Author Topic: I confess  (Read 313515 times)

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1050 on: October 27, 2009, 10:38:54 pm »
I confess I really envy my dorky nonthreatening Asian friend. Everyone loves him. I think I could weather being constantly targeted by the gay guys for that.

Everyone, I get the feeling is threatened me because I tall and quiet.

And I don't want them to. I want to be the guy that's all trustable. Because I totally am.

It's like...everytime I try to do a nice thing for someone I want to be friends with, I think they end up getting creeped because they think I'm trying to get in their pants, which I'm not. Grr.

It's also why I can't tell people I care about that I care about/love them, because they wouldn't understand.

God dammit.

--addendum: basically this comes from me walking back from someone's apartment last night and the chick I was with was like "I hope you're not tryiing to walk me home" and I didn't know how to respond to that so I just said, "No" rather unconvincingly I think, which is not remotely true, I just wanted to be sociable since it was roughly on the way back to my place.

Now I'm afraid she'll think I've got a thing for her and not want to be near me.
« Last Edit: October 27, 2009, 10:40:37 pm by CrystalDragonSpaceMarine »

charles

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1051 on: October 27, 2009, 11:36:40 pm »
Your response should have been: "Nah, sorry but you're just not that attractive." *LOL*

*meh* I used to be socially awkward (yes really).  In the end I just figured it was a matter of getting out there and eventually I started to notice the little things and just pushed myself to follow them.  For many it's a natural talent or one they've learned naturally over time, but I can confirm from my own experience that it's a skill you can force yourself to learn if you have the will and the courage to keep at it and push the changes until they become a natural part of your behavior.

Heck, I'm still pushing myself in the internet arena as I've often been misinterpreted as arrogant or angry at times.  My current tactic is to throw in smile faces and "*LOL*" actions to try and better show that I'm only playing or half-serious about what I'm saying. Despite years of txt talk in the internet I still haven't quite managed to get it through my head that just 'cos I imagine myself as saying it with a bit of sarcasm or in a half-arsed manner doesn't mean people reading it will apply the same tones  :(

Poker can be pretty good on some levels since you learn to read body language and even project it.

In many (but by no means all) cases, social awkwardness comes down to taking yourself and others too seriously and believing that others take themselves seriously.  Regular socialisation is about being able to talk shit not serious discussions.  It's about being able to listen to others voice a bullshit opinion and not take them seriously as well as voicing your own opinions while not getting serious about it.  Heck, it's even about being able to say shit about the person you're socialising with and knowing they won't take it seriously while being able to let them take a dig at yourself without taking it seriously and getting defensive.

Obviously people can't hold in the serious stuff forever and often need an outlet.  A shoulder to cry on or someone to bitch to, so to speak.  Thats generally reserved for the best friend, serious partner or psychologist.  They're your dumping ground for emotional turmoil and in the case of the first two, you're generally theirs.
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CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1052 on: October 27, 2009, 11:55:56 pm »
Your response should have been: "Nah, sorry but you're just not that attractive." *LOL*

Well, if a girl would come out and challenge me with the "you're not trying to get with me, are you" I could be like "no, I just want to be friends, really" and explain it to them.

Quote
*meh* I used to be socially awkward (yes really).  In the end I just figured it was a matter of getting out there and eventually I started to notice the little things and just pushed myself to follow them.  For many it's a natural talent or one they've learned naturally over time, but I can confirm from my own experience that it's a skill you can force yourself to learn if you have the will and the courage to keep at it and push the changes until they become a natural part of your behavior.

Well, I'm so much socially awkward as I just don't have much to say. Once I do have stuff to say people warm up to me really quickly. This is totally different. I'm specifically talking about the "I really just want to be friends" angle but everyone keeps calling me out on it because they don't think it's possible.


Quote

Poker can be pretty good on some levels since you learn to read body language and even project it.

I always use the Cloud Cuckoo Lander tactics while playing cards. Which is to say, none at all, at least that mortal men can possess. Sometimes it pays off, more often than not. It's very "heart of the cards" really.

