The Flipside Forum

Maytag's Playhouse => Free Talk => Topic started by: UmberIsSexy on May 12, 2009, 02:11:17 pm

Title: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 12, 2009, 02:11:17 pm
welcome one, welcome all to get your head checked.

Want to talk about your neuroses or whatevs?  Something that happened to you as a child?  Random personal weirdness that you just feel safer talking about with Flipsiders than Real people?

This is the place.  Pozf will kick us off, assuming that I can get the relevant posts to move over here somehow.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 12, 2009, 02:16:44 pm
Can we make out on this sofa?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 12, 2009, 02:21:47 pm
I don't think they will move, so I'll quote the posts:

Well my I general mental stability is generally in check. I HAVE had a lapses in my stability. The last one was all a blur but,  I was in the junkyard shooting the BB gun at some cans one minute, the next minute I was smashing shit with the butt of the gun. Junk cars I think.

That being said if I have one while I'm near someone who is tied up? I somehow doubt that person will be alive. (Most likely dismembered some how) Now depending how this tied up situation occurred it might trigger a break (things that I'm not going to say). The chances are extremely minuscule that this would happen. But I'd rather NOT want to risk something like that happening.



Edit: what... to much?

Not continue to beat down this thread in an off topic ... Rant? Personal exploration? ... But it's really not as simple as that. Like I've said in the past, trust is a problem. Now lets say I find someone I can trust to the extent I can. I'm freaking afraid I Will harm them period. I have self control, but just this back of mind fear...

Yea I'm gonna stop now before I explode crazy goo all over the place.

Sorry guys.

Ninja edits

Irony?? I miss it.

crazy goo is Awesome!

Hey Pozf,

Are you one of the dudes with low sex drive?  Cuz I'm just gonna go ahead and say that if you could vent that insane shit (even you yourself used the words "explode" and "goo") you'd probably have the libido of...someone who has epic libido.

I don't want to psychoanalyze you, but it sounds like you've got a lid on it, and if you pop off the lid, all kinds of other shit (lots of it Very Good) would come rushing out as well.


I don't mind the psychoanalysis, it's nice to hear other opinions.

As for the low sex drive, yea I probably do have a low sex drive, I never really think about it, albeit I do watch a fair amount of porn. It's possibly I have an epic sex drive... that... felt weird to type...

well it's my opinion that everyone does if all their channels are flowing smoothly, and I've seen a lot of people become totally different people, or rather become themselves, just by blasting out some suppressed stuff.

but yeah I thought I remembered you talking about watching porn without...well without ...  well ahem anyway...y'know, and that seemed pretty foreign to me.

But anyway!!!

Can we make out on this sofa?
oh hells furking yes. ;D
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 12, 2009, 02:27:21 pm
So I don't know if we have any more to say to Pozf, but if we do he doesn't mind.

I don't mind really

see?

But anyway, I figure eventually someone will wander in here with something they want to talk about.

so, Welcome!

or we could just talk about sex ::)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 12, 2009, 02:34:45 pm
I don't exactly have any more great advice for Pozf or problems of my own to bring.... but I'll rub your back while you tell me all your problems. ;P

./pats the couch
(http://akashayi.net/random/dottoe/10115e74.gif)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 12, 2009, 02:49:44 pm
thats a chair!

or we could just talk about sex ::)

And we already have a thread about that >.>;
Although if you are feeling Freudian everything boils down to aggression and sex.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 12, 2009, 02:51:36 pm
It's totally a sofa >.>

But eh, I dislike Freudian theory.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 12, 2009, 02:53:44 pm
Technically it's love seat >.>;

You may not like Freud's theories, but a good amount of them are pretty much spot on according to today's neuroscience. Then again that could all be proven wrong by next year, because that's what neuroscience does... it changes its mind a lot.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 12, 2009, 02:56:31 pm
I sometimes with murder was an acceptable hobby in this day in age. Everyone around me says "Procreate!" but my heart tells me "Decimate!"

God, oh, God WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!?!?!?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 12, 2009, 02:57:20 pm
A standard Brion or metric?

Right behind ya there C.D.S.M.

*Note to self: combine chocolate and kissing*
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 12, 2009, 03:00:25 pm
You could use the way that Freud thinks and turn it into everything we do being a drive for food.

...as far as I'm concerned, it's more legitimate anyway.  Chocolate gives you more good-feeling-chemicals than kissing your significant other.  ...Actually, to be honest, sometimes I wonder about that one.  They did tests, that's what they got, I wasn't there to argue, but... like... Eh, whatever, food is important.
Speaking of, I'm going to go eat.  I just used a Brion amount of ellipses, it's apparent that I need to refuel.

Yeah, but kissing your significant other won't make you fat!


Well, if you go further it might.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 12, 2009, 03:02:26 pm
theobromine is by far one of my favorite chemicals :P
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 12, 2009, 03:26:43 pm
Just use the fool proof pickup line "does this rag smell like chloroform to you" (http://www.codeterminate.com/modules/Forums/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif)

But seriously, if your spending time with him, it's a great step to trying to tell him. Just try NOT thinking about how you like him and ,hopefully, the awkwardness should subside (assuming the awkwardness is because you like him). Making things much easier, later on.

What I do suggest you do before you go tell him, get as calm as possible. Do whatever mind numbing thing makes your mind numb, without lobotomizing yourself of course. And then when you see him, approach as if nothing is different. Just wait for an opportunity where you two are alone, after class etc, and blurt.

Not thinking about it is really the key here. The more you think about it the harder it will get.

Edit: modified
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 12, 2009, 03:31:03 pm
Hehehe.... sounds like everything will work out fine, Deatzh. You already play trombone together, kidnapping is the next logical step. :D
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 12, 2009, 04:18:15 pm
Yes I do, all the time, more lately so than usual, but not for that reason.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 12, 2009, 04:38:07 pm
Good ninja Pozf. :P

This may come as a surprise to the forumites, but I do the same thing to some degree. I'm really introverted and need my quiet time, so I ninja at times, too. I'm actually a really hard person to get a hold of.

But of course, I still have all my friends and fun, too. :P
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 12, 2009, 05:00:20 pm
Deatzh: Ask him if he'll let you touch his boner. If he says "Sure!", that means he wants you. If he says "Whu?" clarify and say you meant his "instrument". His musical one, I mean. I mean, the big long one that he pulls on. I mean, the one that is made of brass. His trombone.

Keaoden: I get that ALL the time. Especially from my own friends.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 12, 2009, 05:00:33 pm
@KS/Pozf: *meh* People are generally selfish, self-gratifying and often need something to make themselves feel important.  So all your positive achievements are often ignored because they make other's feel less significant in your presence, while your mistakes are pounced upon because they make others feel better about their own abilities.  Sort of like staring at a skinny person and quietly feeling fat, then staring at a fat person and making a deal about it to others, all the while making yourself feel skinny and others believe the same by comparing you to this other person.

@Deatzh: I was always awkward around girls unless I was dating and its been funny to note that I've had far more women 'interested' in me as friends, or try to pick me up, since I've been married.  I think this is because I'm not shy around them and I'm not trying to pick them up, I'm just acting like myself and enjoying their company.

Thats probably the most important thing you can do, is concentrate on the relationship as a friendship, rather than an attempt to pick up the other person or show that you like them.  If you can grow your friendship then it can become a relationship later on when you know the guy better and it doesn't feel like such a big leap.  Its also good in the sense, that you can pretty easily discover if the person is interested in you, as they'll be happy to hang out with your if they are and either make excuses to avoid you or put no extra effort in if they're not interested.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 12, 2009, 06:24:48 pm
Probably shoulda clarified but I only meant the first part of Keaoden's statement. Don't really care what anybody thinks about me because I most likely dislike them anyway.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 13, 2009, 12:16:49 am
Is that you John Wayne? Is this Me? why do I see a big white fluffy Bunny wearing 1940's R.A.F flying gear with a large bushy moustache and no one else does? (oh by the way he is called Harvey and talks with a real posh English accent)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on May 13, 2009, 10:23:04 am
Wow, I'd pour my brains out in this thread, but I feel shy now that everyone knows what I look like. Odd, right?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 13, 2009, 10:28:01 am
Wow, I'd pour my brains out in this thread, but I feel shy now that everyone knows what I look like. Odd, right?

You could always lie and claim you're actually a man who posted pics of a pretty girl to get attention... :'(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on May 13, 2009, 10:35:27 am
There's nothing to be shy of Razzly, not with us who care about you! (for more than just your overwhelming cuteness)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 13, 2009, 10:41:46 am
Wow, I'd pour my brains out in this thread, but I feel shy now that everyone knows what I look like. Odd, right?

I could probably fuel this thread my problems until you're comfortable?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: RoninAngel on May 13, 2009, 11:33:44 am
I need money for shcool!  :(

Any advice would be apreciated!  :(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 13, 2009, 11:40:09 am
Financial aid, Grants, Scholarships, uhm and  good ol' fashion job :P

You can usually find information on the first 3 in .. well the information office on your campus. And I don't know if all schools do this but they have something called work study here. Where you do a job at the school, and they make the hours around your schedule, so they aren't any conflicts. I don't think the pay is too amazing though.

Not sure what other advice I can give you... other than kidnapping, and robbery (http://www.codeterminate.com/modules/Forums/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on May 13, 2009, 11:44:48 am
could always go the traditional route and work the streets, I bet Akasha would be a suitable pimp for you Ronin ;)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 13, 2009, 12:02:09 pm
I need money for shcool!  :(

Any advice would be apreciated!  :(
That's no mental problem!  *boots Ronin in the ass*

just felt like you needed a boot in the ass, actually, sorry.

Pozf: the chloroform thing made me lol.

Deatzh: yeah, what they said, more or less.  Think less if possible, and be your normal self.  If you have happy nervous feelings, he might be reciprocating.  If you have awkward feelings, he may not.  (says the guy who believes that interpersonal energy is something we can sense)  Either way, there are a myriad of variables that can come into play on any given day, so might as well take it slow and see how it goes over time.  On the other hand, when the time is right, (if it ever is) hopefully you'll know it and jump in with both feet.  Either way, thinking too much and acting like a dork as a result isn't going to help.  If you can act natural and just be, it should make it that much easier to read the situation anyway, since both of you will relax more.

No easy feat I know...or maybe it is, since relaxation is key!

edit: by the way, I have only heard rumors of this being actually possible.  Well no, I've managed it once or twice, only through repeatedly forcing myself to relax, but it is harder for intelligent people I think.

Kaeoden: yep.  Yep I have definitely had that feeling before.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: RoninAngel on May 13, 2009, 12:09:20 pm
Ummm... Yeah it kinda is...

I am in a rut and can't get to the next stage of my life until I go to college.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 13, 2009, 12:22:27 pm
oh...um, yeah that's a really tough one...well is there any way you can swing it with gratuitous loanage?

From what I've heard, it's really tough to put yourself through college, but lots of people do it though...working while going of course is one ingredient.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 13, 2009, 12:33:45 pm
You know Ronin, you have to grind a bit before you can level up.

...

