Author Topic: Keaoden's Literature, Ch.4 Peak  (Read 7701 times)

Keaoden Silverstride

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Keaoden's Literature, Ch.4 Peak
« on: April 01, 2009, 11:23:26 pm »
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« Last Edit: July 22, 2010, 01:02:23 am by Keaoden Silverstride »

UmberIsSexy

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Re: Keaoden's Art Attempts
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2009, 12:20:52 pm »
those feelings..I know them well.  I don't know if it's just because I I've felt that way before, but I can feel a lot while I'm reading your words.

"Friend, Family, those that are called Loved ones"
"lying to them, all of them, and myself."
"I've left them broken for so long I can hardly remember how to put them back together."

I felt like that for the longest freaking time.  The part about Hope is insightful.

really good.

I never had a "she" though, that I cared about.  Thank goodness.

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Re: Keaoden's Art Attempts
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2009, 06:49:49 am »
know how the part about running away feels, at times all i want to do  is escape out to the hills away from every thing and everyone.  if i go out for walks late at night find my self looking down at the railway staion and wonder if any one would miss me if i just packed a Bergan and took off.
Dont make friends easily, never have Too many have left me torn apart and my last relationship ended in disaster.


good work BTW.  ;)
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2010, 12:10:28 pm »
That's certainly interesting.

Though...I have no idea how to critique such works.

Selan

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2010, 11:30:18 am »
It was easy to follow, i noticed one sentence was off tho:

As the cougar finished going Kat over it again got up onto all fours and to her amazement it came right up to her and rubbed its head right against her face letting out what she thought was an affectionate growl.

I like the way you write, it's not my type of story, but i could see people wanting to read it and enjoy it.

CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2010, 12:50:19 pm »
That's certainly interesting.

Though...I have no idea how to critique such works.
Well, was it easy to follow, did you like it, would you want to read more?
Things like that are what I really like to know, cause well, Im vain like that.

I don't do erotica, but it was interesting.

I'd maybe read more, if you're interested in getting some more technical criticism.
I thought maybe in a few places your phrasing is awkward and could use some smoothing.

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2010, 01:04:56 pm »
Only critique I have is that you misplaced a few letters, loosing some, switching some in the end or start of a word.
Second is a technicality that isn't nessessary to implement and that's the fact that the hymen isn't a barrier, it's just another fold in there, and any bleeding is in excess of 90% probability caused indirectly by stress induced tension and insuficcient natural lubrication.

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2010, 04:18:47 pm »
I thought it might have been from cats having spiky bits.

Emp_Dragon

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2010, 07:01:42 am »
I thought it might have been from cats having spiky bits.

LOL! Of that, however, I have no knowledge XD

But there is too few spiky bits in most texts anyway ;)

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2010, 11:13:31 am »
I don't do romance either.  :P

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2010, 11:35:28 am »
What? can I be blamed for beeing able to be attracted to females of most imaginable races?

Selan

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2010, 11:57:59 am »
Great!
I'm eager to see where this will lead to.
I like your story telling skills  8)

Keaoden Silverstride

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #12 on: February 28, 2010, 09:53:55 pm »
Great!
I'm eager to see where this will lead to.
I like your story telling skills  8)
Aww, thank you Selan.
I'm honestly not really sure where to go with this right now.

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2010, 08:17:42 am »
As long as you keep the story coming we'll be happy and don't have to come after you ;)

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2010, 12:11:41 pm »
And you should fear upsetting us... we are heavily armed with straight jackets, ball gags and other sinister tools of sadistic pleasure

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, NSFW 18+ erotic romance
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2010, 01:49:16 pm »
I knew some had been in my wardrobe!
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

Keaoden Silverstride

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #16 on: April 01, 2010, 09:58:01 am »
Just something to tide you people over.

Stupid bitch
By
Keaoden Silverstride

No matter what it was, she would always come for me, no matter what I ask her to do, no matter what. She loves me. Today was no different, I asked her to meet me down at warehouse 7, that old unused building was where we would always go to when we needed each other. I needed her to do for me one last thing.

Today would be the last day I would see her, and maybe my last day ever. As I heard her motorcycle pull up behind the building I was prepared for this moment. I had been for a long while now.

"Keaoden!" she called out, "Honey!, I'm here!" I could hear her high leather boots tapping across the concrete of the warehouse; she wore those whenever we were out together. She knew I loved those boots on her. "Where are you?" she called out again. She had the sweetest voice as she called out my name. She finally found me inside the stale building, and a smile blossomed across her soft face. "Keaoden, why didn't you answer me? I came as soon as I could"

I wonder what she will do?

She stopped in her rush to me when she heard the click of my revolver's hammer.

"Keao? What's going on?"

I didn't give her any answer as I raised the gun at her. She didn't move, she wasn't even scared, she knew I would never harm her. That's what she knew.

"Keao?"

I still let her go unanswered; I let the weapon go slack, right before I pulled on the trigger in a quick click. I did not miss. The fifty caliber round found her right shin and shattered her bone before it crushed into the floor behind her.

She didn't know what happened at first, then she fell. Screaming and crying in pain there on the cold floor in front of me. Staring up at the far ceiling she rolled over clutching her leg.

"Keao!, why! Dammit! God, it, it hurts!"

I still didn't answer her, I wasn't finished with her yet. I slowly walked over to the woman I once called my love. Grabbing her hand away I still didn't see any fear in her eyes as again I raised my weapon and this time I put the bullet into her other shin, now she could not escape.

