial kicking before coming back hard and leaving them demotivated with the impending result.

Both teams need to work on their defence a bit.
CLAN OF THE CATS IS MAKING A COMEBACK! JUNE 8th.  BE THERE!

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #729 on: June 09, 2009, 11:34:50 pm »
*huggles churba*  :( I'll cross all my fingers and toes so it all works out for the best churba. wish I could do more but the distance kinda bites things. :-\
Just loving it! :-*
let's sit and chat a while and see if I don't make you smile .;)

Churba

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #730 on: June 10, 2009, 12:08:42 am »
*huggles churba*  :( I'll cross all my fingers and toes so it all works out for the best churba. wish I could do more but the distance kinda bites things. :-\
I'm crossing all I have too, believe me. Salubi's been my best friend since not long after I came to Flipside, and if nothing else, I don't want to lose that - though, it does lend me a measure of disappointment, too - having known me so well for so long, It surprises me that she would believe a lot of the things she's become convinced of about me.

Hopefully, it will all work out - believe me when I say I'm trying my hardest to make things right.

I must admit, I do feel a bit stupid about one thing - If I'd have just taken some initiative, and been motivated, I could have moved to Aberystwyth, there is a lot of pubs down there - about 56 or so in one small town - but I got it into my head that I couldn't do it. Would it have helped? Hell if I know, but that doesn't stop me feeling bad about it.

Like I said, I'm not going to give up on her. I'll admit, I was a real shit when we met. How much of a shit? Well, We were....well, not together in the traditional sense, but we were in love and had decided to be exclusive to each other before we met, I knew she was coming to Australia to meet her, but I still cheated on her - I got together with someone who was basically all but her in looks, similar in personality type, as a proxy for her till I could be with her. She found out, and she was extremely hurt - but she still came to meet me anyway, and moved in with me a week after we met - even after I did possibly the stupidest, most hurtful thing I've ever done to anyone, she didn't give up on me.
She made me into a better person after that, but I won't deny I was an utter prick when she met me.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #731 on: June 12, 2009, 12:04:07 am »
Hey shot in the freaking dark here, but does anybody know whether or not the standard 1 year limited warrenty on an HP laptop covers the AC adapter? I've read through the warranty and can't make heads or tales of it.
'Science is on the march. Don't get in its way.'

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #732 on: June 12, 2009, 12:08:06 am »
Probably not. -_-

Don't spend stupid money on a proprietary one, there are after market ac adapters that work just fine.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #733 on: June 12, 2009, 12:10:49 am »
Yea I'd rather NOT spend the full 80$ that could be better saved for a Dissidia PSP
'Science is on the march. Don't get in its way.'

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #734 on: June 18, 2009, 08:59:36 am »
Ahh, I love trolls.

RoninAngel

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #735 on: June 18, 2009, 12:32:45 pm »
So I have wifi in my house now! YAY ME!
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #736 on: June 18, 2009, 03:03:54 pm »
So I have wifi in my house now! YAY ME!

Reliable? Like...coming from your house.

Because I have to pirate it off my neighbors, which sucks.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #737 on: June 18, 2009, 03:05:42 pm »
I pay money for it, but yeah.
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #738 on: June 19, 2009, 12:38:19 am »
AAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my left ankle just cracked and it FUCKING hurt!!!!!!!!! >:(
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #739 on: June 19, 2009, 01:49:37 am »
o.O

How'dya crack it?

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #740 on: June 19, 2009, 02:10:22 am »
all I did was move my foot and my ankle joint went crack  :(
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #741 on: June 19, 2009, 06:54:28 pm »
*snugs odd* i hate ankle issues. and broken is the worst. :'(
Just loving it! :-*
let's sit and chat a while and see if I don't make you smile .;)

RoninAngel

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #742 on: June 19, 2009, 07:48:13 pm »
I had shin splints the whole time I was in the army... does that count?

my ankle can crack like ten times in a row, I have no idea why.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2009, 07:50:29 pm by RoninAngel »
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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #743 on: June 19, 2009, 07:49:52 pm »
why shin splints? ???
Just loving it! :-*
let's sit and chat a while and see if I don't make you smile .;)

RoninAngel

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #744 on: June 19, 2009, 07:54:34 pm »
because they require you to run and/or road march disgusting distances for no other reason then sick sadism. They call it "physical training", but I know better... >:(
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #745 on: June 19, 2009, 09:35:36 pm »
I'd never make it in the army, I suck at running.
I have a boner...*plays a song*

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #746 on: June 19, 2009, 09:58:53 pm »
http://news.oneindia.in/2009/06/19/pornstar-bus-driver-facing-thesack.html

Woman tries to get a job and they threaten to fire her 'cuz she does porn.


Never mind that she was a popular driver. Many of her passengers claimed it was the best ride of their lives.  ;)

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #747 on: June 19, 2009, 10:23:23 pm »
wow specials. :'( :-X

love your avvy crystal^_^
 :-*

yeah I wouldn't last 5 minutes in the army.
Just loving it! :-*
let's sit and chat a while and see if I don't make you smile .;)

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #748 on: June 20, 2009, 03:06:15 am »
Strange thing is......I miss it  :(  DAM MY SHORT SIGHTEDNESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

Pozf

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Re: The Chat Thread
« Reply #749 on: June 20, 2009, 12:46:06 pm »
My mom just bought Wii fit....


She fails, horribly. It's hilarious.
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