I'll just leave that there.

You could get a job and save up, apply to scholarships...take your first year or so at a community college on the cheap then transfer. That sort of thing.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 13, 2009, 12:36:41 pm
Don't just jump into it. Make sure you know what you wanna do, mainly because you just end up coasting in classes you probably don't want to be in.
Example: I love psychology, yet I decided to go for a bio major, I hate science classes, but love the subject. Make sure you love what your going for man. Otherwise it's gonna be a fucking miserable experience.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 13, 2009, 12:38:56 pm
You know Ronin, you have to grind a bit before you can level up.
probably the best answer so far...
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on May 13, 2009, 01:03:16 pm
Pozf: Yes, please do so.

Ronin: Hmm... Sorry, I dunno. >_>; We don't have this problem in Finland.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 13, 2009, 01:20:22 pm
w00t, finland?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on May 13, 2009, 02:34:17 pm
Yes, Akasha. I'm a finn.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 13, 2009, 02:36:08 pm
The end of the world is a cute panda~!

./cough

but that was supposed to be more like:
w00t, finland!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on May 13, 2009, 02:45:11 pm
I didn't understand that joke. D: Now you have to explain it!  ;D

Yay!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 13, 2009, 04:27:31 pm
Yes, Akasha. I'm a finn.

finn -> fin -> end -> end of the world

<.<;;
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 13, 2009, 04:28:46 pm
Boooo Hisss Boooo
 *Uses a tomato launcher to launch lots of tomatos at high speeds at you*
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 13, 2009, 04:35:38 pm
psh. It wasn't something I was hoping to stretch out and explain >.<
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 13, 2009, 04:41:42 pm
@Razzly: I think "Fine" is French for "The End" so with you being a Finn, and having a panda for an avatar = The end of the world is a cute Panda.
(yes I know it uses a special 'e' or some such crap)

@Ronin: in 2000, at the age of 19, I was working for a lawn mowing group for about $60 a day (on the days there was work for me) and attending full time University.  Later that year I was a pizza delivery driver, then in 2001, after completing a year of my Uni, I got a part-time job as an IT techy (sort of help desk role back then) in a meat works.  I kept doing full-time Uni until I finally got a full-time Job in the Help Desk for a systems and software company in 2002 and switched my Uni to Part time.  I completed my uni in 2004 (graduation in 2005) and by 2006 I was earning over $70k Aus.

I have other friends who have started out as call operators for credit companies, cleaners, burger flippers, checkout grubs and more, but they've all since gone on to much bigger jobs.  I have one friend who's never had his first job and he's stuck, still trying to finish his Uni and still picturing himself in jobs that you simply can't walk into with nothing.  I have another friend who slammed his Uni, graduated with Honours, got a job as a casual clerk in a financial firm and in less than a year, became a financial advisor and accountant with only one test left until he completes his CPA (often considered the hardest certification in the world).

Best advice I can give you, is either get a crummy job with government or some mob and enjoy a more relaxed life or go hell for leather, get a crummy job, slam into your Uni and pour 80 hours a week into those two areas for at least the next 3 years of your life.  You'll get one rejection after another for the jobs before you get one but once you have it, even if you're fired, it'll be that much easier to get the next crummy job until you're working the crummy jobs in your desired field and then its one rung of the ladder after another.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 13, 2009, 09:49:41 pm
Keaoden: I get that ALL the time. Especially from my own friends.
I didn't want to acknowledge it at first, but this actually was funny.

charles: wow that sounds like hell on earth.  I know it gets better after time, but I probably wouldn't be able to make it.  Not without large amounts of drug use.  But then I am an extremely lazy person, or at least I physically and mentally revolt against doing things that I don't want to do.  I have a lot of willpower so I can manage to sort of function at levels that are acceptable to an employer, but that's about it.  But I guess the important thing is Ronin's attack plan and whether he can handle it...(and/or even wants to handle it)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 13, 2009, 10:13:26 pm
Keaoden: I get that ALL the time. Especially from my own friends.
I didn't want to acknowledge it at first, but this actually was funny.

Well, if I may wax emo for a moment, it's always been a chronic problem. I've always been the outsider in groups, never the one invited along (and often my schedule just *happens* to interfere with those kind of things anyway...sigh) despite me being the most dedicated friend to any of them.

So, yeah. I need to find people that actually return the favor.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 13, 2009, 10:30:25 pm
I always found friends overrated.

But I do know how you feel C.D.S.M. I was also the outsider everywhere.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 13, 2009, 10:30:59 pm
oh so wait you were serious?

I just assumed it was because irl you act like you do here, which seems to involve intentionally evoking animosity.

so I thought that was a joke, forgive me :D
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 13, 2009, 10:36:50 pm
oh so wait you were serious?

I just assumed it was because irl you act like you do here, which seems to involve intentionally evoking animosity.

so I thought that was a joke, forgive me :D

Well, just because it was a joke doesn't mean it's not true. I tend to exaggerate myself to comedic levels to make myself more appealing.

Mildly negative pessimist = disliked.

Impossibly negative pessimist = endearing.

Everyone wears masks. Mine happens to be a Grumpy Bear mask. :P
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 13, 2009, 10:42:32 pm
Mildly negative pessimist = disliked.

Impossibly negative pessimist = endearing.
Yeah so I'm tempted to call you out on that one.  I guess since this is the shrink's sofa it's ok?

Mildly negative pessimist = doesn't get attention

Impossibly negative pessimist = gets attention

it's true though!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 13, 2009, 10:49:04 pm
That theory holds true for Most emotions that can be conveyed.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 13, 2009, 10:52:34 pm
Mildly negative pessimist = disliked.

Impossibly negative pessimist = endearing.
Yeah so I'm tempted to call you out on that one.  I guess since this is the shrink's sofa it's ok?

Mildly negative pessimist = doesn't get attention

Impossibly negative pessimist = gets attention

it's true though!

There's no such thing as negative attention! Hence "endearing".
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 13, 2009, 10:54:55 pm
Oh you would think that now wouldn't you. Talk to any registered sex offender.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 13, 2009, 10:56:18 pm
That theory holds true for Most emotions that can be conveyed.
I'm sorry I don't get what you're saying exactly.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 13, 2009, 10:57:48 pm
Well anytime that shows some type of emotion in a mild form it Usually gets blown off. But if you show a much higher level of that emotion (even without making a scene), people empathize to a greater extent.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 13, 2009, 11:07:06 pm
Oh you would think that now wouldn't you. Talk to any registered sex offender.

Yeah, but they don't know how to wield that attention. See, if you're going to rape children, do it in public and then proclaim yourself a Demon Incarnate!

Also, do it in a whacky cosplay to see if you can get a completely fallacious association with anime fans and thus ruin their reputation. Even worse than it already is, I mean.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 13, 2009, 11:09:58 pm
"The squeaky wheel gets the oil"

Certainly true, the louder and more often you shout, the more attention you get as opposed to the quieter groups.  Look at the War in Iraq.  Massive protests against the action and media attention all pointing at it being wrong, but poll after poll showed the more quiet majority supported it (not trying to start an argument on the war here, just using it as an example).

Individuals and minorities around the world and across time have generally sought to shout louder than the majority to get more attention to themselves or their cause and drown out any opposition.

The reality is that rather than complain about such people, you need to follow their example and stand up or speak up for yourself.  But you also need to know how to emphasize and when to do so as shouting all the time or in the wrong way will simply numb people to your cause and you end up as the boy who cried wolf, unable to get the help when you need it more than ever.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 13, 2009, 11:10:31 pm
But would that really be worse than say.... Man Faye?

I still have pictures of my ex getting spanked by Man Faye around here somewhere. ./shudder
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 13, 2009, 11:12:55 pm
In my universe the proverb goes "Squeaky wheel gets the KICK!"

Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on May 14, 2009, 02:28:28 am
.... : D ...Akasha, that was BAD.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Malki on May 14, 2009, 03:42:05 am
I have until June 4th to get a haircut. And I haven't had a haircut in almost 5 years.
I don't know if it qualifies as a mental problem, but it's still a problem. And I could probably use some mental support.
I kinda feel like I'm going to be a different person. I'll definately look different. But I don't want to feel different.
Also I have all those little habbits that involve my hair (using it as something convenient to keep my hand busy when I'm nervous) and after it's gone I'll go crazy without those habbits..... :(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on May 14, 2009, 03:59:51 am
Malki: Well... Don't get a haircut? Just trim the ends?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Malki on May 14, 2009, 04:09:46 am
I have to. I'm joining the military on June 4th.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 14, 2009, 04:26:29 am
You could always cut it little by little until that date.

I dunno how smart an Idea that is, but it sounds good to my no sleep in 24 h brain.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 14, 2009, 08:15:56 am
@Malki: I went from a full face beard and hair past my arm pits to a clean-shaven buzzcut... Just 'cos I was chaning jobs, not the military.  Can you imagine my expression when the guy interviewing me turned out to have an eybrow and nose ring, multiple earings and a blond streak through the middle of his spiked, gell hair? *PMSL*

Well, at least the Mrs through I looked hotter and her libido went up.

The only thing that caught me for a little while was that my neck could get sun burnt really easily, but eventually it conditioned it's self again.  As for fidgeting hands... Well now I find myself pulling at the hairs on my eyebrows *shrug*.  All I can tell you is that it'll feel like a significant turn in your life but ultimately you'll soon find yourself liking it.

Good Luck for the Military. We're rooting for you.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Malki on May 14, 2009, 09:28:00 am
Heh Thanks.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 14, 2009, 09:35:50 am
Im the opposite Malki I dont feel right when my hair grows to long. and good luck for your Military service Chief.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Foof on May 14, 2009, 12:37:01 pm
Sometimes, I really just want to hit somebody.  We all have those, yeah...but I'm starting to think I actually need to hit someone.  Is there anything that can help stifle my punch list that isn't alive or a pillow?  Pillow's aren't that fulfilling to hit.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 14, 2009, 12:45:27 pm
Sometimes, I really just want to hit somebody.  We all have those, yeah...but I'm starting to think I actually need to hit someone.  Is there anything that can help stifle my punch list that isn't alive or a pillow?  Pillow's aren't that fulfilling to hit.

Boxing Bag?

I wonder if they make boxing bags to look like people. Kind of like sex dolls, only...punching dolls.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 14, 2009, 12:48:12 pm
They do, actually. Since punching a human shaped object is a completely different feeling/takes better technique than punching a bag.

We had a person shaped punching bag at our dojo ^^:
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 14, 2009, 01:13:03 pm
I've seen those and I want one.

