Author Topic: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS  (Read 62099 times)

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« on: August 15, 2009, 01:31:53 am »
I bring thee a message:


I WILL SMASH THROUGH THE SKIES AND SMITE THE GODS BACK TO THE EVER BOILING BLACK HOLE AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE SO THAT BLOOD AND BONE OF STRENGTH THAT RESIDES IN MY SOUL WILL FOREVER BURN IN THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF THOSE THAT FOLLOW AFTER ME FUELING MY HATRED WITH THE FURY OF HEAVEN UNTIL IT CONSUMES THE STARS AND THEN UNTO A MILLION SOLDIERS WILL COME CRASHING DOWN AS MY FIST LIT FROM THE EMBERS OF A DYING GALAXY ENTWINED IN THE SPIDERWEB OF ETERNITY SHACKLED TO THE WHEEL OF TIME AS IT CRUSHES THE WEAK AND TURNS TO THAT MOMENT OF PAIN AND POWER THAT MAKES THE EARTH SHAKE AND THE RING CRACKLE UNTIL MY SPIRIT EXPLODES INTO A BILLION RAZOR-SHARP FRAGMENTS CUTTING THE WORLD AND SHREDDING YOUR SANITY WITH CRUEL AND UNUSUAL LITANIES OF A THOUSAND ANGELS SPIRALING ACROSS THE HORIZONS LIFTING THE SPIRITS OF EVERY FALLEN HERO THAT NEVER FLED FROM BATTLE AS THEY RISE UP TO STRIKE AT THE NECKS OF COWARDS AND TRAITORS AND LIARS AND WEAKLINGS IN A STORM OF TEARS WHILE THE SUN BURNS AND BLINDS THEM ALL AS WAS FORETOLD IN THE BOOK OF ULTIMATE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND THEN YOU WILL KNOW THAT POWER OF THE ETERNAL WARRIOR HAS COME TO DEFEAT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That is the message.


RULES OF THIS THREAD
1. All your posts must be BADASS. Those who behave like pussies in this thread shall be castigated by a throng of hippos on ecstasy and crystal meth (with a side cocktail of various steroids). Survivors with be summarily kicked in the face by all present to complete their atonement.
2. YOU MUST TYPE IN ALL CAPS (PREFERABLY IN BOLD, LARGE SIZES, AND WARM COLORS) (Okay, not really, but consider it!)
3. THE MAJORITY OF YOUR SENTENCES SHOULD END IN EXCLAMATION POINTS! THE MORE THE BETTER!!!!!!! (Again, not really, but think about it!)
4. Exclamation Rule Corollary: If any ones are found after your exclamation points ((i.e. !!!!!111)), you be flogged with six foot cat-o-nine-tails made of bees, spiked chains, and the screams of dying orphans. While on fire (you, not the cat-o-nine-tails).
5. There is no rule five! Looks like you get a lucky break, YEW BASTERDS!!!

IN ORDER TO POST IN THIS THREAD, YOU MUST FIRST UNDERGO INITIATION!!!
Initiation consists of eating this:


THAT IS ALL. GO FORTH, TRUE BELIEVERS!
EXCELSIOR!

LINK OF NOTE: http://www.badassoftheweek.com/
READ UP ON YOUR BADASSES!!!!!!!


That all said, enjoy your foray into limitless awesome!

Razzly

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2009, 01:47:08 am »
Wat.



NO I MEAN I'M SUPER MANLY I'M SO MANLY THAT I EAT SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICHES LIKE A MAN AND I SOMETIMES ATTEMPT PEEING WHILE STANDING BUT IT'S KIND OF DIFFICULT CAUSE I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!!!!
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"Mutta rukous on vain mutina tuulessa, ei sitä kukaan kuule..."

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2009, 01:49:30 am »
Wat.



NO I MEAN I'M SUPER MANLY I'M SO MANLY THAT I EAT SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICHES LIKE A MAN AND I SOMETIMES ATTEMPT PEEING WHILE STANDING BUT IT'S KIND OF DIFFICULT CAUSE I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!!!!

WHICH MAKES IT ALL THE MORE OF AN EPIC FEAT!!!!!!!

