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Topics - CrystalDragonSpaceMarine

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1
Something that has been on my mind lately. Outside of death metal music, anger seems to be a rare subject in the arts. I can think of dozens or hundreds of songs, and to a lesser degree books or films, that explore all sorts of aspects of human emotion...I mean love and lust songs are a dime a dozen...there's songs about angst and sadness...tragedies meant to show the exquisite and paradoxical beauty of sorrow and suffering...or just meant to explore and offer a sense of empathy to our suffering...on the flipside we have comedies that aim to inspire joy and laughter, and in a broader sense show us that life can be good or at least paint us a dream-like picture of a world we might like...likewise stories or songs to uplift and inspire hope against the tragedies. There's a whole segment devoted to horror and inspiring fear, which is especially popular in some sectors. But there's one basic emotion I don't find a lot of, and that's anger.

I can't find many good songs or works of art that express the idea of "anger" in a truly poetic way. There's tons of "fml i hate you all" emo songs, and there's generic angry metal that's all "blood crush rar" and that's all well and good, but I'd like something more eloquent and philosophical, introspective about it, so to speak.

Maybe it's just a rare worldview, in the arts in particular. I suppose it's because out of everything, anger is such an unpopular emotion that we like to avoid at all costs...possibly because it tends to lead to violence, but I can't deny the sense that anger and hate seem to be such taboo emotions in our society for being portrayed in a positive or acceptable light.

Thoughts? Examples of what I'm looking for?

2
This was brought up by a thread on another forum, where they were discussing their "top hottest anime girls".

Now, it's a given that on any big forum that has a topic like this, someone (whether an outright troll or just someone trying to look cool and make everyone else seem like a loser) will come along and say something to the effect of, "I prefer real women, to be honest". Which is what happened. And of course, people reply with the, "Well, yeah, no duh, me too" and "don't be hater".

Now, it got me thinking.

Is there anything wrong with being "in love" with a fictional character?

Is it really any different from obsessing over a celebrity? Realistically, you probably have just as much of a chance in either case.

Obviously, to obsess over them to the point where it interferes with your life, and being crazy enough to start believing you married Sephiroth on the astral plane (true example, btw) is obviously a bad thing, but that's the same with real people, isn't it?

What do you guys think? Have you ever had "character crushes"? On whom? To what intensity? Do you still have it?

Personally...my thoughts on the "do you prefer real women or fictional ones" my answer is "I'd prefer real women were more like the fictional ones". To be honest, thinking a fictional character is "hot" is a lot more than just the art style. I mean, art is so generic, pretty much any one looks good in the anime style. And a lot of times, fictional characters, by virtue of being created to inspire and entertain, simply have more vibrant personalities.

The only thing most real people have on fictional characters is that you can have actual contact with them. For for a lot of people...would you even want to? I'm not so sure anymore, really. Real people are boring. Most of the ones I've met pursue their dull hobbies and interests, sink themselves into pointless ambitions, and indulge in their own neuroses rather than, y'know, going off and doing cool stuff.

I've always wanted to be more like a fictional character. To be larger than life.
But it seems that life just drags me back down.

It's like that crab bucket thing. No one wants to break the limits...and the biggest limit of all is each other.


3
The Debate Room / Things I Don't Understand About Life And Death
« on: January 18, 2010, 05:58:13 pm »
So I've been thinking.

And I think maybe some of you can enlighten me, as I suspect you all have similar philosophies.

How do people find satisfaction with the whole "living for today" and "making the most of our short stay" type of belief?

I just don't get it.

I always plan for tomorrow, and hope that what is here now can be built upon. It is for this reason, I cling to the idea of an existence after-death, despite not having a religion.

I guess, it's just not good enough to me. I don't see the point in believing my life could end at any minute, so I should "make the most of it", because if I *do* die, then I'm dead. It won't matter, to use a common example, if I die a virgin, because I'll be dead. So why should I be motivated to pursue that, if my consciousness is destroyed? But if all virgins went to hell, or something, then that would motivate me, because it would give me tangible long-term results.



So that's why I'm motivated in life, because I plan on living forever.

What do you guys think?

4
OOC Talk / TALK: Beyond the Impossible
« on: January 10, 2010, 12:35:37 am »
Full Title
BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE
A Crazy Awesomesauce Role-playing Game
AND
Celebration of Imagination and the Human Spirit!