I want a heavy bag too though.  Just something to build up strength.  Are the person things any good for building up strength?  Also, can they be set to different heights?  (I'd imagine they make some that can anyway)

If only I had some sort of tool at my fingertips that would let me search and gather information on available merchandise from several different sellers...damn!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on May 14, 2009, 01:37:04 pm
I use FPS games when I need to release pent up agression. Then I go to the 25m range to relax my mind and meditate while shooting a couple of precision series.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 14, 2009, 01:44:33 pm
Sometimes, I really just want to hit somebody.  We all have those, yeah...but I'm starting to think I actually need to hit someone.  Is there anything that can help stifle my punch list that isn't alive or a pillow?  Pillow's aren't that fulfilling to hit.
Hitting people can be pretty satisfying and safe also in the right environment, and it has other psychological benefits.  Yeah imo it's important to get that shit out on a regular basis.  But maybe FPS's can get it done for some.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 14, 2009, 01:47:28 pm
Yeah, the one I've seen has adjustable heights. So even us short people can slam on them. XD

Not exactly what you want for strength training though. Get a pullup bar for your doorway? Do pushups? Lift weights?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 14, 2009, 01:58:04 pm
I do pushups.  But I was thinking along the lines of being able to hit things harder, and without breaking a wrist or medicarpal or anything.  Not general strength.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 14, 2009, 02:06:38 pm
Ah, right. Getting the proper technique down really adds a lot to your ability to hit things hard. And of course, you'd want to make sure you're punching correctly before you slam on a hard bag. Wrists are delicate things :P

The muscles that you work out with exercise are still the same muscles you use to hit things with, too. So pushups and the like will also increase your ability to hit.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 14, 2009, 02:13:36 pm
Ah, right. Getting the proper technique down really adds a lot to your ability to hit things hard. And of course, you'd want to make sure you're punching correctly before you slam on a hard bag. Wrists are delicate things :P

The muscles that you work out with exercise are still the same muscles you use to hit things with, too. So pushups and the like will also increase your ability to hit.
yeah I've been taught the basics of proper technique, but since I haven't practiced it repeatedly I don't feel too good about it.  And I've heard you have to start easy on a heavy bag at first.  (in my karate class there was very little bag stuff and no pads - there was supposed to be but everybody was a black or brown belt except me, so they never felt like doing it and they didn't really care.)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 14, 2009, 02:25:29 pm
btw I've been taking your method and keeping the forum open in a tab, and using the "show unread posts" link (which I'm sure everyone's been using since the beginning of time).  How pleasant!  I'm out of here right now though.  g'night! (maybe...)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 14, 2009, 02:59:57 pm
Where ever you end up sitting good luck with your concert and with your hot 'bonist :D
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 14, 2009, 03:07:31 pm
Twice now I've read "btw" as "by the win".

...fail.

By the win...that phrase must be used more, as an oath.

"By the win, I swear I shall protect you!"
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 14, 2009, 05:35:13 pm
Probably a little late, but I would say the corner. Mainly because I've played next to the worst player in the band, it always fucks me up. Just my experience though.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 14, 2009, 06:09:55 pm
And as I was saying Umber, wrists are delicate things. You can really add a lot more punch if you do it properly. There's a lot to a front two knuckle punch!

And further, in kempo there are something like 140 unique ways to hit somebody. :D
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 14, 2009, 06:18:23 pm
@Deatzh: Recommendation from me is to go for the middle.  I always believe in socializing as long as its not with a really bad crowd.  The bad player will be there for the same reason, so socialize with better players, such as the guy on the other side of you and yourself.

@CDSM/Deatzh: "FOR GREAT JUSTICE!"

@Foof: I don't know why but I'm never one for taking out aggression with a simulation of punching people.  I know all the arguments AGAINST video games and the like, inspiring violence but I just wouldn't want to build a reaction into my body to hit human shaped objects when I'm stressed or angry.  So my recommendation is shooting, paint ball, go-karting or a sport to get it out of you physically.  Otherwise you could try pouring it into some artistic area such as drawing, sewing or cooking, etc.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 15, 2009, 12:26:29 am
Right now i have a lot of pent up anger and aggression so will be doing some primal screaming  any one want to join me?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 15, 2009, 12:29:51 am
I've never actually screamed, Odd.

But I can help you find fun ways to let it out :D
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 15, 2009, 12:34:10 am
Well this is me getting ready for the weekend.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 15, 2009, 12:37:15 am
ack, posts got mixed up.

What's going on this weekend?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 15, 2009, 12:38:46 am
off BDSMing have not done it for awhile so  trying to get rid of this pent up anger,aggression and frustration to get into the right frame of mind.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 15, 2009, 12:42:59 am
Right now i have a lot of pent up anger and aggression so will be doing some primal screaming  any one want to join me?

You got a soundproof room I can use?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 15, 2009, 12:44:05 am
'friad not Pozf was more thinking along of the lines of going out into the hills
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 15, 2009, 12:44:36 am
Ah no hills around here.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 15, 2009, 12:45:22 am
ah so no go then..... :(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 15, 2009, 12:46:34 am
Nah, would if I could though, probably help a lot right now.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 15, 2009, 12:46:41 am
Sounds like fun Odd.

You could try shooting your own team members in Halo, too.
like this!: www.thewebsiteisdown.com/ (http://www.thewebsiteisdown.com/)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 15, 2009, 12:51:00 am
HMMM jsut reminded me akashayi  can play Company Of Heroes and deliver airstrikes and straffing runs on unsuspecting enemies  ;D ;D ;D  that will help lol
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on May 15, 2009, 01:02:09 am
Glad to be of service :)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Foof on May 15, 2009, 07:24:56 am
Yeah, the one I've seen has adjustable heights. So even us short people can slam on them. XD

Not exactly what you want for strength training though. Get a pullup bar for your doorway? Do pushups? Lift weights?
Hm...yeah, that sounds like a good idea. :D  I forgot how good it feels to work out when you're pissed.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on May 15, 2009, 07:41:48 am
primal scream also very good *nods*.  I'm for whatever works, but I think this physical release is key to a peaceful and masterful existence (ie. those feelings don't hold you back).

I remember sometimes during practice sessions with my old..."practice" I guess, you'd really get in touch with your hatred and anger.  Basically three people would hold you tightly (standing up though) and you...practice which just means that you try to let go of your mind and let your body go do whatever it wants to after a prayer to set intention (though a rotating or spinning motion is almost always part of it), but at times, and we did have one group practice where the teacher specifically led us to realize that we hate everyone, most of us just ended up screaming our frcking heads off at the three people holding us (not that it matters who they are, you can pretend they're your mom or whatever).  It's pretty cool, and then when the three feel that the energy has built up to a bursting point, they let go and everybody spins free.  It actually made me really appreciate those three people afterwards.  I mean, it's a subconscious thing, but if you can touch that undercurrent of hatred, of perhaps resentment at the fucking world, and scream it out, then wow!  Feels pretty good and then you can handle that feeling better too in the future cuz you're just like oh it's that thing.  Yeah I know you.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 15, 2009, 07:51:22 am
I remember sometimes during practice sessions with my old..."practice" I guess, you'd really get in touch with your hatred and anger.  Basically three people would hold you tightly (standing up though) and you...practice which just means that you try to let go of your mind and let your body go do whatever it wants to after a prayer to set intention (though a rotating or spinning motion is almost always part of it), but at times, and we did have one group practice where the teacher specifically led us to realize that we hate everyone, most of us just ended up screaming our frcking heads off at the three people holding us (not that it matters who they are, you can pretend they're your mom or whatever).  It's pretty cool, and then when the three feel that the energy has built up to a bursting point, they let go and everybody spins free.  It actually made me really appreciate those three people afterwards.  I mean, it's a subconscious thing, but if you can touch that undercurrent of hatred, of perhaps resentment at the fucking world, and scream it out, then wow!  Feels pretty good and then you can handle that feeling better too in the future cuz you're just like oh it's that thing.  Yeah I know you.

...That sounds like it would work wonders for me... Now why don't psychologists do that kind of shit?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 15, 2009, 02:26:28 pm
I always liked the idea of laughter thereapy.

but if you need a place to scream, just fill a sink or bath full of water, dunk your face under and let rip with the hollering.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 15, 2009, 02:30:09 pm
It's a little weird but I actually feel worse after I finish laughing. During laughing a lot I feel great, but not after.

As to the bath tube thing, I might just go try that.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 15, 2009, 03:17:57 pm
Works well doesn't it?  You feel refreshed after slapping your face in the water to, so double bonus.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 16, 2009, 02:01:26 am
So I've been on the verge of a burnout for the last couple weeks apparently (something my research paper made me notice), so obviously I'm stressed. After a little while of thinking finally come up with taking a vacation as my best choice to get away from it all. So I was all psyched up yesterday, thinking where I should go, what to do, how much should I spend. Then today rolled around and my mom asks when I'm gonna start looking for a job.

Right now I'm stuck in a bit of a mind riot, for once in my life be reckless and just go somewhere for a week or two and put off looking for a job. Or do the same damn thing I always do mope around with the exception of this time going to find a job.

I've been weighing the pros and cons of each side annnd I'm pretty much stuck. If anybody could give me a little advice, on what they think?

... And maybe a good place to spend a week or so  :P


Edit: I'm leaning towards just staying home because I probably don't have the funds for hotel fees on top of everything else. Which Sucks >.<
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Malki on May 16, 2009, 12:28:50 pm
Then gather some close friends and go hiking. Nature is an awesome way to relax, even if it's not as comfortable as a hotel room.
You can either camp outdoors or find some cheap motel for the nights.


I have until June 4th to get a haircut. And I haven't had a haircut in almost 5 years.
I don't know if it qualifies as a mental problem, but it's still a problem. And I could probably use some mental support.
I kinda feel like I'm going to be a different person. I'll definately look different. But I don't want to feel different.
Also I have all those little habbits that involve my hair (using it as something convenient to keep my hand busy when I'm nervous) and after it's gone I'll go crazy without those habbits..... :(

I think I figured out what's bothering me. You know how when people feel really bad about their life, they get a "make-over", change the way they look, so they can get a fresh start.
I don't want a fresh start. I love my life. I don't want people to change how they think of me.
I think part of it has to do with the fact that my close friends won't be joining me. They are studying another year.
Not that I won't have friends, I do know some pretty great people who are going to be with me, but my close friends aren't. Which sucks cuz that's like starting a new life (the first three months I'm going to be studying from 7am-10pm, so I won't have much free time).
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 16, 2009, 12:51:58 pm
As nice as a nature trek would be there are two major flaws:
1. No friends
2. Allergy season is in full swing. I would die out there... not literally of course.

And to your dilemma, I think your problem may be that you're thinking it's a fresh start. Maybe if you started to think more that you're just taking a break from your life, where you'll be able to come back later and pick up where you left off. Even if things have changed in that time.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on May 16, 2009, 01:08:03 pm
[Emo] I miiiiiissss hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim [/emo]

 :'(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 16, 2009, 02:33:41 pm
Is it wrong that whenever I read a post praising the awesomeness of BDSM, I end up reading it as praising the awesomeness of CDSM?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 16, 2009, 06:49:52 pm
@CDSM: yes  :P

@pozf: Sounds like you need some quiet time, away from distractions and crap.  I recommend a simple camp trip with some tents to a campsite near the ocean. Take a lantern and some good books you've been meaning to get through and just enjoy. No internet, no schedule, no telephone (presuming you leave the mobile switched off.  Just you, some sun, surf, sand, tents and books to relax the brain and let it take a rest from overdrive.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 17, 2009, 02:14:37 pm
Well that's good news.

