Messages

61

Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: September 16, 2014, 06:47:23 pm »

What was fun about it Smiles? Did you go for an event or gathering?

Woo-hoo, yes! I started BJJ (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) class yesterday...major life accomplishment!

(I know starting a class doesn't sound like an accomplishment, but I have waited a long time (I think about 2 years) as the motivation built inside until the point where I felt very enthusiastic and peaceful about going. Also, my schedule has opened up a lot, creating the space to fit this in comfortably. It was a lot of fun and I am very committed...not to any long-term goal, really, but to going every week.)

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Free Talk / Re: Shrink's sofa

« on: September 11, 2014, 07:39:22 am »

Thanks! That's what I did today. I explained that I believe that she carries a lot of "emotional baggage", not in so many words, but I pointed out some examples that illustrate this point pretty clearly, and presented it in the context of "If you don't get some help, I don't think I can stay." She agreed for a second, and then went right back to attacking me brutally. After she had had her fill, she was in a great mood, chatting with family and friends happily on her phone, while I was left...well I actually was pretty okay because of some meditation techniques and a book I've been reading by Eckhart Tolle. I was able to "ground out" or breathe through a lot of the emotion she was throwing at me and not get involved in it, but I was still reeling somewhat just from the concentration and from flowing with all those hurtful words.

I don't want to talk badly about her. (and by that I mean I would LOVE to talk badly about her, but it just wouldn't be right) I have my own part in this, and part of it is not sitting in my own truth fully, and therefore blaming her for a lot of stuff and directing a lot of anger towards her, where a lot of problems could have been avoided if I had just taken responsibility for my part, my role in everything, or just being conscious of what I've been doing sometimes subconsciously to her.

And by that I mean basically just stepping up and making decisions that need to be made, rather than just allowing things to happen passively or half-assedly and then getting butthurt about the outcome and as a result being shitty to her for no reason that has anything to do with the situation at hand.

But anyway, I think I learned something today: I don't really expect her to change her ways. She seems very content to stay where she's at, whereas I am always internally focused, trying to get better and better, always seeking the next level of success, peace, power, and clarity...not that I'm at a high level, but that's what I'm interested in, personally progressing in different ways.

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Free Talk / Re: Shrink's sofa

« on: September 10, 2014, 09:38:10 pm »

"I met my lover while we were sitting on a sofa at a party. We discovered that we had common interests in 'extrovert-watching' and 'wallflowering'. Also we like to read, replay conversations in our head, and avoid social contact...um, together."

Not really, just joking.

Man, just had a discussion with my wife...was really needed, but boy those are...well they require a lot of presence and attention. Mostly just me sitting there and providing space for her emotions to express. She says the most horrible things!! But, she doesn't mean them. Most of being with her is just striving not to get into it with her. I think this is a big part of being a man (ie. male role) actually.

She says if we ever divorced she'd have to leave the country!! She couldn't stand being around while I got another girlfriend.......ugh, I sometimes feel I want to blow my brains out. Of course that wouldn't help anything.

I don't think she would...but when she says these things it hurts me so badly! (for those who don't know, I have two kids and if they left the country it would be about equivalent to me having a foot removed...maybe...I haven't actually given much thought as to losing which body part would be the equivalent of my kids moving far away.)

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Free Talk / Re: Shrink's sofa

« on: September 01, 2014, 08:50:40 pm »

I wanna be more natural with my human parts!

jk-very well said Akasha.

I couldn't imagine not being introverted actually. Imagine being dependent on interaction with others for happiness!! I like being totally self-sufficient...

...though it's never "totally".

So, what happens when two introverts get together romantically?

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: September 01, 2014, 08:46:42 pm »

Not living ones!!

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: August 26, 2014, 09:27:04 pm »

Spit on those kittens!

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: August 26, 2014, 12:00:56 am »

Yuck!!

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: August 21, 2014, 07:45:47 am »

Hey 'sup p-Kid?

What's good in the hood?

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Free Talk / Re: Shrink's sofa

« on: July 09, 2014, 09:55:03 pm »

I need tons of alone time, but I love to interact with children, but mostly as a humorous authority/teacher figure. I'm not really capable of true playfulness with others as equals...kind of disappointing...it makes me nervous and uncomfortable.  There are bursts of it that occur, but it's not normal for me at all.

I'm also way sexual, probably unhealthily so, which is kind of weird because I'm pretty antisocial.

I hope I'm not a sociopath or whatever.  Luckily, I'm going to start counseling tomorrow.

where do you fit in to the social needs scale?

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: July 09, 2014, 09:47:34 pm »

Wow Ducky, it seems you were actually more honest with him and yourself than your first post made it seem.  Nicely done!

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: July 08, 2014, 09:12:04 pm »

ducky!!

So here it comes!!!