By CDSM
(Guest Starring CDSM)


This is a world where the only limitations are your imagination, and your willpower.
This is a role-playing game where the only rules are those you set for yourself.
This is...BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE.

The setting is simple. You can be from any time, any place, any space.
You can be any kind of character you can think of.
The only stipulation is: it's gotta be crazy. It has to be over-the-top. Go all out.
Sew together every weird idea you can think of, and make your own quilt of awesome.
Wherever they are, they will be called to take a part in the most epic event the universe has ever seen.
Are you ready to go beyond the impossible, kick reason to the curb, and then stomp on its face?

A nerd who believes the world runs off of pen-and-paper RPG rules, and it actually works out for him? Done.
A time-travelling taco salesman who collects World War II parephernalia as a hobby? Great.
A mild-mannered postman who just happens to be living incarnation of determination? It's all good.

These are just samples. The true extent of the insanity...is up to you.



5
Free Talk / The 'What Did You Accomplish Today?' Thread
« on: January 02, 2010, 06:45:14 pm »
I decided to do something new.

Instead of "taking a sabbatical" which usually fails (lol guys, I'm still posting here), I instead will keep some accountability for my goals *here*, in this thread.

You guys too! Use this thread to declare what you accomplished today, no matter no big, or how small.

Today, I:
1. Worked an 8 hour shift.
2. Was nicer than usual to customers.

And that's it. Today was...less than productive. But I have big plans for tonight!

7
Free Talk / Impressions
« on: October 27, 2009, 02:13:39 pm »
Can any of you do any good impressions?

I don't have many, but I find that I can do a pretty good Christopher Lee imitation.


8
The Debate Room / Sex Dolls
« on: October 25, 2009, 08:32:06 pm »
This subject has come to my attention, and I can't recall us really discussing it in depth anywhere, which surprised me considering how sexually focused our conversation is.

So, what are you thoughts on sex dolls?

Do you think they are creepy?

Do you think people who use them are lame/creepy?

If so, why is it different than using porn/sex toys (assuming you don't find those lame/creepy)?

Would you ever consider getting/using one? (I imagine the answer is no for all of you, since a good deal of you have real people relationships, but I still thought I'd ask).

If you have an hour to spare and you're interested in the subject, there's a documentary they did: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrvbj2aRT1I.

Or if you prefer to read, here is an article: http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/feature/2005/10/11/real_dolls/index.html.


As far as my personal opinions go, I do find them a bit...off. It's that uncanny valley kind of thing. I can find aesthetic pleasure in even exaggerated art styles, but for some reason things like mannequins don't really do anything for me. But I don't really judge people that gotta do what they gotta do in getting a sex doll. I just know I could never enjoy one myself. I don't need sex, and any physical comfort would be poisoned by the fact that I know it's not real (I may as well save the thousands and hug a pillow for all the good it does me). I need real conversation and interaction with a real person...but I suppose not everyone does.

Besides, my stuffed animals would get jealous. Bros before hos and all that.



Now, if they made Chobits...

9
Free Talk / E-mails From Crazy People
« on: October 17, 2009, 12:36:45 am »
A new website I have discovered, another in the many repositories of examples of human stupidity.


http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/10/11/remember-hes-not-a-fridge-pimp/


And a truly crazy one:
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/10/01/wow-just-wow/


one more...kinda creepy
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/09/22/even-the-sentence-structure-is-horrifying/


And as a bonus, have any of you received crazy e-mails?

10
Free Talk / Ice/Snow Sculptures
« on: October 06, 2009, 11:48:36 am »
Anyone else think these are just awesome.

It's amazing how much work goes into things like that...only to have them melt away later.







http://snokiss.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/raven-ice-sculpture1.jpg (large picture)

11
Free Talk / Knuckle Tattoos
« on: September 18, 2009, 10:17:26 pm »
What's your opinion on knuckle tattoos?

Are they completely awesome?

Are they completely lame?

If so, why?

What do you think would make good knuckle tattoos?


I personally like "NASA" and "GZUS", since one is the fist that'll send you into space, and the other is the fist only Jesus can save you from.

12
OOC Talk / Would anybody be interested in an online D&D game?
« on: August 28, 2009, 09:46:19 pm »
RoninAngel expressed some interest, so I thought I'd ask here if anyone would be interested in starting a 3.5 D&D game.