Although that day wait must have been killing you >.>;
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 17, 2009, 03:43:59 pm
@Deatzh: Congratulations *happy dance*
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on May 17, 2009, 04:31:13 pm
Keaoden: <3 <3 Thank you.

Deathz: Well congrats! ^^ <3
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 17, 2009, 10:01:57 pm
Clicky Keaoden (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder)

I was looking through my pysch. textbooks and the wiki page is pretty accurate. And if you really think you have it [obvious] go see a psychologist to make sure[/obvious].
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 17, 2009, 10:47:39 pm
Sociopath tests:
http://www.blogthings.com/areyouasociopathquiz/
http://www.allthetests.com/quiz18/quizpu.php?testid=1140475124
http://www.sociopathic.net/cgi-bin/sfesurvey.cgi?areyousociopathictakethesociopathstest

My results are:
You Are 8% Sociopath: You're empathetic, loyal, and introspective.
75 % pure!
Your score is 64.  You have some sociopathic traits, but you are not sociopathic.

Actually, This whole site (http://www.sociopathic.net/) looks pretty good.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Sidralma on May 18, 2009, 02:21:05 am
One of my old psych professors once said that much of the trouble we have is that we often don't recognize what the feelings are that we crave behind the things we seek. For example, we'll pay $40 for a concert ticket. Later on, when the time for the concert approaches we suddenly realize there's something else we'd really rather do. But the ticket's been paid for so there's this feeling of obligation, like we have to get our money's worth, otherwise we're stupid and we've thrown that money away. What we should realize is that we bought the ticket because of the positive feelings we thought we'd get from attending the show. That's what really matters, not the show. You won't get your money back going to the show, just like you won't get it back if you do something else. So seeing how you're out $40 either way why not do the thing that you think will make you happiest?

I see the vacation problem the same way. It's not the vacation that matters, but rather the positive feelings you think that you'll feel by going on vacation. Think deeply on what it is that you hoped to gain by going on vacation. If you can isolate and articulate your motivation(s) for wanting the vacation you can probably come up with some pretty good alternatives to gain a similar level of satisfaction. You might find upon closer inspection, for instance, that you're really sick of your daily routine. Just shaking that up may go a long ways to boost your mood. Or you may find that the idea appeals to you because you crave a new fun, stimulating challenge. Consider taking up a new hobby, your local library can be an excellent resource on how-to books to get you started. The more you narrower down what it is you really seek the more options open up to you as you realize that odds are that feeling(s) can be achieved in more than one way.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 18, 2009, 04:39:34 pm
I see what you're saying Sidralma but in this case it IS the vacation that matters. What I hoped to gain from the vacation would be time away from all of my family and most of my responsibility. Something that is in fact inescapable while I remain here.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 18, 2009, 05:28:22 pm
Yep. I recommend the camping trip if escape is your aim and budget is your problem.

A few books, no internet connection and the mobile phone switched off can do wonders.

If you have a friend or two who won't remind you of your responsibilities and will encourage you to unwind, then I recommend inviting them along.  Otherwise, just enjoy the serenity and atmosphere with books, puzzels and whatever else you can get your hands on to keep your mind occupied while doing so.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on May 18, 2009, 06:32:47 pm
Isolation never worked for me.

It's always *then* that I remember what I need to be doing but I can't actually do it since I'm so far away.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 18, 2009, 06:59:32 pm
Thats why you need books, etc. To help keep your mind occupied.  If you're just sitting there with nothing but your own thoughts, then yeah, you'll be thinking about all that crap.  You need to get away but still keep yourself occupied with something.

If he had the money to spend, I'd recommend something like a week long bush trek or tour.  I always found tours are good at keeping you occupied to the extent that it can feel a bit hectic.  But with a low budget, camping or a stay in a crappy hotel can work.  If a TV and DVD player are available, then movies can also help to keep your thoughts away from home's duties.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 18, 2009, 07:05:05 pm
I do have money to spend. But (rough estimation) a max of like 1000 USD and that would be pushing it, maybe even a little too far.

Lets say a flight cost 300 USD to somewhere cross country. large chunk of budget, then hotels are not cheap nightly. It would be stupid to spend 1000$ to go cross country and stay in a hotel for a week but not be able to do anything because I'm spending all my money on a hotel and food.

I'm probably just gonna stay home, but I've given myself until Sunday to decide, as I wouldn't be going away before that point either way.

Note: I have done no research as to how expensive flying/ hotels are. I'm going on the high side for overestimation purposes.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Delfina on May 18, 2009, 07:28:47 pm
So uhh.. Whats this thread about? talk about our mental issues?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on May 18, 2009, 07:31:54 pm
Yea that would be it's intention. Or if you just need to talk about something and get feedback, this too is the place for that.


And blargh, looked stuff up, it would pretty much come down to asking somebody I know outside of state to let me stay with them which won't happen for two reasons:
1. I know nobody anywhere.
2. Not the kind of person who would invite himself places

And to the advice of taking a camping trip at the beach or something that wouldn't happen because that's really not my idea of a vacation. I can't survive without my technology  :P
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on May 18, 2009, 09:33:59 pm
Problem is that you're not really getting away while you have your technology.  If you take your laptop or phone somewhere, you'll still be reading e-mails and getting calls from people, etc.  Its the problem with technology is it lets you do a hell of a lot of the things you can do at home and work, anywhere.

*meh* the other option is a train or road trip to a near by beach or country place with a cheap hotel that has internet access.  I'm not sure where you live but surely you don't have to fully fly somewhere to escape the house and nearby family/friends.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on May 19, 2009, 06:11:18 am
Thats why I go off up into the hills alot these days. get away from everyone and from technology, except for my GPS/SatNav. 
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 01, 2009, 12:51:49 pm
I'm super-upset today.

And naturally today is also when I have no one to talk to.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 01, 2009, 01:17:53 pm
Something on your mind?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 01, 2009, 01:24:16 pm
Can't put my finger on anything particular.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 01, 2009, 01:32:12 pm
Don't think I of much help, although I do know that feeling well.

If you think of anything feel free to shoot me a PM, or post it here or w/e and I'll see what I can do for ya.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 01, 2009, 01:50:06 pm
Thank you, that's very nice.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on July 01, 2009, 02:27:13 pm
I'm super-upset today.

And naturally today is also when I have no one to talk to.

Ah, I understand the feeling. And like...later when you *do* have someone to talk to, you don't feel like talking about it?


But, like Pozf, I'm here if you need someone to vent at.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Selan on July 01, 2009, 05:09:09 pm
I wish i could help...
Having a bad state of mind sucks!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on July 01, 2009, 05:23:36 pm
Well I'm feeling better after my cold.

What about your puppy? Can't it just lick all your troubles away?

But yeah, chat here, we'll talk with ya.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on July 01, 2009, 06:41:37 pm
Well I'm feeling better after my cold.

What about your puppy? Can't it just lick all your troubles away?

But yeah, chat here, we'll talk with ya.

I knew heard of a girl whose recipe for feeling better included a dog and some peanut butter.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on July 01, 2009, 07:00:22 pm
@CDSM:  :o I know what you're getting at. Save it for the Sex Thread *PMSL*  :P
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 02, 2009, 12:45:35 am
some times get the feeling im missing/forgetting something important but cant put my finger on what it is.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 02, 2009, 12:54:18 am
Just think about this one for a moment you'll get it...
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 02, 2009, 01:23:05 am
I'll either get a nose bleed or remember what it was
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 02, 2009, 02:09:00 am
Well I'm feeling better after my cold.

What about your puppy? Can't it just lick all your troubles away?

But yeah, chat here, we'll talk with ya.

Glad you're feeling better!
The puppy-charm didn't work as well as I thought it would. ;_;

Thanks to everyone, but I don't think I'd dare spill so many personal beans here. Would like to, but I don't think I can. Ahem.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 02, 2009, 02:31:59 am
Its up to you Razzly no pressure I wont threaten any cute and fuzzy animals this time.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Selan on July 02, 2009, 05:14:58 am
Well like others have offered before... You can always use PM
And concidering you haz my real name! You'll know your save.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on July 02, 2009, 05:24:13 am
Wait! People are using fake names around here?  :o ;)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Selan on July 02, 2009, 06:39:47 am
Yes Peter they do!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 02, 2009, 07:15:39 am
Nah Charles, my parents really named me Razzly. They thought it sounded nice.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 02, 2009, 07:16:03 am
hey dont you know Oddball is my real name since most of my friends call me it...then again there many names they refer me to  :'(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Selan on July 02, 2009, 08:20:01 am
@Razzly: Feeling any better today?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 02, 2009, 08:46:22 am
@Selan: Yes, slightly. Morning was hellish, but I've calmed down now.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Selan on July 02, 2009, 11:28:20 am
Good to hear,
it's annoying if you feel bad and you don't know why.
Mostly because there's no way to get rid of that feeling, i use music to help me.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 02, 2009, 02:12:54 pm
Photosensitivy getting worse?

If I can think of something other than art, I will, but that's all that's coming to mind right now, sorry.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on July 02, 2009, 08:19:32 pm
Exercise, Tai Chi, sunbathe in the back yard, read, practice dance moves, practice musical instruments.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 03, 2009, 02:20:18 pm
Poo...
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 03, 2009, 02:21:56 pm
?  ???

Edit: Im sure everyone has felt like this: right now I want to go out and smash some thing into tiny pieces.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 08, 2009, 02:24:07 pm
Now I'mma rip my uterus out. Seriously.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 08, 2009, 02:25:14 pm
are you all right Razzly?  :(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 08, 2009, 02:26:33 pm
are you all right Razzly?  :(

I'm CRAMPING! Dx

I'm overreacting, really. It's not that bad. Just... Uncomfortable. Aches.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 08, 2009, 02:27:57 pm
Sorry to hear that chieffette  :(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Selan on July 08, 2009, 02:28:32 pm
Hot water bottle, seriously it helps.
Get it really hot and wrap it in a towel or a shirt.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 08, 2009, 02:31:50 pm
haha, Chiefette?

Selan - thank you for the tip. <3 I don't think we own any hot water bottles, but I'll keep it in mind.

Deatzh - electric massager? Never tried that. I'll put it on my list.
...And not use it for unintended use, right.  ;)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Selan on July 08, 2009, 02:32:55 pm
I use the soda bottles i have.
Just any plastic container with a cap will do.

Unintended use ftw!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on July 08, 2009, 03:11:20 pm
If you're going to use something for that....why not get something specifically designed for that?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 08, 2009, 03:42:19 pm
It's called recycleing
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 08, 2009, 03:48:26 pm
It's also called plausible deniability.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on July 08, 2009, 04:13:01 pm
If you're going to use something for that....why not get something specifically designed for that?
Was underage.

Well duh, why do you think teenagers invented shoplifting?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on July 08, 2009, 07:40:58 pm
Those wall plugin ones are great.  Raw, ultimate power.