Sounds like you're both being pussies. If you want him for more than a friend, you should tell him so and then move on if he's not ready for you, because there are so many other men in the world and you deserve to be satisfied as a person and a woman in every way imaginable. Not everyone is in a position or in an emotional state to fulfill all those needs for you, so you (and this means everyone) can't get stuck on one person. It just doesn't make sense, although it is "normal" and dictated by society and popular culture to do so.

On his end, he either was being a dick to you (which actually means he loves you and wants to be with you, so he needs to drop his dead weight and get with you (which you should tell him, btw), and which really means he wasn't being a dick but actually more of a pussy), or he wasn't being a dick because he was being true to his girl, who he loves and wants to be with right now. He's saying that he was a dick but his behavior is still right where it was before, so he's being a pussy.

Probably, you don't think you're good enough for him in some way or another, so you've put yourself in a position of waiting in the wings, which is safe emotionally and doesn't require you to make a real choice. I would offer that you are probably good enough to bring him, or someone else, a LOT of happiness just by focusing on the positive and connecting with the person and most importantly fucking their brains out!!! Anything else is just icing on the cake, but I would recommend against getting hung up on the form of a relationship and focusing as much as you can manage on the present moment, and creating space for the kind of present moments that you would like to have more of.  (Eckhart Tolle might help with your ability to live in and enjoy the present moment, look him up on Youtube.)

I don't mean to be accusatory or blaming, just think you might be happier if you took a touch more responsibility for your situation, ie. let the dude know (in whatever way you find appropriate, either by just saying so (it makes it easier for men to understand), or by turning up the flirting a notch or 10) that you're ready for him to step up, and if he doesn't, open up your mental space for someone even better, more attractive, and more suitable for you to come in. Someone will be there for you.  All those men out there are just waiting for you to know that you are hot shit.

Does that help at all?

This also might be helpful and fun to watch!
Sean Stephenson on relationships

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Free Talk / Re: Shrink's sofa

« on: July 08, 2014, 08:40:22 pm »

Emp!

Wow that is super deep...I can relate, actually. I used to make every single decision with "Eeny Meeny Miney Moe" when I was a kid, (it's a rhyme where you point to different things with each word of the rhyme and when you say the last word, what you're pointing to is your choice), because I was terrified of any decision at all.  This was for, like, choosing which candy bar to eat or something like that. If there was a socially expected choice for a more important decision, of course I went for that. It took me years to get out of that and actually start making decisions for myself and thinking about what I actually wanted, and with the more important social decisions, I'm still working on unprogramming myself. When I was a kid, at first it seemed like fun to my overly logical and analytical mind to have some system to determine an outcome which required no thought, but later it became a burden and I always made myself so angry by leaving myself out of every equation.

Now, it's so ingrained in me to do what others want or society expects that I have to be constantly vigilant against it. Another thing that has come of fighting (internally) to make my own decisions is that I have found out what an asshole I am, which is coming as somewhat of a surprise. What I actually want is often so out of line with what society or the people around me want, or what my past behavior has conditioned those close to me to expect, that it's quite shocking and adds another layer of difficulty on my goal of actually making my own choices from within.

Akasha...great to see you...feel free to come visit me in Taiwan anytime. If my wife leaves me for hanging out with you, so be it!! No, just kidding, I would have to largely leave you to your own devices due to work and family and being too old to keep up, but I could show you the good clubs and give you a couple good nights of my energy and focus!

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Free Talk / Re: Shrink's sofa

« on: June 27, 2014, 09:48:54 pm »

Thanks a lot Emp!!! Thanks for reading my rambling rant and actually pulling some sense out of it.  I was not drunk at the time by the way, but reading back it sure looked like it.  Just at a low point. Good to type it out.

I've contacted a psychologist now and will be having a first session coming up. I'm reserving all decisions except the one to do my best to keep moving forward towards the best possible outcome. I've dabbled with the idea of seeing a psych before but I feel way more committed now.

Do you live with your partner?

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: June 25, 2014, 06:47:30 pm »

Oddball, I figure you're probably going to say "hi", so this is a preemptive strike:

Hi Odd!!! I love you buddy! Nice to see you!!

So cool that you're still here and still modding the old place, keeping everyone in line and laying down the line with howitzers and airstrikes.

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: June 25, 2014, 06:43:53 pm »

Yay 1000 posts!

Took me a while to make those last few.

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Free Talk / Re: Shrink's sofa

« on: June 25, 2014, 06:41:58 pm »

Just wanted to say BE FUCKING CAREFUL WHO YOU MARRY AND HAVE KIDS WITH!!!

Probably seems like common sense to some people, who probably have self esteem and other mentally healthy attributes, like perhaps a somewhat accurate understanding of themselves and their position in the world...it sure wasn't obvious to me.  I simultaneously had no standards and was not honest with myself about exactly how useless I am as a person...pretty sure I shouldn't have reproduced. I am an alcoholic with little or no original ideas, inner motivation (except to get laid...and be good to my kids, and the kids of the world in general...ok I do have tons of inner motivation about certain things, but I am really not A MAN, in the sense of being a leader and GETTING THINGS DONE. And I want to be A MAN. I relate with my male energy, I don't feel happy taking a passive role in relationships...and yet I have ooooodles of female energy, I am reactive to the point of ridiculousness, my default position is always the position of others, and I just don't hardly have any original thoughts, just reactive ones...reactive to my life, assembling the positions of others, reconciling and appraising, AT ALL TIMES, 100% of the time. I am addicted to self-improvement stuff or just anything I can watch. It's so hard for me to create.)