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1053 on: October 28, 2009, 01:17:35 am »
I confess that Charles has got me hooked on that Flaky Pastry comic.
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

Emp_Dragon

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1054 on: October 28, 2009, 03:58:28 pm »
I confess I had a really weird dream involving Akasha last night... and it wasn't even remotely sexual :o

akashayi

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1055 on: October 28, 2009, 04:07:36 pm »
I confess I had a really weird dream involving Akasha last night... and it wasn't even remotely sexual :o

Yes? What was it then, if it wasn't remotely sexual?

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1056 on: October 28, 2009, 04:19:25 pm »
It was probably about food.

I dream about food a lot. The large chunk of my dreams involve stuffing my face at a enormous buffet.

Actually, not quite. I always pile up my tray full of delicious foods at this buffet, but the dream ends as soon as I sit down, and I never get to eat them.

I take it as a metaphor for my life. There's so much in the buffet of life I want, but I'll never get to sample it.

Dreams do come true, folks. But only the worst ones.

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1057 on: October 28, 2009, 04:31:56 pm »
 It took place in the house I grew up in until we moved when I was 12, you Akasha, me and my girlfriend were talking and doing something, then the two of you walked off somewhere else, then I saw you two again later at dinner with my parents. After dinner I followed the two of you to see where you had been off to, and you had been sitting in the furnished inner attic, but I was woken from the dream by my morning alarm at that time so I didn't get to know what you had been doing.

charles

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1058 on: October 28, 2009, 04:44:28 pm »
It took place in the house I grew up in until we moved when I was 12, you Akasha, me and my girlfriend were talking and doing each other, then the two of you wanked off somewhere else, then I saw you two again later at dinner with my parents. After dinner I followed the two of you to see where you had gotten of, and you had been sitting in the furnished inner attic, but I was woken from the dream by my morning glory at that time so I didn't get to know who you had been doing.

Fixed it for you.

Now it is sexual  :o ;) :P ::)
« Last Edit: October 28, 2009, 04:46:58 pm by charles »
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CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1059 on: October 28, 2009, 04:46:07 pm »
It took place in the house I grew up in until we moved when I was 12, you Akasha, me and my girlfriend were talking and doing each other, then the two of you wanked off somewhere else, then I saw you two again later at dinner with my parents. After dinner I followed the two of you to see where you had gotten of, and you had been sitting in the furnished inner attic, but I was woken from the dream by my morning glory at that time so I didn't get to know who you had been doing.

Fixed it for you.

Now it is sexual  :o ;) :P ::)

Morning glory? Why would a flower be waking him up?

charles

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1060 on: October 28, 2009, 04:48:07 pm »
Fixed CDSM's as well. Now it does involve Akashayi and it's mildly sexual  :P

I dream about food a lot. The large chunk of my dreams involve stuffing my face at a enormous buffet layed out on Akashayi's body.

Morning Glory is sometimes slang for either the results of a wet dream or simply a morning erection.
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Emp_Dragon

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1061 on: October 28, 2009, 04:51:30 pm »
Actually, everyone was fully dressed throughout the entire dream, and I think we were building something with lego blocks in the first scene of the dream and maybe the two of them were drawing something in the attic.

Edit:
I confess that it was the atrocious lack of nudity and relentless sex without restraint that made the dream weird ;D
« Last Edit: October 28, 2009, 04:53:09 pm by Emp_Dragon »

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1062 on: October 28, 2009, 04:54:57 pm »
Fixed CDSM's as well. Now it does involve Akashayi and it's mildly sexual  :P

I dream about food a lot. The large chunk of my dreams involve stuffing my face at a enormous buffet of Akashayi's body.

Clarified. Did I mention I'm into vore?


Quote
Morning Glory is sometimes slang for either the results of a wet dream or simply a morning erection.

I know, I was be facetious.

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1063 on: October 29, 2009, 01:28:26 am »
I confess this is to early in the morning to be talking about sexual and non sexual dreams for me........especialy since Im about to head off to bed  :-\ :-\
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1064 on: October 29, 2009, 07:24:33 pm »
Morning Glory is sometimes slang for either the results of a wet dream or simply a morning erection.
This is also the reason I giggle every time I hear the song "(What's the story?)Morning glory" by Oasis.

