I confess that I opened up Pidgin, and I saw Salubi online on an account I don't use much and recently plugged into my pidgin.
I confess set it to Appear permanently offline to her.
I confess this isn't because of any ill feeling towards her, it's just because I'm sick of being lied to(even though she's a terrible liar, and I can see through her like a pane of clean glass - It's just that the sheer stupidity and pointlessness of these lies is frankly insulting), and having her talk to me like I'm a piece of shit, just because she believes some truly stupid shit about me, that she should know better than to believe - I mean, Christ, she knows me better than anyone else, and suddenly she somehow gets some stupid ideas in her head, or believes some stupid shit that someone else has set me up for(hint - It's a he, and the he in question is a lying, cheating scumbag) and bang, I'm the worst person on earth.
I confess that Salubi's new boyfriend is cheating on her, and she discovered this, and broke up with him. They got back together, and From what I've been told about it, He achieved this by blaming me for what she found out, basically saying that I'd just planted the information.
(Edit - I confess that I did not seek out the information, it was told to me by someone who knows her, and is as disgusted and angered by his treatment of her as I am)
I confess that I knew this before she ever even had an inkling of discovering it, and could have told her at Easter when I last saw her at length, but all it took was her looking at me like shit she'd scraped from the bottom of her wellington, and when she didn't speak more truth than three words the entire time, I decided not to tell her, on the flimsy justification that as She lied to me, cheated on me, and generally treated me like I was nothing more than a meal ticket, and He's lied and is lying to her, is cheating on her, and treats her as nothing more than a sex-toy, They deserve each other.
I confess that I often feel bad for thinking this, because Salubi always deserved better than the likes of me, and instead, she picked up someone far, far worse - someone who isn't worth having me spit in his face.
I confess that I'm extremely angry with her - My mother told me recently that she'd been e-mailing salubi - This makes sense, Salubi was basically part of my family, they loved her without exception - and despite that I outright told her not to tell me so much as a single word that salubi had said, because it wasn't my business, my mother still told me that She'd said she might talk to me again, but that she won't do it now, because she feels it's all just too much of a production.
I confess this angered me so greatly and disgusted me to my core for two reasons
1)It's not a production - I've followed her every wish in spirit and letter, and been nothing but kind, but for one time where I wasn't expecting to get her on the phone, and I had to clamp down on my emotions so that I wouldn't freak out with fear(that I'd be accused of some other loony-tunes level whacky shit, or she and her new pet psycho cause me even more goddamned trouble, because he's fucking insecure enough to have started doing stupid shit to try and get me out of the picture completely) and thanks to that, I sounded angry. The only part of it that makes it a production is the stupid shit she thinks is the truth, and her own inability to accept that she did anything wrong at all, or lied at any point.
2)I know She's not going to do it, and while I don't really mind if she tries her fucking lies and headgames with me, My family is off limits.
That cowardly, pathetic little pissant that has taken her on as nothing more than a convenient fuck-toy earned me as an enemy by speaking on my family.
And now she's lying and playing headgames with my mother, giving her false hopes that everything will be okay again, and that the girl she loves like a daughter will come back to the fold.
Let me lay out the rule, as thus - you can fuck with me all you like, I'll deal with whatever trouble you cause, and respond in kind if necessary, as rare as that need is. But you never, ever fuck with my family.
I confess that it also makes me both angry and sad that she doesn't even acknowledge that she did anything wrong, in fact, it seems she actively avoids it, and for the most part, dumps all the blame on me. I confess that this hurts me deeply.
I confess that I'm also powerful angry at myself, because I was provided with legal counsel, and I have her dead to rights for Defamation, Harassment, and as an Accessory to Assault, and the Pathetic Pissant on the same though minus the "Accessory to", but I couldn't bring myself to serve her with papers, in light of our history together, and dismissed my legal counsel.
I confess that I wouldn't be so sure that Salubi doesn't read this - My various accounts have been logged into in the past from IP addresses that match where she goes to university, the area her boyfriend lives, a Mobile provider over here(He has an iPhone on a data plan) just for a few - and I know she knew my passwords at the time this was occurring. Also, it's easy enough to find my posts here via Google, especially if you know the right keywords (For example, "Churba Flipside") and some of her friends are still on my Facebook, and I wouldn't be surprised anymore after how she's behaved, frankly, if she was getting information from them.
I confess that I couldn't give less of a damn if she does. What's she gonna do? Spread some more stupid shit around about me? Sic that pathetic, cowardly streak of pelican piss boyfriend on me? Respond in kind? Yeah, right. I'm about as bothered by that as I am about being abducted by aliens - that is to say, not in the goddamned slightest.
I confess that I still don't wish her any harm, and only want the best for her, and when I bumped into her by accident a while back, seeing the look on her face (a mix of shock, horror and sorrow, It seemed to me and the girl I was with at the time) and the fact that she looked like absolute hell hurt me very deeply and made me very, very worried about her, and I all I could do not to start saying something stupid and trying to help her was to claim that we had "Other things to do" and walked off.
I confess that I hate myself for not expressing my concern to her, though it would have done nothing and not helped anything.
I confess that I still miss her being around.
I confess I wish we could get this whole thing sorted out, but I know that's not the case, because no matter what I say or do, as soon as the new boy says something different, she'll just believe him without thinking about it.
I confess that I'm still hurting very, very badly over the whole thing.
I confess that the very thought of love at the moment makes me angry and depressed, as does marriage.
I confess that I will never, ever, ever let anyone get into the position where they could hurt me that badly again, and I confess that I will never, ever, ever let myself get hurt like that again.
I confess that even though I know it's stupid, I can't bring myself to trust women, barring a very, very small few.
I confess that I have confessed too much, but I confess that I couldn't stop.
(Edits - De-whited the post, spelling, and small addition.)
