Author Topic: coming out  (Read 3910 times)

Addonexus

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coming out
« on: March 03, 2010, 12:49:26 am »
Hi i know i'm still kinda new around here but i was hoping i could ask you guys for help with something kinda personal. I was wondering if i should "come out" so to speak about myself to friends or family because other than shadow and my boyfriend no one really knows im gay and i'm a little hesitant to tell people i know because well i don't know how they will react and it's more than a little scary. So if you feel like helping i would greatly apriciate it or if you can comment anything you feel like sharing. Thanks. :-*

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: coming out
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2010, 07:26:45 am »
Well...do you know their views?
I'm assuming they have some kind of aversion they'd have expressed, hence your anxiety.

I say just sit them down and tell them, and if they aren't down with it, fuck them scrubs.

It takes guts...I myself can't confess to my family and old friends that I'm pretty much an atheist now.

Addonexus

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Re: coming out
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2010, 01:57:39 pm »
Well...do you know their views?
I'm assuming they have some kind of aversion they'd have expressed, hence your anxiety.

I say just sit them down and tell them, and if they aren't down with it, fuck them scrubs.

It takes guts...I myself can't confess to my family and old friends that I'm pretty much an atheist now.

well its just i don't talk to people very well about anything i was always teased in the service that i would walk into the middle of a fire fight and disarm an ied with my teeth sooner than i would stand in front of three people and read out of a pamplet and it was prety much acurate

akashayi

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Re: coming out
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2010, 02:20:05 pm »
I'm very open about my sexuality (and sexuality in general) with my friends. But my family? They'll probably never know. The worst they worry about my taste in men. Thankfully it's socially acceptable for a girl to wear dude clothes and act like a guy all the time....sort of :P

it can be a big deal to come out, if your family has diametrically opposed views on sexuality. They could be supportive of you... or it could stir up trouble that they may get over, but may never go away. You'd just want to have a very, very strong support system and be self sufficient and prepared for it.


CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: coming out
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2010, 03:04:07 pm »

well its just i don't talk to people very well about anything i was always teased in the service that i would walk into the middle of a fire fight and disarm an ied with my teeth sooner than i would stand in front of three people and read out of a pamplet and it was prety much acurate

Well then, maybe don't talk about it unless it comes up?

To be honest, I've never thought the "Yo, I gay homies!" is a good approach. Unless it's, a, like, close personal, "Yo, my bff, I need to tell you something" or whatever. I don't know.

Maybe it's weirder for guys, too. Who knows.

akashayi

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Re: coming out
« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2010, 03:28:00 pm »
it may be easier for me being a girl with a ton of guy friends with only the odd female friends. I'm not sure how it is in circles of girlfriends when a girl comes out :P

Also, I feel you cdsm... part of my family is stupid religious. I still have a scar on my lip from when I 'came out' as an athiest. >.>

charles

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Re: coming out
« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2010, 05:21:02 pm »
Also, I feel you cdsm... part of my family is stupid religious. I still have a scar on my lip from when I 'came out' as an athiest. >.>
Damn! Did Raptor Jesus bite you for your heretic ways? *lol*  Seriously though... damn!

Hmmmm, coming out is one of those ones that depends on yourself and your situation.  As Akashayi said, you'd want to either be fairly sure of a positive outcome or be self sufficient in case you're completely disowned.  If you're just after the sex and good times then there's probably little need to come out, but if you're interested in long-term relationships then it's likely that they'll figure it out eventually and if you're worried they might confront you about it then its probably best to come out so the timing and situation is determined by you.

If you're anticipating support and love then coming right out with it, loud and proud, is the way to go.  But if you're uncertain or anticipate either hostility or shock then its probably best to ease them into it, starting with the most open-minded and supportive family members, one at a time and letting each one either pass the information onto the others or ease into accepting it before letting the next one know in a one-on-one side conversation rather than some family/friend group meeting.

If you drop it like a bomb on the unexpected then the intensity and shock of the moment can lead to things being said that shouldn't and pride can take over, preventing or prolonging acceptance and understanding (particularly if you've done it in a group setting).  If you get aggressive responses or reactions its best to walk away and let them absorb it better and calm down rather than get your back up and let it turn into a confrontation or stand there and take it.  Obviously if they persist over time and show no signs of progression then hell yeah, give 'em a great big "FUCK YOU" and let 'em know that their rage and attacks aren't going to change a thing.
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CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: coming out
« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2010, 08:59:28 pm »
it may be easier for me being a girl with a ton of guy friends with only the odd female friends. I'm not sure how it is in circles of girlfriends when a girl comes out :P

Also, I feel you cdsm... part of my family is stupid religious. I still have a scar on my lip from when I 'came out' as an athiest. >.>

Ouch.  :(
I know at least my family wouldn't react that way.
Actually, my mom would probably break down crying and make me feel like a bastard, which is why I'm scared of it.

RoninAngel

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Re: coming out
« Reply #8 on: March 09, 2010, 07:56:46 am »
I always tell people that coming out is something that they should approach with caution. Generally, everyone should come out to someone, because not doing so will eventually drive you crazy. However, you need to be very careful about coming out to anyone who has any kind of power over you. Parents, teachers, bosses ect. Another thing to keep in mind is, do they ever express homophobia? People who casually joke around about it could go either way but people who express hatred tend to, well, hate homosexuals. I have found that many people that hate homosexuals don't actually know any homosexuals, so anyone who has gay friends is likely a safe bet.

I am bisexual and have been out of the closet for 6 or 7 years. I have had a boyfriend for 4.
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Chag4

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Re: coming out
« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2010, 02:00:17 pm »
My family probably knew, or at least assumed something like that before I ever told them. And telling your family is hard even if you are sure they at least wont throw you out or something.
I was pretty sure they would take it well before I told them. I say you should be prepared for any reaction, but at least have an idea of how they'll probably react before you tell them, and see if you're fine with that.
My parents were quite okay with it. Too okay. A bit reluctant to talk about it, and my mother dismissed it and wont mention at as if I'm straight as long as we don't talk about it. But she has always been scared of something mental or medical being wrong with me, and for my own sake.
The only one surprised was my brother-in-law, I found that reassuring actually, that someone had reacted to it in any way.
It was a bit difficult for something so big to be dismissed, but I'm fine with them not talking about it, I still do if I feel like it.

As for friends, any friend not able to take it, isn't a friend worth keeping. Still, this might be even harder sometimes. First time is worst, and second isn't much better, but lately, it's been really easy for me, natural almost.
Though, if you REALLY want to keep a friend you aren't too sure how would take it, you should wait, and maybe try to check out his/her stands on such matters.

Sorry for ranting.
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