My marriage has fucking laid my life to waste now, she needles me and drains my energy. It's subconscious I think, not intentional, but she is very active in NOT WANTING ME TO GET ANY BETTER (improve myself) because she knows I want desperately to leave her and am attracted to tons of women, and often even attract them too. Stagnation is the opposite of growth which is the opposite of life in my opinion, and it's really killing me because I know it, but I feel I can't leave it because I don't want to hurt my kids, though I'm getting close to making the leap of faith, with the hopes that I can be a better dad when I'm not miserable and broken.

However, I've been saying I'm close to leaving for seriously about a decade now. Sigh.

Anyway, BE FUCKING CAREFUL WITH PREGNANCY!!!

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Free Talk / Re: Some advice

« on: June 25, 2014, 06:37:27 pm »

Damn, wish I saw this earlier.

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: June 25, 2014, 06:35:29 pm »

Hi ducky! I remember you!

Just stopped in to post in "Comic Discussion" because I liked the current direction of the comic, and ended up poking around the old haunts. It's cool to see the people that are still here (assuming you are really people), the people who are not still here, and the people that are rarely here...and everybody.

Gonna head over to the psych couch now. I always was too serious and heavy.

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Flipside Discussion / Re: Chapter 40: Discussion

« on: June 24, 2014, 12:45:08 am »

I am very interested in where this is going to go!! I love that the comic is getting back to its rootiest roots right now!

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Flipside Discussion / Re: Chapter 40: Discussion

« on: March 26, 2014, 09:24:15 am »

Enjoying the threads that are running in the comic right now!

I love Maytag deep in negotiation!

Also love Bernadette in ANY combat situation!

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Flipside Discussion / Re: Chapter 38: Discussion

« on: September 27, 2013, 05:38:41 pm »

Hey, what happened to the box?

Guess it disappeared when they stopped focusing on creating it.

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Free Talk / Re: The Chat Thread

« on: September 24, 2013, 08:41:08 pm »

Congrats and I hope your life together is always beautiful and happy!

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Free Talk / Re: The Sex Thread: AKA "What are you wearing right now? ;)" (NC-17)

« on: September 24, 2013, 08:13:08 pm »

Which means?

Cargo shorts, boxers, and not-really crocs

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Flipside Discussion / Re: Chapter 38: Discussion

« on: September 24, 2013, 08:08:33 pm »

OK having trouble with updates only coming three times a week now...these last few pages have left me dying to see the next one.

Why the hell indeed are there 3 Marys???  I assume Suspiria's fine, then, as well.  But what's happening??  Is the phalanx going down?  I hope there is at least partial resolution by the end of this chapter!  So many big cans of worms have been opened!

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Free Talk / Re: The Sex Thread: AKA "What are you wearing right now? ;)" (NC-17)

« on: August 28, 2012, 11:26:10 am »

What a surprise!

I like frilly skirts but think the frilly panties are a tiny bit silly.  Don't "get" that look.  Tear 'em off immediately I say!

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Free Talk / Re: Skype Meetup!

« on: August 28, 2012, 11:22:12 am »

I meant why would you NOT ditch us for a boy?   

GMT + 8 (Taiwan)  ?

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Free Talk / Re: Skype Meetup!

« on: August 27, 2012, 10:22:54 am »

Maybe I can get in next time...the time zones seem really confusing though!!

Ducky, why would you do that??

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Free Talk / Re: The 'What Did You Accomplish Today?' Thread

« on: August 02, 2012, 11:22:39 am »

I accomplished 2 things on my to do list of 10 things today.

Life is not easy some days.

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Flipside Discussion / Re: The Criticism Thread

« on: August 02, 2012, 10:52:12 am »

Agree with 9_6 about the lips.  When reading the comic, I originally stopped and stared at them every time May's lips looked like that, trying desperately to figure out what was going on with them.  It bugged the hell out of me.  I like taking out the black shading as a solution.  It fixes it completely for me.  If her bottom lip is really that big, I think it's weird-looking, but at least I can tell what I'm looking at.  Disagree about the cross-eyed deal though, that never bothered me at all.

Going back a few posts, also totally agree about the Regina panel in the water.  That was another "stop and stare" moment for me, just trying to figure out what was going on there.

I'm no artist though, this is the only Manga-style comic I read, and I have barely seen any other Manga.

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Free Talk / Re: The Sex Thread: AKA "What are you wearing right now? ;)" (NC-17)

« on: August 01, 2012, 03:47:33 am »

Lookin' great Odd!!  The shades are a nice touch!!!