The girl can get rather annoyed (aggressively so) when battries run out or start running low at an inconvenient moment.  Even if you use the battery powered ones, it's good to have a wall-plug one, plugged in, turned on at the wall and within easy reach as a fast backup or things can get violent.  :'(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 09, 2009, 02:22:24 am
If you're going to use something for that....why not get something specifically designed for that?
Was underage.

I was underage when I got my first vibrator.

I doupt masturbation has any age limit, considering how healthy it is.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on July 09, 2009, 08:13:47 am
Not sure about where you live Razzly but the stores that sell such items often have an age limit for entry... Although I'm not aware if they really enforce it on a girl who just comes in for a vibrator... I'd imagine that such liberal people would probably make an exception and just tell you to stay away from the movie and video section.

Then again, maybe there are stores that don't specialise in the area but sell the products that provide for such needs as an extra on the side among many normal items.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 09, 2009, 08:16:43 am
I'm pretty sure that around here, a minor can not buy a vibrator, just like they couldn't buy a playboy. Don't think they're allowed in the stores either.

Not that I would go into one of those places. That's what the internet is for.

and even if they're is a age limit on masturbation (which would be S T U P I D) there is no way to enforce it. I mean what are they gonna do, watch every minor, then get charged with Child Porn once you do?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on July 09, 2009, 08:41:22 am
For boys, at least, it's never too early to start taking care of your prostate.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 11, 2009, 12:59:22 pm
My vib works as a dildo when it's out of batteries. : D
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: leana on July 14, 2009, 08:53:46 am
I think i should really really go and get the addiction dong/power jelly dong....it's with a cupping-glass...It looks really nice...
Am i off topic now?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 14, 2009, 09:06:39 am
 :'( :'( :'( :'( What was the topoc again?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on July 14, 2009, 01:02:28 pm
The topic is always sex, Odd.  When will you ever understand that? :D

Repeat after me: ALLLL-WAAAYS SEEEE-EEEEX (short "e" there btw)

if you say it fifty times in a row slowly and loudly, you have an orgasm.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 14, 2009, 01:03:48 pm
I'll try to say in between sneeezes
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on July 14, 2009, 05:29:16 pm
That's ok, as long as they're sexy sneezes.

Like cute little japanese girls with super cute, tiny sneezes ^^;
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 15, 2009, 02:54:13 am
These where deffo not sexy tiny sneezes  :(
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 15, 2009, 09:40:18 pm
I realized something recently, my mood depends on whether it's dark out or not. Anybody else notice this about themself?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on July 15, 2009, 10:28:05 pm
Oh man, my mood goes up at least 30 points when the sun is down.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 15, 2009, 10:29:35 pm
No I think that's just the temperature Akasha.  :P

My mood drops down to about -10 in last week or so when it gets dark.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on July 16, 2009, 12:43:53 am
I'm in an office with no windows... Whats daylight?

*meh* maybe that explains why I'm generally in a perpetually good mood.  Or at least a mood to look for some cheeky fun at any given moment.

*shrug* I guess any fights with the Mrs. are probably my low points but my high points are many and frequent.  One of them being every visit to this forum  :-*
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 16, 2009, 01:48:04 am
I realized something recently, my mood depends on whether it's dark out or not. Anybody else notice this about themself?

That's completely natural. :] That's why winter-depression exists.

I just get anxious when it's dark. I have some... Delusions.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on July 16, 2009, 02:51:24 am
the heat doesn't get all that much better when the sun goes down, damn stuffy place.

but winter is my favorite season and I like the night more >.>

I figure you're stuck with your own thoughts more at night, in the quiet. Maybe that has something to do with it?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Razzly on July 16, 2009, 03:21:19 am
Yes, that might be it.
Some people also don't do well with being up when it's dark all the time. It drains your energy, since your body is programmed to sleep at night (when it's dark.) I think it might be about the whole "not-enough-vitamins-from-the-sun-thing" too.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on July 16, 2009, 06:54:59 am
I just get cranky on a really hot day and thats due to my hayfever.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 16, 2009, 08:00:41 am
That's completely natural. :] That's why winter-depression exists.

Never had seasonal depression, I enjoy the dark. But it's possible

I figure you're stuck with your own thoughts more at night, in the quiet. Maybe that has something to do with it?

Maybe, but I'm stuck with my thoughts just as much during the day as I am at night.

Some people also don't do well with being up when it's dark all the time. It drains your energy, since your body is programmed to sleep at night (when it's dark.) I think it might be about the whole "not-enough-vitamins-from-the-sun-thing" too.

Doubt it I've always been a night person, and that's only been standardized by this summer *my normal awake time being ~1400 to 0600*
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on July 20, 2009, 09:50:49 am
Oh man, my mood goes up at least 30 points when the sun is down.
It's handy that you know how many mood points you have at any given time.  It must help when you're choosing which encounters you can handle before resting.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on July 20, 2009, 05:49:33 pm
@Deatzh: I don't know why but I've always found that some exercise seems to actually improve mood as well as body.  For some reason, I think we all just feel really positive after we've done some walking or a few squats, push-ups and sit-ups.

@UIS: I think we need a scale to follow here, some measurement from 0 to 100.  0 is probably getting a call that a relative/friend has died.  100 would have to be in the middle of unstoppable laughter... or a great orgasm  ;D
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on July 20, 2009, 05:52:10 pm
@Deatzh: I don't know why but I've always found that some exercise seems to actually improve mood as well as body.  For some reason, I think we all just feel really positive after we've done some walking or a few squats, push-ups and sit-ups.

Exercise releases endorphins.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Selan on July 22, 2009, 02:19:36 pm
The happy hormone  :-*
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 04, 2010, 06:00:32 pm
Was about to post this in another thread but figured I'd look for one that might be more appropriate and this thread won *lol*

2. Told the Mrs. that I want a divorce
3. Went out and shopped for some Microwave meals.
4. Moved into the spare bedroom.
Why? What happened?

Haven't you been reading the threads? *lol*  End result is we got home from a weekend with my grandparents and she saw that I'd put roach bombs on the dinning room table and coffee table.  She knew I was putting them out before we left but apparently had a severe aversion to me putting them on tables and decided to start a silent treatment and storm about cleaning up and going off at me.  It might seem insignificant alone but it was the final straw in a recent spout that covers me not even getting a single kiss since early December and a 1.5 week long silent treatment she gave me around the same time.

Told her later that we needed to talk and when she settled down and came to me I dropped the bomb.  We actually separated in September 2008 and have been trying to fix it and get closer.  Heck we actually made significant progress from where we started but I think the progress has ground to a halt and I'm just aware of a few differences between our personalities which we're unlikely to overcome and will probably leave us both wanting and ultimately unsatisfied.

She feels loved when she's made to feel safe, protected and nurtured, etc.  So housework is a good thing but she has standards that I don't tend to rise to.  She has severe trouble inviting people over or going to parties or even out with people because it's going outside, or invading her comfort zone.  It's difficult for her to spend money, even on herself, because she needs the security of the money in the bank.  This competes with me who's much more free with spending, going out, inviting people and working casually rather than diligently.

Intimacy, passion, affection and romance makes me feel loved.  But she easily feels crowded so it's difficult to even get a cuddle and kisses don't go much beyond pecks on the lips because she's easily grossed out by pashing and french kissing.  Sex and intimacy is very difficult for her as it makes her feel dirty and disgusted (pretty much imagine that your mother is in the room watching you have sex or get frisky and you probably have her problem).  I'm a romantic at heart, I seriously love the cheesy stuff, more in a fun way than a serious way but she's just too self-conscious about feeling silly and having fun with it, even when alone.  Actually, I can seriously recall buying her flowers when I picked her up from work once and the first thing she said was "how much did they cost?"  :'(

Most of the people here will look at that and just think that she needs to loosen up more but it really is fault on both sides and I'm probably just not putting her case forward very well.  In the end we just have very different ways of feeling loved and we both fall short of each other's expectations.

The other unfortunate thing is that it's hard for her to admit that we have issues and she avoids relationship conversations with me because she wants to ignore the issues rather than feel insecure by facing them.  One fortunate thing about this divorce move is that it's forced her to face it so she's actually talking and discussing now.  I personally don't think we'll be able to reach a compromise that we can both live with for the rest of our lives together but I don't plan to avoid or ignore her efforts so I'll attend any marriage counseling and work with her rather than against her.  Heck if there is a chance we can find happiness together I'm not going to be stubborn and miss it.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on January 05, 2010, 05:08:24 am
Sort of know how that feels towards the end of my engagment. I was trying hard to make it work ok I did not go out much since I was at uni for three days then working for three nights so I was pretty much wasted when Saturday came round.  Thin kshe was having an affair/s not sure but the feeling was there wanted to ask and find out what was happening but in the end we broke up and by then it was not really worth finding out.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: leana on January 05, 2010, 04:23:40 pm
@ Charles...I'm sorry...Many things go past me...I can focus on stuff...but i guess most of the time i'm just in here to "relax and have fun"... 
Anyway that's kind off major, Charles....Why did you like her in the first place, cause she sounds so very diffrent to you?
@ Odd....that must have given your self-esteem a downwards shock...

@ The shrink's sofa
I think i do have a problem too....I try to do 3 things at the same time,like studying, surfing on the net,eating and watching tv at the same time...It doesn't work and gets me nowhere... I start with things and stop them...
But i guess it's not such a big deal, cause i do realize after an hour or two that it doesn't work...

Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 05, 2010, 07:39:04 pm
@Leana: you're a woman,  Women are supposed to multi-task *lol*

Why did I like her in the first place?  Well she was different.  She was far more intimate, affectionate, passionate and romantic when we were dating and engaged.  Much more care-free and adventurous too.

We dated for a year before I proposed and were then engaged for about 3 years before we married.  We didn't live together before we married but the relationship was sexual.

At school she was in sports such as discus, shotput and javelin together with swimming and her school's debate team.  She was into arts and crafts and worked at her parent's pizza joint.  She's never been particularly outgoing but she had a group of friends and would go to their places or invite them over and hang out.  She was fairly intimate and willing to have some fun with our love making as well as enjoying some of my cheesy/corny romance and even giving some back.

Effectively the woman I married is VERY different from the woman I'm married to 6 years later.  As her stress, abuse and insecurity gained, my own life sort of became more reclusive and I lost myself as I set into a routine of going to work, coming home and just phasing out into television.  But sometime through 2008 I ripped myself out of it and found my old adventurous self.  I started getting out more, even if she didn't want to come along and no matter how much she yelled at me for going.  I rediscovered the joys of socialising online and pulled trips and efforts to visit my old friends I hadn't seen in years and see my own family more often.

I've just come to realise that she isn't the same person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with 6.5 years ago and I'm not interested in spending the next 40+ years with who she is now.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on January 07, 2010, 06:13:09 am
What happened to her charles?  Which one is the real her?

It almost sounds like she's unhealthy emotionally, like living with some deep, possibly suppressed fears, if she's that reliant on security-type emotions, to the point that she loses her shit when her security framework breaks down in small ways, and also is uncomfortable with talking things over.

I've certainly seen people come out of stuff like that though.