We'd do it on this site: www.rpol.net
It's got a dice roller built in, so no worries about that.

I'd be willing to DM it, though thus far I don't have a game-style premise, mainly because I wanted to know what other people are into.
I personally prefer character driven storylines, and typically I do more storylines/exploration/mysteries rather than hack'n'slash (and I think most others here do as well).

We'd be using the 3.5 ruleset, though I usually some tweaking to simplify certain elements.

As for setting and all that, it depends. My personal favorite is Planescape, but I'm familiar with Forgotten Realms, Eberron, or we could just go homebrew, it depends on everyone else's preferences.

So, any takers?

13
Free Talk / CDSM's Journal/Thoughts for the Day
« on: August 26, 2009, 08:18:55 pm »
I'm going to use this thread to make a variety of observations and poignant philosophical ideas that, quite frankly, don't fit under any of the rant threads, aren't really "chatting", and either aren't serious enough or aren't huge enough to warrant full-on discussion threads in the forum.

So nya.

Thought for the Day:

I don't get it when people "Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it."
I want to get it. That's why I'm wishing for it.



There will be more to come.

14
The Debate Room / Sex Industry Discussion
« on: August 24, 2009, 05:41:35 pm »
Okay, the drug discussion spurred on another question in my mind:

Should prostitution be legal? Right now, only some counties in Nevada and Rhode Island permit prostitution (although Rhode Island only makes it legal to exchange sex for money, you can't run a brothel, be a pimp, streetwalk, etc.)

If it was, of course, it would be regulated and the like. Mandatory health tests, etc.

I think it should be. I was recently watching one of those cop shows where they have the police chick dressed as a hooker waiting to be picked up by a guy, then they nab him for soliciting hookers.
Officer: You know why we're taking you in?
Dude: I guess, cuz I tried to pick up a girl.
It seemed kind of silly to me. Couldn't they be doing something better than this? Something more helpful than picking up guys that are just trying to get laid?

I don't think it would be harmful to society, especially if you divorce it from the sleazy criminal atmosphere and keep it under control like any other service.

What are your thoughts?

15
Free Talk / THE THREAD OF ULTIMATE BADASS
« on: August 15, 2009, 01:31:53 am »
I bring thee a message:


I WILL SMASH THROUGH THE SKIES AND SMITE THE GODS BACK TO THE EVER BOILING BLACK HOLE AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE SO THAT BLOOD AND BONE OF STRENGTH THAT RESIDES IN MY SOUL WILL FOREVER BURN IN THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF THOSE THAT FOLLOW AFTER ME FUELING MY HATRED WITH THE FURY OF HEAVEN UNTIL IT CONSUMES THE STARS AND THEN UNTO A MILLION SOLDIERS WILL COME CRASHING DOWN AS MY FIST LIT FROM THE EMBERS OF A DYING GALAXY ENTWINED IN THE SPIDERWEB OF ETERNITY SHACKLED TO THE WHEEL OF TIME AS IT CRUSHES THE WEAK AND TURNS TO THAT MOMENT OF PAIN AND POWER THAT MAKES THE EARTH SHAKE AND THE RING CRACKLE UNTIL MY SPIRIT EXPLODES INTO A BILLION RAZOR-SHARP FRAGMENTS CUTTING THE WORLD AND SHREDDING YOUR SANITY WITH CRUEL AND UNUSUAL LITANIES OF A THOUSAND ANGELS SPIRALING ACROSS THE HORIZONS LIFTING THE SPIRITS OF EVERY FALLEN HERO THAT NEVER FLED FROM BATTLE AS THEY RISE UP TO STRIKE AT THE NECKS OF COWARDS AND TRAITORS AND LIARS AND WEAKLINGS IN A STORM OF TEARS WHILE THE SUN BURNS AND BLINDS THEM ALL AS WAS FORETOLD IN THE BOOK OF ULTIMATE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND THEN YOU WILL KNOW THAT POWER OF THE ETERNAL WARRIOR HAS COME TO DEFEAT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That is the message.