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1065 on: November 01, 2009, 01:08:10 pm »
I confess...

You know...it's weird. I don't want to say "I need to lose weight" because I'm not overweight. I don't want to say "I'm fat" because most people would say I need meat on my bones.

But it's like...all the fat in my body seems to have been relegated to the front. So I'm thinking I need to adjust my eating and exercise habits before I end up like this:



Huge body, skinny limbs.

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1066 on: November 01, 2009, 03:06:21 pm »
BEER GUT!  Yeah, I've got one of those.

I don't exactly look overweight either but according to my BMI I'm about 12kg over and sure enough, it's all in the gut *lol*

I figure I just need to go for a brisk 30min walk every morning, lunch and evening.

I was actually surprised to discover how much strength I'd lost since high-school.  I used to carry around a gym bag with all my books in it from class to class.  Gave me some very buffed arms but I was also in gym class and went to martial arts with an instructor who was big on putting us through 30 minutes of basic fitness before actually going through the moves.  End result, I wasn't an athlete but I was quite fit and strong.

Now I go to get up a manhole into my roof the other day and I simply could not lift my body weight up through.  I just hit a point where I was holding myself up and crying like mad for my arms to simply extend so my body would be up there but the arms just shook and wouldn't budge the distance.

Time to get the weights out 'cos considering what I had, it's quite a shock.
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CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1067 on: November 01, 2009, 03:44:04 pm »
My plan, at least the days I am at school, is to jog to the Kwik Trip and walk back. It's a good 30 minutes round trip every day.

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1068 on: November 01, 2009, 06:13:45 pm »
I confess I really envy my dorky nonthreatening Asian friend. Everyone loves him. I think I could weather being constantly targeted by the gay guys for that.

Everyone, I get the feeling is threatened me because I tall and quiet.

And I don't want them to. I want to be the guy that's all trustable. Because I totally am.

It's like...everytime I try to do a nice thing for someone I want to be friends with, I think they end up getting creeped because they think I'm trying to get in their pants, which I'm not. Grr.

It's also why I can't tell people I care about that I care about/love them, because they wouldn't understand.

God dammit.

--addendum: basically this comes from me walking back from someone's apartment last night and the chick I was with was like "I hope you're not tryiing to walk me home" and I didn't know how to respond to that so I just said, "No" rather unconvincingly I think, which is not remotely true, I just wanted to be sociable since it was roughly on the way back to my place.

Now I'm afraid she'll think I've got a thing for her and not want to be near me.
...at least you're walking around with chicks?

I can relate to what you're saying.  My advice: Talk more, say what's on your mind.  You're a weirdo, and you need to let people understand where you're coming from.  It'll take more explanation than the average person has to provide, but even if you get some weird looks or people trying to change the subject at first, stick with it.  They won't be able to get rid of you entirely, and when they (meaning the more worthwhile folks) finally start to make an attempt to actually figure you out rather than try to get you to fit into their preconceptions of what people are like (which is setting the bar far too low - you don't want to fit that mold anyway, you'd be selling yourself short and "hiding your light under a bushel basket" or whatever that saying is), they'll find that you're both nonthreatening, dorky, reliable, and pretty well-intentioned and nice in general.  Not to mention funny.

People need to have sort of an owner's manual with weird people like us.  At first there has to be an orientation period.  Some things you'll have to repeat, such as "I love you, but I love everyone, and I don't love you more than anyone else."  I used to say that a lot.  No one ever seemed to really get that one, especially girls that I was "dating" or whatever.  They ignored that one completely.  Sort of different, but maybe along the lines of what that girl you mentioned needed explaining.  Maybe as simple as "Listen.  I'm not trying to get with you.  I don't know you that well.  (optional portion:) Maybe someday I will want to, who knows?  but right now?  No. *smile*" 

But if you can get into a habit of letting your inner self show out, people will get where you're at more and more easily.  It's not fragging easy, it takes constant discipline and not giving a shit about other people, like really not caring.  Since you're sensitive and thoughtful, even if you try your hardest not to care you'll still be empathizing with others way more than the average dude (ie. Akasha ;)).  With practice someday you can do both simultaneously, but first I'd say focus on yourself and speaking out your thoughts.  If you're anything like me, in social situations you tend to be more focused on what other people are thinking/doing than you are on yourself.  Which is not a bad thing inherently, but it leaves you out of the equation.