Not saying you're not doing the right thing though...this may be just what she needs.  It's important to actively love your partner, and it sounds like she's not doing that - not remaining conscious of the fact that she loves you as she chooses her responses to things you do that bother her.  If she does love you, she oughtn't want to lose you.  On the other hand, some people think it's ok to have a relationship without love, or don't know how to love, or attach for negative reasons or out of habit instead of loving, etc etc...

Leana: I still do the same thing after years of knowing it doesn't work, so I'm no help.  Not all the time, but sometimes (usually when I'm stressed out or lazy) I still try it thinking it'll be different this time :P
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 07, 2010, 06:08:36 pm
What happened to her? Well... I have some theories and thoughts.  Before we married she was always living with family and attending some sort of education fulltime.  First she was at high-school living with her family, then she moved 600km away to the city to attend university, living with her sister and I followed her there, getting a job and renting a 2 bed room unit.  Eventually we married, she moved in with me and 6 months later she finished her Uni and started working.

Talking with the marriage counselor over a year ago she asked us to take a list of people/groups and put them in a sort of order based on priority for who's needs we regard as more important (it was worded differently but lets go on that).  Below is how an individual's list should look, how mine looked and how hers looked.

.........................
CORRECT
Yourself
Partner
Family
Friends
Work
.........................
MINE
Partner
Yourself
Family
Friends
Work
.........................
HERS
Family
Friends
Work
Yourself + Partner

Thats wasn't the list I put up at the time since I'd obviously corrected the problem of always putting her needs before my own and had switched it, but before that it was the list I had for much of our marriage and dating. But the interesting point she made is that she didn't think of us as different but as the same.  Sweet but when we're both down at the bottom... Yeah, basically the thing to remember about this list is that she regarded everyone else's needs, perceptions, opinions and stuff as not only more important than her own but more important than the one person she should love more than anyone else.  The important thing is that by thinking of us as one she was not only constantly worried about everyone's opinion, perception and criticism of her but also gaged any actions of mine as reflecting on her.  My failures are her failures, negative perceptions of me are negative perceptions of her, etc.

My theory is that before we married and moved in together, she still regarded us as separate and probably had me at the top of her list, thus she didn't see my actions as reflect on her and regarded my perceptions and needs very highly, thus having no problem with being romantic, intimate, affectionate and never going off at me.

Essentially the insecurity has always been there but I was at the top of the list during our dating, engagement and early marriage so like everyone else, I was never really able to spot it since she'd never want to have a breakdown, throw a tantrum or get angry at me and affect my perception of her.  Now thats no longer the case she's very aware of people's perceptions of corny or cheesy romance together with affection and intimacy (going back to my example that even in the seclusion of our bedroom she would act as if her mother was in the room).

At first I thought it was just stress from her work and that if we had children then she could quit her work to look after them and all would be right with the world (this was her opinion as well). But I've come to realise that work stress isn't the entire story and if we did have children guess where they would end up on the list... right down with me and her.  Their actions and failures being perceived as her own.

The solution lies in her somehow changing this list and putting herself back on top with me in second place.  So it's not even going back to exactly what we had before since that would still have her at the bottom of her own list with me at the top.  I asked for marriage counseling for quite sometime and even suggested she should see a psychiatrist about her stress but she never would because of her insecurity about people's perceptions on herself and her marriage.  By going to such people, that would be acknowledging there were issues and she couldn't do that.  It wasn't until I separated from her and put a countdown to divorce on the table that she knew there was no more hiding.  We corrected things for a while and, as before, there's certainly been a severe reduction in the abuse but there's still issues and I've had to set the clock once again to get her to acknowledge it and agree to work on it.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 07, 2010, 08:14:39 pm
.........................
CORRECT
Yourself
Partner
Family
Friends
Work
.........................
The idea of a "correct" pyramid of priorities...digs into my flesh like the cruel barbs of Barbatron the Cruel.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on January 07, 2010, 08:58:07 pm
I agree, while there might be an order that provides the greatest success it isn't "correct"
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 07, 2010, 09:25:21 pm
terminology aside you can see how the order the we each held was the cause of our demise.

I put her before myself so instead of standing up for myself when the abuse started I succumb to it and groveled every time for forgiveness basically setting in her subconscious that threatening and abusing me was the correct way to behave.

If I had my the "correct" order I'd have been standing up for myself.  But as before, the psychologist worded it differently to how I described it as an order of priorities as to who's needs come first.  Even I can acknowledge that MY phrasing doesn't quite sit right as it almost immediately brings up images of psychopaths who have no regard what-so-ever for others and are happy to kill or maim them for the most minor of reasons and desires.  But I remember thinking it was fine whatever way the marriage counselor had said it *shrug*

Hopefully you can look past the my wording of it *shrug*
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on January 07, 2010, 09:32:30 pm
I agree with the putting yourself first mindset, though.


at the very least, if you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of others?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 07, 2010, 09:54:03 pm
I agree with the putting yourself first mindset, though.


at the very least, if you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of others?

Well it depends on your views, I suppose, and how you define a "need".

my order is something like: Partner (who to me is just a glorified Friend), Friends, Self, Family (whom I don't count with Friends), Work.

But I account my own capabilities into how well I can care for my Friends, and thus anything that would interfere with those capabilities would be a problem.

So perhaps it's better to say "Value" than "Priority" in my case, where my first priority is myself, because that better serves my value of my friends, which is rather complicated for this model.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 07, 2010, 09:54:06 pm
Thats it.

I've seen similar applications of it in Dr. Phil shows and other stuff where he's had mothers who have come in and they're at their wits end because they're putting their children's well-being high and above their own and as the psychs have told them, it's not healthy for the children if their mother is stressed because she's not addressing her own needs.

Obviously we all need to have a certain level of compassion for other, etc. But you can hardly help or look out for others if you're not looking out for yourself first and letting your own life go down the toilet.

My Mrs is the perfect example of what happens when someone puts everyone else before themselves as her life is rules by people's opinions and perceptions of her and it caused an incredible amount of stress to go through life like her every action and aspect is getting judged and measured by others.

@CDSM: I can only tell you that you're headed for the same disaster I am if you put your partner before yourself.  It's not necessarily that she/he is abusive but they'll learn to tread on you because they'll find it works every time since you won't stand up for yourself and demand yourself to be treated fairly.

EDIT: how the hell did I confuse pozf with CDSM *lol*  :P
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 07, 2010, 10:17:52 pm

@CDSM: I can only tell you that you're headed for the same disaster I am if you put your partner before yourself.  It's not necessarily that she/he is abusive but they'll learn to tread on you because they'll find it works every time since you won't stand up for yourself and demand yourself to be treated fairly.


Trust me, I'm no doormat. I do this because I choose to, and I make it clear that it is because of my good will and value system, not because I'm granting them any sort of power over me.
Because I understand that putting someone else before myself doesn't mean acquiescing to every little thing they want.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on January 07, 2010, 10:28:26 pm
While I tend to be martyrish towards those I care about and I let myself be walked over to a degree, the moment it starts to effect me more than just a little I'll lash out. I don't mean lash out violently or anything, it can be anything from simply no longer putting them before me to very angry yelling...

It's all very very situational, I have no problem being used in certain ways, hell I often will put myself in the position on purpose.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 07, 2010, 10:29:26 pm
We're talking "NEEDS" rather than "wants" or "desires". Those are fairly important.  It suggest things that are necessities or which you shouldn't go without.

If you have a need to be social and get out of the house to enjoy time with friends or something, your partner pressures you to not go out and stay at home and you obey then thats fairly serious.

But if you're saying you're no doormat and if you need to get out and have a life and enjoy it then you'll stand up for yourself and do it then right there you're putting yourself first, as you should, and thus you have the "right" order.

EDIT: Certainly many of us are probably very loyal and accommodating to others but the important thing is that when something important comes to the crunch you'll hold fast to your own needs and core values.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Pozf on January 07, 2010, 10:37:58 pm
If you have a need to be social and get out of the house to enjoy time with friends or something, your partner pressures you to not go out and stay at home and you obey then thats fairly serious.

If you let that happen Everytime yes bad, but the opposite isn't good either.
I see no problem with staying back * or going out would probably be more likely in my situation*  occasionally.
It also depends on what kind of pressure your talking about
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 07, 2010, 10:43:40 pm
We're talking "NEEDS" rather than "wants" or "desires". Those are fairly important.  It suggest things that are necessities or which you shouldn't go without.

If you have a need to be social and get out of the house to enjoy time with friends or something, your partner pressures you to not go out and stay at home and you obey then thats fairly serious.

Well, I'd ditch them if they tried that. I'm not going to partner, or even be friends, with someone that tries to pressure me.


Quote
But if you're saying you're no doormat and if you need to get out and have a life and enjoy it then you'll stand up for yourself and do it then right there you're putting yourself first, as you should, and thus you have the "right" order.

EDIT: Certainly many of us are probably very loyal and accommodating to others but the important thing is that when something important comes to the crunch you'll hold fast to your own needs and core values.

True, but if the person in question actually *needs* me to be there for them (and isn't just trying to pressure me due to clinginess, jealousy, or some other insecurity), then obviously I would stay with them.

Of course, going out isn't really a need for me, I would replace that situation with "the need to go be by myself".
I try to minimize my "needs" in any case, since the majority of them are really just in my head, apart from physical ones.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on January 10, 2010, 07:21:41 pm
What happened to her? Well... I have some theories and thoughts...

Your theories sould really plausible.  That's a shame.  It sounds like it could be hard to overcome, especially if she's not willing to take a look at herself.  How are things going these days?

I guess I better check the other threads...
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: RoninAngel on January 10, 2010, 07:26:49 pm
I am sick right now. So I am sad.

I haven't really read everything about you and your partner, Charles. I'll get back to you when I have something intelligent to say about it.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 10, 2010, 07:55:04 pm
Effectively I married a woman who didn't exist and the thing thats kept me going for 5+ years was hoping she would become that woman again.  The woman I fell in love with and who made me feel loved every day I was with her.  How are things going right now... Pretty bad.

I've had her make a few obvious moves to being a little romantic but She's still avoiding the subject quite a bit so I think I'm going to set a time for us to talk each evening. Probably only need 30 minutes.  She's actually booked us a week trip to Fiji which would be great except she's constantly talking about relaxing when she gets there while I'm still wanting to use the opportunity to get out and experience the beaches, forests, water activities and culture.  But heck, it's fiji so maybe it'll help something and I can't knocker her down for effort.

But the other major issue thats just come up is that her Granddad is dying... This is her last grandparent and the only one she's ever known.  He's 94 years old and her mother is staying with us tonight on her way through to help look after him in his last days/weeks.  To give you an idea of her mother's stress over this, she's loosing her last of her original family members (her sister and mother having died some years back).

I'm trying to work out how I continue here as while I hold little or no love for her anymore I'm not a heartless bastard and I certainly care that she's going to be dealing with a family member, who she loves dearly, dying together with the rest of her family's grief while possibly having to explain to them that her marriage has also collapsed and dealing with a divorce.  I guess I just continue more gently and slowly than I may have otherwise.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 10, 2010, 08:12:07 pm
Tomorrow...I begin a new semester.