RULES OF THIS THREAD
1. All your posts must be BADASS. Those who behave like pussies in this thread shall be castigated by a throng of hippos on ecstasy and crystal meth (with a side cocktail of various steroids). Survivors with be summarily kicked in the face by all present to complete their atonement.
2. YOU MUST TYPE IN ALL CAPS (PREFERABLY IN BOLD, LARGE SIZES, AND WARM COLORS) (Okay, not really, but consider it!)
3. THE MAJORITY OF YOUR SENTENCES SHOULD END IN EXCLAMATION POINTS! THE MORE THE BETTER!!!!!!! (Again, not really, but think about it!)
4. Exclamation Rule Corollary: If any ones are found after your exclamation points ((i.e. !!!!!111)), you be flogged with six foot cat-o-nine-tails made of bees, spiked chains, and the screams of dying orphans. While on fire (you, not the cat-o-nine-tails).
5. There is no rule five! Looks like you get a lucky break, YEW BASTERDS!!!

IN ORDER TO POST IN THIS THREAD, YOU MUST FIRST UNDERGO INITIATION!!!
Initiation consists of eating this:


THAT IS ALL. GO FORTH, TRUE BELIEVERS!
EXCELSIOR!

LINK OF NOTE: http://www.badassoftheweek.com/
READ UP ON YOUR BADASSES!!!!!!!


That all said, enjoy your foray into limitless awesome!

16
Free Talk / Money Making Venture: Partners Needed!
« on: August 11, 2009, 09:14:22 pm »
I've been thinking lately that I need a solid way to make money, and a thought struck me.

Start a cult!

It's tough to get followers though, usually those things are so small scale. But! What if the cultists were already there, merely waiting for their fervor to be harnessed?

That's why I think it'd be a good idea to start a religion that worships Michael Jackson. Yep, that's right. The Church of Michael. Jacko Christ died for your sins, and all that.

I could say how his ghost appeared to me before ascending to the great big Neverland in the sky. I bet we could get tons of people who are looking for spiritual guidance and a big fat pocket to put their money in.

So who's with me!?

17
Pop Culture / Surprisingly Good Made-for-Tv Movies
« on: August 08, 2009, 06:42:35 pm »
Okay, I know what you're thinking.

The Made-For-TV Movie. The bottomfeeder of specialty cable stations (Syfy, Lifetime, etc).

Often a cesspool of horrible acting, corny dialogue, and the cheesiest special effects in the world.

But, could there be a glimmer of goodness?

Now, I'm not asking you to rank any of these up with your favorite films of all times, but what MFTVM's have you seen that you found to be genuinely entertaining (even if they were enjoyable because they were so ridiculous).

18
"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made School Boards." --- Mark Twain


I could just put this in the rage thread, but I feel a more in-depth discussion of the educational system as its innumerable errors may be interesting. From punishing white kids because a black kid punched them, to ridiculous levels of zero tolerance policy, it's become clear to me that public school systems are being run by a bunch of idiots whose only redemption can be found on the receiving end of a torrent of consecrated promethium.




Anyways, what's set me off on this subject most recently is this: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/04/AR2009040402591.html.
The Colbert Report did a nice send-up of it.
 

I mean, seriously?

Look, God gave us the ability to judge, assess, and think. Apparently school administrators are incapable of doing any of those, bound as they are as lifeless automatons to whatever policies are in place, no matter how nonsensical they may be in a given situation.

It would be an insult to mentally challenged individuals to call the rule "retarded" in any case. Guys, if there are illegal drugs involved, let the police handle it. Basically their "zero tolerance" policy means you can't have ANY substances in school, not even advil or something, not even prescription drugs (I'm hoping they have some kind of system in place so students can take medications on doctor's orders or something).

This girl is an honor student and varsity athlete, and you just blemished her record because a teacher (whom I must assume was a sniveling rodent of some kind) saw her popping a birth control pill at lunch (or something), not to mention putting her private life out for all to see. Granted, it's the girl's fault for doing it and getting caught, but that doesn't change the fact that the rule was invented by a collection of schizophrenic monkeys no doubt on powerful drugs themselves.

Quote
School officials say they can't take chances. They are concerned about liability and safety. Any pills, even nonprescription pills, could be shared with another student who has allergies.

This is ridiculous. I wonder if they have some kind of equally ludicrous law against bringing peanuts to school. (I'll bet they do, they tried pulling that at my school).

Quote
And it would be difficult to enforce rules if students were allowed to take some pills but not others.
Please. It's called "don't let them have illegal drugs" and "let them have legal ones". Don't know what kind of pill that is? Okay, while awhile and see if they get high, there's you answer.  ::)

So what do you guys think? I've just about had it, hearing about all this silliness. You guys have any "school board idiocy" of your own to add?


