I confess I really envy my dorky nonthreatening Asian friend. Everyone loves him. I think I could weather being constantly targeted by the gay guys for that.
Everyone, I get the feeling is threatened me because I tall and quiet.
And I don't want them to. I want to be the guy that's all trustable. Because I totally am.
It's like...everytime I try to do a nice thing for someone I want to be friends with, I think they end up getting creeped because they think I'm trying to get in their pants, which I'm not. Grr.
It's also why I can't tell people I care about that I care about/love them, because they wouldn't understand.
God dammit.
--addendum: basically this comes from me walking back from someone's apartment last night and the chick I was with was like "I hope you're not tryiing to walk me home" and I didn't know how to respond to that so I just said, "No" rather unconvincingly I think, which is not remotely true, I just wanted to be sociable since it was roughly on the way back to my place.
Now I'm afraid she'll think I've got a thing for her and not want to be near me.
...at least you're walking around with chicks?
I can relate to what you're saying. My advice: Talk more, say what's on your mind. You're a weirdo, and you need to let people understand where you're coming from. It'll take more explanation than the average person has to provide, but even if you get some weird looks or people trying to change the subject at first, stick with it. They won't be able to get rid of you entirely, and when they (meaning the more worthwhile folks) finally start to make an attempt to actually figure you out rather than try to get you to fit into their preconceptions of what people are like (which is setting the bar far too low - you don't want to fit that mold anyway, you'd be selling yourself short and "hiding your light under a bushel basket" or whatever that saying is), they'll find that you're both nonthreatening, dorky, reliable, and pretty well-intentioned and nice in general. Not to mention funny.
People need to have sort of an owner's manual with weird people like us. At first there has to be an orientation period. Some things you'll have to repeat, such as "I love you, but I love everyone, and I don't love you more than anyone else." I used to say that a lot. No one ever seemed to really get that one, especially girls that I was "dating" or whatever. They ignored that one completely. Sort of different, but maybe along the lines of what that girl you mentioned needed explaining. Maybe as simple as "Listen. I'm not trying to get with you. I don't know you that well. (optional portion:) Maybe someday I will want to, who knows? but right now? No. *smile*"
But if you can get into a habit of letting your inner self show out, people will get where you're at more and more easily. It's not fragging easy, it takes constant discipline and not giving a shit about other people, like really not caring. Since you're sensitive and thoughtful, even if you try your hardest not to care you'll still be empathizing with others way more than the average dude (ie. Akasha
). With practice someday you can do both simultaneously, but first I'd say focus on yourself and speaking out your thoughts. If you're anything like me, in social situations you tend to be more focused on what other people are thinking/doing than you are on yourself. Which is not a bad thing inherently, but it leaves you out of the equation.
Maybe that's not what you're like, but it does sound like you could do with expressing yourself a bit more. When I started forcing myself to do it, I was really pleased with the results. Like I say, it gets you some weird looks and makes some people uncomfortable, but that's sort of a side benefit. It filters out people who don't consider it worth the effort to attempt to see where you're coming from, or who are uncomfortable with what you are.
but at least you won't be the "quiet tall guy kind of looming around scarily". I totally fit that description before. Ugh. I've even had a few times in my life where there were indications that girls didn't find me horribly unattractive, which was like...so, so far from my picture of reality. But let's not get into my psychological closet. But it's funny that I was quiet, because I actually can't shut up sometimes. Very few people want to listen though. Luckily my wife's definitely on the "want to listen" team.
just my two cents. May or may not actually be worth that much on the open market.
EDIT: Oh! And your last sentence:
Now I'm afraid she'll think I've got a thing for her and not want to be near me.
Does A necessarily imply B?
Maybe it does in this case, but I'm just saying...perhaps 8 or 9 out of 10 times A implies ~B, even if only because people like attention and are usually starved for it.