New classes.

New opportunities.

And a chance...to make a new beginning, for a new me.

Which is really the same old me.

YEAH.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 10, 2010, 09:14:52 pm
@CDSM: So who are you?  Is it different from who you want to be?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 10, 2010, 09:24:15 pm
@CDSM: So who are you?  Is it different from who you want to be?

Eh, I dunno.

I'm just sick of feeling like I have to feel out of place because no one I meet shares my views, values, or interests.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: RoninAngel on January 10, 2010, 10:25:52 pm
Effectively I married a woman who didn't exist and the thing thats kept me going for 5+ years was hoping she would become that woman again.  The woman I fell in love with and who made me feel loved every day I was with her.  How are things going right now... Pretty bad.

I've had her make a few obvious moves to being a little romantic but She's still avoiding the subject quite a bit so I think I'm going to set a time for us to talk each evening. Probably only need 30 minutes.  She's actually booked us a week trip to Fiji which would be great except she's constantly talking about relaxing when she gets there while I'm still wanting to use the opportunity to get out and experience the beaches, forests, water activities and culture.  But heck, it's fiji so maybe it'll help something and I can't knocker her down for effort.

But the other major issue thats just come up is that her Granddad is dying... This is her last grandparent and the only one she's ever known.  He's 94 years old and her mother is staying with us tonight on her way through to help look after him in his last days/weeks.  To give you an idea of her mother's stress over this, she's loosing her last of her original family members (her sister and mother having died some years back).

I'm trying to work out how I continue here as while I hold little or no love for her anymore I'm not a heartless bastard and I certainly care that she's going to be dealing with a family member, who she loves dearly, dying together with the rest of her family's grief while possibly having to explain to them that her marriage has also collapsed and dealing with a divorce.  I guess I just continue more gently and slowly than I may have otherwise.


Um... was there anything definitive that happed? Did she cheat on you or something? Are you just board? Why go to Fiji with her if you don't love her anymore?
Don't listen to me.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 11, 2010, 12:09:34 am
@CDSM: so what are those view, values and interests (high-level, roughly)

@RoninAngel: *lol* you can read it all from my second post in this page of the thread onwards.

It started with me being significantly abused verbally and emotionally by her over a year ago and now it pretty much boils down to me being unhappy in the relationship and feeling unloved.  I don't think I've really felt loved or happy in it for over 5 years.  If it was something definitive like cheating then I may have broken it off immediately, but the truth is she changed, or rather, became the person she really was sometime after we married and I've stayed in for many years in the hope that it was something she'd snap out of or that if our circumstances changed (such as having children) then it would become something that made me happy again.

But I've come to the conclusion that children aren't going to change this at all and that I've been in love with the memory of a lie for all these years.  I've stopped believing that I need to hold out for her to return to who I fell in love with and I've stopped believing that me loving someone or simply being in a relationship is enough.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on January 11, 2010, 03:21:40 am
(understatment of the year coming up) 

That is one tough situation you're in Charles  :(  I'm sure you will be able to  sort it out one way or another.  all the best for you mate.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on January 11, 2010, 08:33:08 am
@CDSM: So who are you?  Is it different from who you want to be?
That is a hell of a question right there.  By which I mean an extremely powerful question, if one takes it seriously.

@RoninAngel: *lol* you can read it all from my second post in this page of the thread onwards.

It started with me being significantly abused verbally and emotionally by her over a year ago and now it pretty much boils down to me being unhappy in the relationship and feeling unloved.  I don't think I've really felt loved or happy in it for over 5 years.  If it was something definitive like cheating then I may have broken it off immediately, but the truth is she changed, or rather, became the person she really was sometime after we married and I've stayed in for many years in the hope that it was something she'd snap out of or that if our circumstances changed (such as having children) then it would become something that made me happy again.

But I've come to the conclusion that children aren't going to change this at all and that I've been in love with the memory of a lie for all these years.  I've stopped believing that I need to hold out for her to return to who I fell in love with and I've stopped believing that me loving someone or simply being in a relationship is enough.

Where you are now is an extremely healthy place.  Please don't lose that mindset, for whatever reason.  You don't sound like you're about to, but children, for example, is one thing that would definitely cloud the issues here, and you happen to be seeing them very clearly right now imo.

@CDSM: So who are you?  Is it different from who you want to be?

Eh, I dunno.

I'm just sick of feeling like I have to feel out of place because no one I meet shares my views, values, or interests.
But the question is about You.  The answer is that you don't really want to be what you think you are, or else you wouldn't be constantly meeting/sticking with people who do not meet your expectations.  You truly, deeply, want to be more like them, whether for good reasons or for bad (need-based).

And yes, I am going all psychological on you.  Sorry about that!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 11, 2010, 08:56:30 am
@CDSM: so what are those view, values and interests (high-level, roughly)

You know, I'm not at all sure. But I can tell you it's "not anything I've heard of".

I miss not having anyone who is into art or writing like I am. That's one of the big things. No one in real life I can chat with about creativity.

@CDSM: So who are you?  Is it different from who you want to be?
That is a hell of a question right there.  By which I mean an extremely powerful question, if one takes it seriously.



But the question is about You.  The answer is that you don't really want to be what you think you are, or else you wouldn't be constantly meeting/sticking with people who do not meet your expectations.  You truly, deeply, want to be more like them, whether for good reasons or for bad (need-based).

And yes, I am going all psychological on you.  Sorry about that!

Well...I guess my deal is I grew up having a picture of friendship heavily covered by works of fiction where the "Power of Friendship" was a big deal.
And I lived my life obsessed with the dream of having a close-knit "crew" with whom I could share mutual trust, love, and support.

And I guess I'm distraught because a lot of people are just looking for someone to party with, and I need more from friendship than that.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm just really confused over the whole thing.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on January 11, 2010, 09:00:19 am
so if you want to take it to that level, then it becomes about owning your personal power, to which end the question charles asked is central.

all great people own a great degree of their personal power.  People magnetize and change to become more like their wishes and dreams, rather than the other way around.

Of course, this opens up a whole 'nuther can of worms.

..but there's a lot of stages between here and there.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 11, 2010, 09:06:13 am
So...is there a practical approach to this, or...?

Because the phrase "owning your personal power" doesn't really make any sense to me.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on January 11, 2010, 10:02:06 am
So...is there a practical approach to this, or...?

Because the phrase "owning your personal power" doesn't really make any sense to me.
really?  Um, I was trying to say that if you are what you want to be and other people are attracted to that and change to match what you're putting out there, (and/or you end up meeting and hanging out with different folk) then you are...well you're sort of putting your foot down about what you are and what your life is about, rather than letting society around you dictate what you are, or working towards fitting in somehow (which can, however, also be beneficial in some cases).  All great people do this, which can be stated as "going against all odds" or etc, etc.

And what I meant by "opening another can of worms" is that this is really a whole different thing than trying to sort out your own life, but in truth going towards this ideal in small steps can be really helpful...

Does that make any more sense?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on January 11, 2010, 10:04:14 am
In other words, give less of a shit about what the people around you are thinking, and much more of one about what you yourself are thinking, and then wait for those around you to catch up (or fall behind).
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on January 11, 2010, 10:07:45 am
sorry-I'm kind of buzzed, so if I'm not making any sense at all that's pretty understandable.

but I swear to goodness I am actually saying something here.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 11, 2010, 10:31:13 am
really?  Um, I was trying to say that if you are what you want to be and other people are attracted to that and change to match what you're putting out there, (and/or you end up meeting and hanging out with different folk) then you are...well you're sort of putting your foot down about what you are and what your life is about, rather than letting society around you dictate what you are, or working towards fitting in somehow (which can, however, also be beneficial in some cases).  All great people do this, which can be stated as "going against all odds" or etc, etc.

And what I meant by "opening another can of worms" is that this is really a whole different thing than trying to sort out your own life, but in truth going towards this ideal in small steps can be really helpful...

Does that make any more sense?

I suppose.

In other words, give less of a shit about what the people around you are thinking, and much more of one about what you yourself are thinking, and then wait for those around you to catch up (or fall behind).

Like this poster?

(http://site.despair.com/images/dpage/elitism03.jpg)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on January 11, 2010, 11:17:18 am
Exactly!!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Oddball on January 11, 2010, 11:20:10 am
or I prefer this approach:

"Don't let the bastards grind you down."
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 11, 2010, 12:28:58 pm
Well, I'll try what you say.

We'll see if it gets any results.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 11, 2010, 05:16:20 pm
@RoninAngel: *lol* you can read it all from my second post in this page of the thread onwards.

It started with me being significantly abused verbally and emotionally by her over a year ago and now it pretty much boils down to me being unhappy in the relationship and feeling unloved.  I don't think I've really felt loved or happy in it for over 5 years.  If it was something definitive like cheating then I may have broken it off immediately, but the truth is she changed, or rather, became the person she really was sometime after we married and I've stayed in for many years in the hope that it was something she'd snap out of or that if our circumstances changed (such as having children) then it would become something that made me happy again.

But I've come to the conclusion that children aren't going to change this at all and that I've been in love with the memory of a lie for all these years.  I've stopped believing that I need to hold out for her to return to who I fell in love with and I've stopped believing that me loving someone or simply being in a relationship is enough.

Where you are now is an extremely healthy place.  Please don't lose that mindset, for whatever reason.  You don't sound like you're about to, but children, for example, is one thing that would definitely cloud the issues here, and you happen to be seeing them very clearly right now imo.

When we first separated over a year ago she became convinced that we just needed to have children and that would solve everything.  Heck, I thought the same, it made sense from what I thought and believed back then as we were pretty sure that most of the stress was from her job and if she quit that and became a stay-at-home mum then she'd loose all the stress.  But I'm certainly glad it never happened as I'm now finally aware that the issues run deeper than her job and kids would certainly only complicate things.

But yeah, I'm happy with where we're at in sorting this out one way or another.  Actually she's made some action in the last 24 hours and suddenly shown some romance and affection again after over a month of almost nothing.  Guess she's decided this marriage might be worth saving after all.  I won't count my chicken's before they've hatched but progress is progress and if this marriage can turn back into something that brings happiness to my life then I'm not gonna run for the sake of running.


@CDSM:  Heh, yep UIS has pretty much got it.  I suppose flipside actually made the same point when Maytag was talking to Bloody Mary about how she'd given Melter the power to define who she was.

The Psyches often talk about who you really are and who you present to others.  We all adjust ourselves to at least a small extent around different people and groups.  Sort of making a compromise on our personality to fit in a little better.  But any work we make on ourselves to be someone we're not is stressful and the more we compromise or alter about ourselves the more stress we feel as we try to keep up the mask.  If we put too much weight on people's opinions we give up more of who we are and become more of who we want them to think we are or who they think you are.

At the same time, don't ever believe that you can't completely change who you are if you want to.  The depressed can turn themselves around and find optimism and joy, the lazy wet-blankets can find the drive to (as Nike say) just do it.  Someone addicted to drugs can find the will to break their addiction and overcome pressure and urges to return to it.