19
A thought occurred to me the other day. You already knew this, but obviously this is a touchy subject, even more so than religion, I think.

When someone commits suicide, they are often criticized for "taking the easy way out" and being a "coward".

However, when someone sacrifices themselves for a cause or to save another, this person is lauded as a "hero", having made a "difficult decision" to give up their life, and are seen as being "brave" for facing their death.

Both of these people overcome their aversion to death and either kill themselves or allow themselves to be killed (granted, for very different reasons). Why do we view them so differently?


Why can we not respect the suicide for making a choice to move on past the existence they are satisfied with, take matters into their own hands, and do something about it, when many people in this world do nothing but complain about their lives? Are they no less brave for putting aside whatever fears of death they may have and plunging into the unknown?

Why don't we put the same questions to the martyr? Why would they want to die? Why not save themselves? Are they too afraid to live in this world that they need to "die for the cause"? Too afraid to live with the survivor's guilt?

Is their any reason besides sentimentality?

20
Free Talk / Dildo
« on: July 10, 2009, 08:30:30 am »
Newfoundland.

It's real! It's located on Dildo island.


In Florida there's also Dildo Key which has Dildo cacti!


It's kind of like Fucking, Austria!
Or Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

21
Pop Culture / Fantasy movies
« on: June 25, 2009, 11:17:53 pm »
There have been a lot of fantasy movies based on huge book series (Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Narnia, Eragon), but lately it seems there haven't been a lot of fantasy movies out there. Defined as "stuff with magic" in it.

It seems the fantasy genre is especially niche, hence why they don't do well apart from huge blockbuster franchises like LotR and Harry Potter. Lots of fantasy films from like the 80s seem to be cult classics, for the most part.

And for the most part, they seem pretty cliche.

I can't think of many others. I mean, there've been a few, but they were mostly bland.

I'd really appreciate a modern, non-cliche, original fantasy film (or at least one based a modern, non-cliche and more obscure book).



Actually, Stardust. I really liked Stardust. I read the book, too, before they made the movie.
The world needs more fantasy movies like Stardust.

22
Free Talk / Ladies
« on: June 16, 2009, 02:10:02 pm »
Are you familiar with AXETM  Dark Tempation?

Is it really as irresistible as chocolate?

Or do I need to massacre everyone involved in the making and conception of that commercial?

23
Artist's Den / The Art of CDSM
« on: June 10, 2009, 01:31:48 pm »
I've gotten back into drawing, so here is my art thread.
Some of this stuff I might have had on the old forum, I can't remember.

Frog


FEARSOME CUBIC WARRIOR


Ninja Pirate Chick

Animation experiment. link I haven't attempted any since.

And finally, my really horrible use of tablet:


As soon as it became apparent that I suck at photoshop, I just rushed through and got it over with.

24
The Debate Room / The Big Bad Religion Thread
« on: May 09, 2009, 11:31:02 pm »
I'm starting this because I like discussing a religion, but it's so hard to find good people to talk about it with. I decided to start this here because out of all the places on the internet that I frequent, I respect all of your views the most (even the ones I disagree with). So some reason you all seem...less rabid, and more open-minded than most. (I suppose you wouldn't be fans of a sexually charged lesbian comic if you weren't). I'm rather sick of going to religious forums to talk about these things.  Usually on those sites, when you ask to many hard questions you get labeled as a troll because you don't convert when faced with their non-answers.

I don't know all what you believe...hopefully you are all diverse enough to make this kind of discussion helpful. I'd even appreciate it if we could go into some more theoretical realms...i.e. arguing from points we don't even believe, simply for the sake of discussion, and to see how we might respond to different questions.

Things in here might get a little...indirectly hostile, so to speak. I don't intend to attack any belief system, but I do want to challenge them, ask question, and demand fully thought-out answers. I'd ask we try to avoid parroting and assumptions. If you don't want to have an open-minded discussion or challenge our beliefs, then I'd ask you stay out. (I can't force you, I just ask you to respect the spirit of the discussion).




So I'll start with the basic question: What do you believe, and why?

I was Christian (Baptist) for a good 19 years of my life and I believed it. Eventually, I started getting sick of some of the nonsensical aspects of the religion, and grew tired of being demanded to have blind faith in a Judeo-Christian concept of religion. I no longer believe that "God" must be a Judeo-Christian God, and I don't believe that just because a God exists, or even that some people communicate with him, necessarily means that the Bible is "true". I can't really call myself atheist or agnostic, but I can't ascribe to any religion either. I'm open-minded to anything, especially beliefs that aren't based off the same old assumptions.