Oddball

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2009, 03:39:20 am »
I AM A HUMAN LEMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUMP OFF CLIFFS AND MOUNTIANS IN ALL SORTS OF WEATHER CONDITIONS OK I'M ATTACHED TO A THIN NYLON ROPE AT THE TIME.
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2009, 12:46:47 pm »
Hi.
I've been out for two years, so warn me if I act like I missed something obvious. ^^;

...oh, and to anyone who missed me, I'm open to hugs, kisses, and intense tearful cuddles.

Kanazaka

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2009, 07:31:26 pm »
I PERFORM FIFTY SUICIDES JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT!! IN THE POURING RAIN WHILE COMPLETELY NAKED!! AND I EAT FIVE ALARM SLOPPY JOES FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER!!

RoninAngel

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2009, 01:21:10 am »
MY HUNGER IS INSATIONABLE!!!!

SOON I SHALL BE SO FAT THAT THE EARTH WILL TREMBLE BENEATH MY VERY FOOTSTEPS! PARENTS WILL HIDE THEIR CHILDREN FOR FEAR THAT I SHALL EAT THEM! AND THEN I SHALL EAT THEM! AND THE PARENTS! AND THE TABLECLOTH! AND THE WORLD! FEAR MY GLUTTONY OF DOOM FOR YOU TOO SHALL BE NEXT!!!

MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHA Ha Ha AH HA ha HA HA ha HA haw HA!!!
« Last Edit: August 16, 2009, 02:18:03 am by RoninAngel »
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.

Churba

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2009, 08:22:57 am »
I'm Australian.

Trombonefellow

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2009, 09:06:31 am »
Are trombones badass?
I reluctantly don't think so either... :(
I have a boner...*plays a song*

Emp_Dragon

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2009, 10:01:18 am »
I'm a waste water maintenance technician!

Razzly

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2009, 10:04:49 am »
I'm Australian.

Eh, look mate (insert australian accent here) I'm finnish.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f9p5Nor4tk

I'll let that video speak for itself.
(Leijona is a finnish brand of vodka.)
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Oddball

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2009, 10:05:42 am »
In that case I'm Scottish
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

RoninAngel

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2009, 10:15:31 am »
I'm American.
"AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZdJRDpLHbw
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.

parameciumkid

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2009, 11:09:53 am »
In America?

Anyway, I don't know how badass this counts as being, but I've been thinking about it ane realized that the cello is the most erotic instrument. It has the approximate size, shape, and vocal range of a human and you play it by holding it between your legs. And the bow is a long stick that you straighten out before using and move back and forth lengthwise to operate. 0.o
Hi.
I've been out for two years, so warn me if I act like I missed something obvious. ^^;

...oh, and to anyone who missed me, I'm open to hugs, kisses, and intense tearful cuddles.

RoninAngel

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2009, 11:52:10 am »
Yeah, it kind of looks like your didleing someone from behind when you play it. Also I've seen alot of pictures that have a naked womans back with the cello-like curvy things painted on. It is a pretty erotic image. I'll try to find one.

Naked back =

http://www.bmeink.com/A80718/high/nwyo-f-holes.jpg

Diddle girl =

http://couples-for-massage.com/temp/nudecellist.jpg
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.

Selan

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2009, 01:11:24 pm »
I'm DUTCH! WHOOOO and i can 360 my arm! TOP THAT!!

RoninAngel

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2009, 01:14:35 pm »
I'm uncricumsized?  :-\
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Churba

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2009, 01:36:13 pm »
I'm Australian.
Eh, look mate (insert australian accent here) I'm finnish.
Wait, Finnish? Ok, you win, I can't stand that salty liquorice stuff. Tastes like a party in my mouth, and all the hairy, slovenly frat boys are throwing up.

Razzly

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2009, 01:37:46 pm »
I'm Australian.
Eh, look mate (insert australian accent here) I'm finnish.
Wait, Finnish? Ok, you win, I can't stand that salty liquorice stuff. Tastes like a party in my mouth, and all the hairy, slovenly frat boys are throwing up.

What, really? You can't stand salmiak? It's like my favourite sweet in the world! I LOVE it! <3
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Churba

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2009, 01:49:35 pm »
I'm Australian.
Eh, look mate (insert australian accent here) I'm finnish.
Wait, Finnish? Ok, you win, I can't stand that salty liquorice stuff. Tastes like a party in my mouth, and all the hairy, slovenly frat boys are throwing up.