Maybe that's not what you're like, but it does sound like you could do with expressing yourself a bit more.  When I started forcing myself to do it, I was really pleased with the results.  Like I say, it gets you some weird looks and makes some people uncomfortable, but that's sort of a side benefit.  It filters out people who don't consider it worth the effort to attempt to see where you're coming from, or who are uncomfortable with what you are.

but at least you won't be the "quiet tall guy kind of looming around scarily".  I totally fit that description before.  Ugh.  I've even had a few times in my life where there were indications that girls didn't find me horribly unattractive, which was like...so, so far from my picture of reality.  But let's not get into my psychological closet.  But it's funny that I was quiet, because I actually can't shut up sometimes.  Very few people want to listen though.  Luckily my wife's definitely on the "want to listen" team.

just my two cents.  May or may not actually be worth that much on the open market.

EDIT: Oh!  And your last sentence:
Quote
Now I'm afraid she'll think I've got a thing for her and not want to be near me.

Does A necessarily imply B? :)  Maybe it does in this case, but I'm just saying...perhaps 8 or 9 out of 10 times A implies ~B, even if only because people like attention and are usually starved for it.
« Last Edit: November 01, 2009, 06:24:10 pm by UmberIsSexy »

charles

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1069 on: November 01, 2009, 07:34:42 pm »
I confess I actually read UIS's entire post above  :-\
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CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1070 on: November 01, 2009, 08:14:05 pm »
"I love you, but I love everyone, and I don't love you more than anyone else." 

Well, I emphatically don't love everyone. So even if I don't want to date them, they are still "special" to me.

Quote

just my two cents.  May or may not actually be worth that much on the open market.

Doesn't matter, I wouldn't be caught dead using money on the open market.
And not just because CDSM is never caught.

UmberIsSexy

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1071 on: November 02, 2009, 08:21:18 am »
I confess I actually read UIS's entire post above  :-\
You poor bastard.  Even I couldn't get through the whole thing...

I confess I thought it was really smart when I wrote it, but looking at it now, the word that comes to mind is "arrogant".  Also "not very coherent writingwise".

"I love you, but I love everyone, and I don't love you more than anyone else." 

Well, I emphatically don't love everyone. So even if I don't want to date them, they are still "special" to me.

I'm not sure what that means...

EDIT: I think my long-ass post should have ended after the first paragraph.  That much of it seems ok.

BTW thanks for taking a dig at me Charles (I think you did, anyway.)  I'm tired of being the only one. :D  And jeebus knows I deserve it.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2009, 08:27:50 am by UmberIsSexy »

akashayi

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1072 on: November 02, 2009, 11:21:00 am »
I confess I also read Umber's entire post, as well ;P

I'm a huge weirdo. I'm genderqueer... I act like a dude, I swear a lot and like to make nerdy references to video games and chat about the science of everything. Among everything else that makes me...me. There's a very definite point I decided not to be the quiet one anymore and to be open and honest about who I was all the time. (with the exception of some select parts of my family that don't know I like to kiss girls). I'm still utterly introverted, but no longer shy. Does that make sense? Worthwhile people stick around, and I generally only want worthwhile people as friends. I really don't have many close friends, but those close friends are tribe.

Naturally, this has caused me some measure of grief though. (now ex)Boyfriends saying stuff like "I'm not sexually attracted to you because I'm not gay" can be pretty lame. He must have secretly thought he was a woman. Damnable boobs. :P

As far as the "I hope you're not trying to walk me home".... I don't get that at all? What's wrong with being a gentleman? Or doing nice things without it being taken as some sort of sexual overture? My last ex was always pissed when I opened doors and shit, but I do that for everyone. I'm a gentleman. ./pose

Er, yeah. Maybe it's a girl thing, I don't know. Still pretty lame. *shrug*
« Last Edit: November 02, 2009, 11:25:23 am by akashayi »

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1073 on: November 02, 2009, 12:28:18 pm »
I confess I have that Polka stuck in my head again................can any one out there help me?!?!?!  :'( :'(
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Re: I confess
« Reply #1074 on: November 02, 2009, 01:20:02 pm »

I'm not sure what that means...