Her screams echoed out but no one would hear her cries but me. She kept asking me, pleading for me to tell her why. I was still silent but, I couldn't help myself, I had allowed a smile to cross my lips as I dragged her along by one arm. At the far wall of the warehouse I sat her up against it and bound her hand high above her head. She was too weak, and in too much pain to fight me, I locked the metal biding and slowly began to stand but not before I took her cell phone from the pocket of her leather jacket, the jacket I gave her for her nineteenth birthday. She knew I loved how she looked in that jacket. She still stared at me with those glistening navy blue eyes of hers full of tears, but not just because of the pain, from our under her long, and beautiful chocolate brown hair.

"Why are you doing this? I love you." She cried, repeating it over and over, begging for an answer.

I knew she loved me, that she still loved me. She was such a stupid bitch. I still had a slick smile as this time I raised the gun to my own throat.

"You have a choice. I will give you ten seconds to decide, have me pull the trigger and end all of this, or I call 911 and have them save your life. If you don't give me an answer by ten, I will just kill you."

She just stared at me, her mouth agape like she couldn't believe what was happening was even real.

"One."

"Two"

I had started to count when she, still sobbing, with tears overflowing down her cheeks screamed at me again. "Keao, please, just tell me! I love you, please tell me!"

"Three"

"Four"

"Five"

I clicked back the hammer on my revolver still waiting her to answer me. She would never know why I did all of this harm to her, and she will be better off because of it.

"Six"

"Seven"

I took the barrel of the gun from my neck and brought it to bare at her, she still hadn't answered me.

"Eight"

"Nine"

As I was ready to kill her right then she screamed, "Call them! God, call 911."
I smiled as I replaced my weapon to its holster. "Good girl" was all I said as I dialed the number on her cell phone. As soon as I told the operator on the other end what she needed I placed the pink cell down and walked to my girl. I leaned down and looked into her deep navy blue eyes, there was still no fear, even after all of this she wasn't afraid of me. I brought my hand to her face and slowly caressed her cheek.

"Goodbye Katherine, this is the last time we will ever see each other."

She shook her head furiously, "Please, Keao, don't, I love you, don't leave."

I couldn't hold it back anymore as I began to laugh, "You really are a stupid bitch."

She shook her head, "Y-you said you loved me, Keao, what happened to you?"

As I started away I did give her once answer. "I lied."

That was the last day I saw her, I left the country to pursue my, craft. Katherine lived after that day, she was even able to walk after all of it as well. She is still single in our old apartment, living alone in our shared home.

She really is a stupid bitch, for falling for me.

Razzly

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2010, 01:30:54 pm »
Oh my. That was... Dark. Made me veel very uncomfortable.
Winner of Brion Foulke's "cute little panda"-award.
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CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #18 on: April 01, 2010, 01:45:27 pm »
Oh my. That was... Dark. Made me veel very uncomfortable.

Yeah, I'm with Razzly on that one.

Churba

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2010, 01:51:20 pm »
I laughed out loud when I got to the bit where he fires a .50 Caliber revolver one handed, without axing himself.

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2010, 03:00:05 am »
Dont worry Churba its fiction give him some slack, the recoil would of broken his fingers when he loosend his grip on the gun.
What good is dreaming it if you don't actually do it?.

Keaoden Silverstride

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #21 on: April 08, 2010, 01:27:18 pm »
Oh my. That was... Dark. Made me feel very uncomfortable.
I'm glad it was received how I intended it to be.
Oh my. That was... Dark. Made me veel very uncomfortable.
Yeah, I'm with Razzly on that one.
Thank you.
I laughed out loud when I got to the bit where he fires a .50 Caliber revolver one handed, without axing himself.
Dont worry Churba its fiction give him some slack, the recoil would of broken his fingers when he loosend his grip on the gun.
Well honestly I was going by the experience I have with the S&W 500, its supposed to have less recoil than a .38 and you can fire one of those one handed, ish.
But maybe I could work on that bit for the future. ^^;

Churba

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #22 on: April 08, 2010, 02:17:10 pm »
Quote
Well honestly I was going by the experience I have with the S&W 500, its supposed to have less recoil than a .38 and you can fire one of those one handed, ish.
But maybe I could work on that bit for the future. ^^;
That's because a S&W 500 is heavy, has relatively soft rubber grips to help absorb the shock, a relatively long barrel and either a Muzzle brake or a recoil compensator, depending on the model. On top of that, there is a model that looks almost exactly like a S&W 500, but is actually the 460, which is essentially the same, but Uses the S&W version of a .45 cartridge.

The thing is, you have two choices - Be specific, or be vague and roughly realistic. One gun is not all guns, and one shooter is not all shooters.

Churba

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #23 on: April 08, 2010, 08:28:29 pm »
Quote
Well honestly I was going by the experience I have with the S&W 500, its supposed to have less recoil than a .38 and you can fire one of those one handed, ish.
But maybe I could work on that bit for the future. ^^;
That's because a S&W 500 is heavy, has relatively soft rubber grips to help absorb the shock, a relatively long barrel and either a Muzzle brake or a recoil compensator, depending on the model. On top of that, there is a model that looks almost exactly like a S&W 500, but is actually the 460, which is essentially the same, but Uses the S&W version of a .45 cartridge.

The thing is, you have two choices - Be specific, or be vague and roughly realistic. One gun is not all guns, and one shooter is not all shooters.
That, really helps a lot Churba, thank you.
Guns - I know them well.

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2010, 08:04:53 am »
And >.45 handguns in general aren't useful for much besides backup at big/potentially dangerous game hunting or firing range competitions.

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #25 on: April 09, 2010, 09:15:59 pm »
Clearly the solution is to make the main character a vampire.

Churba

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Re: Keaoden's Literature, Stupid bitch
« Reply #26 on: April 09, 2010, 09:33:19 pm »
And >.45 handguns in general aren't useful for much besides backup at big/potentially dangerous game hunting or firing range competitions.
If you think that, then you need to learn to aim, and stop listening to Americans about calibre choice.