So, how about the rest of you?

25
Pop Culture / Covers
« on: May 05, 2009, 04:24:30 pm »
What are your opinions on them? Do you like the idea of them? Do all covers suck? Are even the passable ones all ultimately inferior to the originals? Have you ever heard a cover that you think surpassed the original?

Discuss here the best and worst covers you've heard.
I believe that covers should keep the original feel of the song, while perhaps adding a new perspective. (for instance, I like the metal versions of Imperial March, since the heavier instrumentation adds a more brutal feel, but also fits the piece itself).

I'm going to specifically talk about a few Disney song covers:
Basically ALL of them suck. It's sickening. But my pick for worst is "Poor Unfortunate Souls" by Jonas Brothers. I mean, seriously, what were they thinking? I HATE it when people say they actually prefer those pop versions! Christ, what is it with kids these days? There's more out there than pop, peeps. Jazz? Yeah, forget it.

Another one is "I wanna be like you". While I'm not partial to Smash Mouth version, it's aeons better than the Jonas one because they actually kept in the scatting.

So, what's your take?

26
Pop Culture / Shows starring Real People as Themselves
« on: May 02, 2009, 05:05:01 pm »
As I type, Jonas (!) is premiering on the Disney channel. Starring the Jonas brothers. As the Jonas brothers.

Somehow I feel as far as "tv show based on a band as fictionalized versions of themselves" goes, "Flight of the Conchords" did pretty well.

I'm not actually sure what my point in typing this is.


27
The Debate Room / Sex Offenders
« on: April 21, 2009, 07:21:55 pm »
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/04/07/sexting.busts/

While the kid's obviously a douchebag, and I laughed my head off at the sweet and delicious comeuppance, I'm not sure ruining the kid's life like that is entirely warranted. I mean, he deserved something happening to him, but when you got the law coming down like this, there's people who suffer for lesser crimes...or even complete innocence. I've heard other stories where an 18 year old had sex with a 17 year old and ended up ruining his entire life because he's a sex offender now.

So what do you think? Do you think some of these minor offenses warrant the same place as pedophile rapists? I mean...it kind of distracts from people that will actually do serious crimes.

28
I'll start of asking myself questions, as before!

Are you a virgin?
Yes.

Are you a Virginian?
No!

What do you identify yourself as?
I try to avoid identifying as anything if I can.

Now, it is your turn!

29
Free Talk / Awesomism: The Religion
« on: March 20, 2009, 11:58:55 pm »
So, I've been questioning my religious leanings, but can't find a religion that suits my tastes.
I figure that the best solution is thus: create my own.

So far I have this:

In the beginning Awesome God had a really cool idea. The idea was thus: create an awesome world filled with awesome things like bears, volcanoes, calzones, and heavy metal.

However, Awesome God knew that it wouldn't work. For he would have to create free-willed beings to enjoy this awesome world, and he knew they wouldn't be able to appreciate the awesome. So instead of created Awesome Universe he created this universe, which is filled with lame things like disease, sexual frustration, and the laws of physics. This is all to get people to see how lame things could be, and thus prepare their hearts for the greatness to come in the next life.

If you're cool enough (and righteous enough), you get to go to Awesome Heaven when you die. If you aren't righteous, you instead go to Awesome Hell, which isn't that bad of a place either. Awesome Heaven and Awesome Hell have totally epic battles together with giant robots and ninjas and level 20 fireballs and everything.

For those really nice people who tried their best to be good, but weren't awesome or anything get to go to Boring Heaven, which is a nice fluffy-cloud-and-green-field type of place, and is really cool to chill out, but isn't like having excitement or parties or anything.

If you're just a douchebag you go to Awful Hell, which consists of various eternal tortures, as usual for hell.

Then there's Limbo, which is for people who just don't care about the battle between Good and Evil and just want to chill out, have a drink or two, and play video games.

The good news is if you go to any of these places after you die, it's not set in stone! Yes, even a lowly jerk in Awful Hell can learn to be really cool and totally righteous and work his way to Awesome Heaven!


So, do you think I could get converts? I'm thinking of making some pamphlets to pass out.

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