What, really? You can't stand salmiak? It's like my favourite sweet in the world! I LOVE it! <3
It absolutely Murders me, can't do it. I like some pretty weird foods, but I know my limit.

RoninAngel

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2009, 01:51:04 pm »
Is that all that anyone knows about Finland? That it has that gross licorice stuff? Seems kind of a shame, doesn't it?
[knows precisely dick about Finland/]
Also I've wanted to be an Autrailian a few times, mostly becuase Fosters Beer Commercials make you guys look like the manliest race in the universe and your country's reputaion of "EVERTHING IS TRYING TO KILL YOU" adds to that. Oh and you guys have Enormous Giant Eagals!   :D
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rescuers_Down_Under
« Last Edit: August 16, 2009, 01:56:10 pm by RoninAngel »
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Razzly

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #21 on: August 16, 2009, 01:54:28 pm »
Churba: That's a shame! ...But then again, that means, that if I ever get to go on a date with you, I get to keep my bag of sweets (salmiak) to myself. :] Ohh goodness, now I'm craving it. The salmiak, I mean. Not you.
...No, that came out wrong...



Ronin:
Finland isn't a very well known country... But I'm proud of most things we're known for? You know... Like the salty liquorice that I love?
Winner of Brion Foulke's "cute little panda"-award.
"Mutta rukous on vain mutina tuulessa, ei sitä kukaan kuule..."

Churba

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #22 on: August 16, 2009, 01:59:21 pm »
Churba: That's a shame! ...But then again, that means, that if I ever get to go on a date with you, I get to keep my bag of sweets (salmiak) to myself. :] Ohh goodness, now I'm craving it. The salmiak, I mean. Not you.
...No, that came out wrong...
I'm well happy enough to let you keep them to yourself, it's just not to my taste, I'm afraid. Though, it does provide the opportunity for me to hunt down a bag of really, really good Salmiak for you, using the help of some of my dutch friends who love the stuff.
I understood you meant the Salmiak, though, and took no offense - I very well understand that I'm even more of an acquired taste than salty licorice.

Edit - Also,
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/lighthorse.html
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/australia.html

RoninAngel

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #23 on: August 16, 2009, 02:00:12 pm »
Churba and Razzly- Get a room you two! (AND PLEASE GOD VIDEO TAPE IT!  ;D)

You know what else is a badass country - Russia. You know why? Becuase everyone is seven feet tall with fists like canned hams, drinks vodka instead of water and eats bear. Like for dinner you guys!  :D
« Last Edit: August 16, 2009, 02:02:34 pm by RoninAngel »
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #24 on: August 16, 2009, 02:02:05 pm »
And dont forget the HOT women of St Petersburg Ronnin.
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Razzly

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #25 on: August 16, 2009, 02:03:10 pm »
Churba: Thank you for the offer, but I've found the best samiak of the world... And that is Fazer's. ;) Just so you know!

Ronin: I'm kind of... I don't know, so-so towards russians. I mean, considering our history with them and their teeny-weeny spying-attempts on us all the time... But the language i badass?
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"Mutta rukous on vain mutina tuulessa, ei sitä kukaan kuule..."

RoninAngel

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #26 on: August 16, 2009, 02:04:53 pm »
@Oddball: Fuck yeah! Like Xenia Onnatop! Getting strangled between her thighs- totally worth it!  :D

@Razzly: They have neat letters.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2009, 02:08:10 pm by RoninAngel »
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.

Churba

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #27 on: August 16, 2009, 02:07:19 pm »
Churba: Thank you for the offer, but I've found the best samiak of the world... And that is Fazer's. ;) Just so you know!
I recognize your challenge to find better, ma'am, and I accept!


(But I will keep Fazer's in mind, though)
« Last Edit: August 16, 2009, 02:28:50 pm by Churba »

Oddball

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #28 on: August 16, 2009, 02:09:38 pm »
Got a soft spot for Russia but have not been to Finland yet sorry to say.
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

RoninAngel

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Re: THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« Reply #29 on: August 16, 2009, 02:10:54 pm »
 I would go to Finland just for the cute panda bears.  ;)
I got 99 problems but a nymphomaniac jester girl ain't one.