It means that sometimes I feel like a care about someone, but without sexual attraction, but more than just friends. Kind of like a cousin or something.


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Re: I confess
« Reply #1075 on: November 02, 2009, 01:22:34 pm »
I confess I also read Umber's entire post, as well ;P

I'm a huge weirdo. I'm genderqueer... I act like a dude, I swear a lot and like to make nerdy references to video games and chat about the science of everything. Among everything else that makes me...me. There's a very definite point I decided not to be the quiet one anymore and to be open and honest about who I was all the time. (with the exception of some select parts of my family that don't know I like to kiss girls). I'm still utterly introverted, but no longer shy. Does that make sense? Worthwhile people stick around, and I generally only want worthwhile people as friends. I really don't have many close friends, but those close friends are tribe.

Naturally, this has caused me some measure of grief though. (now ex)Boyfriends saying stuff like "I'm not sexually attracted to you because I'm not gay" can be pretty lame. He must have secretly thought he was a woman. Damnable boobs.

Probably wanted you to cook and clean for him.

Quote
As far as the "I hope you're not trying to walk me home".... I don't get that at all? What's wrong with being a gentleman? Or doing nice things without it being taken as some sort of sexual overture? My last ex was always pissed when I opened doors and shit, but I do that for everyone. I'm a gentleman. ./pose

Er, yeah. Maybe it's a girl thing, I don't know. Still pretty lame. *shrug*

Yeah, I don't know either. Maybe I misread what she was saying. I wasn't even trying to be a gentleman, I was just wanting to talk while we were still out and about. I walk people home all the time just to have conversations with them.

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1076 on: November 02, 2009, 03:48:18 pm »
I confess I actually read UIS's entire post above  :-\
You poor bastard.  Even I couldn't get through the whole thing...

I confess I thought it was really smart when I wrote it, but looking at it now, the word that comes to mind is "arrogant".  Also "not very coherent writingwise".

"I love you, but I love everyone, and I don't love you more than anyone else." 

Well, I emphatically don't love everyone. So even if I don't want to date them, they are still "special" to me.

I'm not sure what that means...

EDIT: I think my long-ass post should have ended after the first paragraph.  That much of it seems ok.

BTW thanks for taking a dig at me Charles (I think you did, anyway.)  I'm tired of being the only one. :D  And jeebus knows I deserve it.


Yeah pretty meandering. I did read the whole thing too. And as masochistic as that was you bring up some good points. I agree that people are more likely to think your thinking about chopping them up in little pieces if you don't actually talk about whatever neurotic thing is bothering you. They're much more likely to think whatever your thinking about is worse then whatever you are actually thinking, no matter how neurotic it may be.  But if you share, they'll just think your neurotic. Just like everyone else.  ::)
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Re: I confess
« Reply #1077 on: November 03, 2009, 08:25:50 am »
To me, Akasha, you sound more like just honestly human than some idenitity label constructed for people with too narrow mindsets to be honest to themselves, much less to others.

UmberIsSexy

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1078 on: November 04, 2009, 05:06:05 pm »
Yeah pretty meandering. I did read the whole thing too. And as masochistic as that was you bring up some good points. I agree that people are more likely to think your thinking about chopping them up in little pieces if you don't actually talk about whatever neurotic thing is bothering you. They're much more likely to think whatever your thinking about is worse then whatever you are actually thinking, no matter how neurotic it may be.  But if you share, they'll just think your neurotic. Just like everyone else.  ::)

Yeah exactly!  It really puts people at ease I find, and makes things easier.

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Re: I confess
« Reply #1079 on: November 04, 2009, 09:47:58 pm »
I confess I feel like a horrible person because I know I wouldn't be able to love my kid if they were mentally disabled.