Why can that work and why is that alright?  Because it's not others who are defining you but you who are defining yourself.

On your "power of friendship" ideal... Damn I think you're on to something there.  I had the same problem and still do to a small extent.  Curse the Lord of the bloody Rings and the fellowship between Frodo and Sam! *lol* It's as bad as those air-brushed model magazines setting unrealistic expectations or standards.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 11, 2010, 06:34:24 pm
@CDSM:  Heh, yep UIS has pretty much got it.  I suppose flipside actually made the same point when Maytag was talking to Bloody Mary about how she'd given Melter the power to define who she was.

The Psyches often talk about who you really are and who you present to others.  We all adjust ourselves to at least a small extent around different people and groups.  Sort of making a compromise on our personality to fit in a little better.  But any work we make on ourselves to be someone we're not is stressful and the more we compromise or alter about ourselves the more stress we feel as we try to keep up the mask.  If we put too much weight on people's opinions we give up more of who we are and become more of who we want them to think we are or who they think you are.

At the same time, don't ever believe that you can't completely change who you are if you want to.  The depressed can turn themselves around and find optimism and joy, the lazy wet-blankets can find the drive to (as Nike say) just do it.  Someone addicted to drugs can find the will to break their addiction and overcome pressure and urges to return to it.

Why can that work and why is that alright?  Because it's not others who are defining you but you who are defining yourself.

Yeah, I see all that.
Part of my issues is that, I force myself into social contact simply to force myself into social contact to avoid being a complete loner (which I'd possibly be slightly happier with at the moment, though possibly not in the long run). I'd much rather stay at home and read a book than socialize, and I think that boredom shows through and turns people off to me.


Quote
On your "power of friendship" ideal... Damn I think you're on to something there.  I had the same problem and still do to a small extent.  Curse the Lord of the bloody Rings and the fellowship between Frodo and Sam! *lol* It's as bad as those air-brushed model magazines setting unrealistic expectations or standards.

The main difference here (and indeed, the difference between expectations for relationships and expectations for physical reality) is that those kinds of relationships are entirely possible, if people would choose to let them be. Which is why I always make an effort to be that kind of friend, because if I don't, how else will anyone believe it's possible?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 11, 2010, 07:34:42 pm
Quote
On your "power of friendship" ideal... Damn I think you're on to something there.  I had the same problem and still do to a small extent.  Curse the Lord of the bloody Rings and the fellowship between Frodo and Sam! *lol* It's as bad as those air-brushed model magazines setting unrealistic expectations or standards.

The main difference here (and indeed, the difference between expectations for relationships and expectations for physical reality) is that those kinds of relationships are entirely possible, if people would choose to let them be. Which is why I always make an effort to be that kind of friend, because if I don't, how else will anyone believe it's possible?

Oh hell yeah. I'm that close with a couple of old mates who I've known since high-school and even Primary school (My groomsmen actually).  The kind of blokes I'd give $1000+ to if they were in need and who I know would do the same for me in a time of need, etc.  Hell, the kinds of blokes who'd drive 8 hours to visit you in a time of emotional crisis and who you'd be comfortable talking to about such things.

I think it's more that we need to understand that not all friendships will, can or need to be at that level.  You get mates who you get along with at work but would hardly ever contact outside work hours and who you'd probably loose touch with if either of you changed jobs.  You get mates you share a common interest with that you get together with for activities relating to the interest (sports, games, hobbies), but who you probably wouldn't get together with otherwise. You get mates who you'd invite 'round or get together with for lunch or a movie, etc but probably wouldn't share your marital issues with.  Granted, many of those may become those very close friends that you treasure in your life, but it's no big worry if they don't.

Heh, I'm reminded of the old saying: "A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sat next to you in the cell"
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 11, 2010, 08:57:32 pm
Oh hell yeah. I'm that close with a couple of old mates who I've known since high-school and even Primary school (My groomsmen actually).  The kind of blokes I'd give $1000+ to if they were in need and who I know would do the same for me in a time of need, etc.  Hell, the kinds of blokes who'd drive 8 hours to visit you in a time of emotional crisis and who you'd be comfortable talking to about such things.

I think it's more that we need to understand that not all friendships will, can or need to be at that level.  You get mates who you get along with at work but would hardly ever contact outside work hours and who you'd probably loose touch with if either of you changed jobs.  You get mates you share a common interest with that you get together with for activities relating to the interest (sports, games, hobbies), but who you probably wouldn't get together with otherwise. You get mates who you'd invite 'round or get together with for lunch or a movie, etc but probably wouldn't share your marital issues with.  Granted, many of those may become those very close friends that you treasure in your life, but it's no big worry if they don't.

Yeah. I don't need every friend for that, though, I just need one. The fact I don't have that one hurts the rest of my friendships due to the bitterness of needing more and not getting it.

I need a Watson to my Sherlock Holmes!


Quote
Heh, I'm reminded of the old saying: "A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sat next to you in the cell"

And the truest friends steal a helicopter and bust you out of prison (http://www.badassoftheweek.com/paleokostas.html).
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 11, 2010, 10:00:37 pm
You need the kind of guy you'd call on to be the best man at your wedding... or the woman you plan to marry. *meh* enjoy your life reset, discover your interests and find groups who gather for those interests.  Thats your best chance.... or get a dog (man's best friend ;D)

As long as your getting up every morning and looking in the mirror to bathe in your own awesomeness... your doing your life right.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: CrystalDragonSpaceMarine on January 11, 2010, 10:07:30 pm
I'd rather bathe in the blood of my enemies, but...you're right.

I need a hyperintelligent dog. Like Brian from Family Guy.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: charles on January 11, 2010, 10:13:37 pm
Then he'd just make you feel dumb  :P

hmmm, go for an English bulldog like the one in the new Sherlock Holmes movie... That'll cover your Watson *LOL*

(http://dogs.y2u.co.uk/photo/English_Bulldog_Henry_Dozing.jpg)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on June 25, 2014, 06:41:58 pm
Just wanted to say BE FUCKING CAREFUL WHO YOU MARRY AND HAVE KIDS WITH!!!

Probably seems like common sense to some people, who probably have self esteem and other mentally healthy attributes, like perhaps a somewhat accurate understanding of themselves and their position in the world...it sure wasn't obvious to me.  I simultaneously had no standards and was not honest with myself about exactly how useless I am as a person...pretty sure I shouldn't have reproduced. I am an alcoholic with little or no original ideas, inner motivation (except to get laid...and be good to my kids, and the kids of the world in general...ok I do have tons of inner motivation about certain things, but I am really not A MAN, in the sense of being a leader and GETTING THINGS DONE. And I want to be A MAN. I relate with my male energy, I don't feel happy taking a passive role in relationships...and yet I have ooooodles of female energy, I am reactive to the point of ridiculousness, my default position is always the position of others, and I just don't hardly have any original thoughts, just reactive ones...reactive to my life, assembling the positions of others, reconciling and appraising, AT ALL TIMES, 100% of the time. I am addicted to self-improvement stuff or just anything I can watch. It's so hard for me to create.)

My marriage has fucking laid my life to waste now, she needles me and drains my energy. It's subconscious I think, not intentional, but she is very active in NOT WANTING ME TO GET ANY BETTER (improve myself) because she knows I want desperately to leave her and am attracted to tons of women, and often even attract them too. Stagnation is the opposite of growth which is the opposite of life in my opinion, and it's really killing me because I know it, but I feel I can't leave it because I don't want to hurt my kids, though I'm getting close to making the leap of faith, with the hopes that I can be a better dad when I'm not miserable and broken.

However, I've been saying I'm close to leaving for seriously about a decade now. Sigh.

Anyway, BE FUCKING CAREFUL WITH PREGNANCY!!!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on June 26, 2014, 07:12:51 am
UIS, I've never been in your situation and won't pretend It's a patented truth, but as I see it from your write-out, you are hurting yourself by staying, and really, don't for a second fool yourself into thinking your kids don't know what's going on. Problem is, kids have a tendency to blame themselves for when their parents can't cope and in that way, you might be hurting them too by staying in a destructive relationship. And damn sure you'll be a better dad if you're not miserable and broken.

My advice is to try find that last energy reserve and use it to say enough is enough. Then try to kick the booze and if that's too much, try to ease off as much as possible. Then make your own Life as a single dad or some other constellation. I for one is polyamourous, have Always been and have had the fortune to meet someone that reciprocate that view on love. And while we have not found any others to include in our lives It's something that we strive towards as a couple. (We won't ever have kids though, strictly sphynx cats for us.)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on June 27, 2014, 09:48:54 pm
Thanks a lot Emp!!! Thanks for reading my rambling rant and actually pulling some sense out of it.  I was not drunk at the time by the way, but reading back it sure looked like it.  Just at a low point. Good to type it out.

I've contacted a psychologist now and will be having a first session coming up. I'm reserving all decisions except the one to do my best to keep moving forward towards the best possible outcome. I've dabbled with the idea of seeing a psych before but I feel way more committed now.

Do you live with your partner?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on June 28, 2014, 01:28:10 am
I do live with my partner since three and a half years back now. And A psychologist could be a very good idea. Something that actually helped me a lot was submitting myself to a shamanistic healing session, even though I don't belive in spiritualism, it really felt as if I left as a whole person where before I had felt like a lost lonely entity in a vast void of my own mind.
That was about a year ago. I still have all the practical and emotional problems of Life but I am able to view them in a different light and have it easier to see the ways around or sollutions to any given situation in a way I couldn't Before.
On the downside, something that's also positive in a sense is that I now have a lot of angst regarding certain types of choises. Before I had avoided that specific angst by just picking what I percived as the expected choise and got a different kind of angst when it ended up wrong in some way no matter what and I was accused of lying...
Now I get angst since my unconcious see the choise as a trap and refuses to decide at all and locking me up mentally instead.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on July 06, 2014, 12:45:34 am
I hope things get better for you, UIS... it's good to see you around these parts.

This probably doesn't help-- but I know when my parents split up, I was super relieved. They were miserable together and I think it made it worse for us growing up. Hard to say though, we were all adults when it finally happened.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on July 08, 2014, 08:40:22 pm
Emp!

Wow that is super deep...I can relate, actually. I used to make every single decision with "Eeny Meeny Miney Moe" when I was a kid, (it's a rhyme where you point to different things with each word of the rhyme and when you say the last word, what you're pointing to is your choice), because I was terrified of any decision at all.  This was for, like, choosing which candy bar to eat or something like that. If there was a socially expected choice for a more important decision, of course I went for that. It took me years to get out of that and actually start making decisions for myself and thinking about what I actually wanted, and with the more important social decisions, I'm still working on unprogramming myself. When I was a kid, at first it seemed like fun to my overly logical and analytical mind to have some system to determine an outcome which required no thought, but later it became a burden and I always made myself so angry by leaving myself out of every equation.

Now, it's so ingrained in me to do what others want or society expects that I have to be constantly vigilant against it. Another thing that has come of fighting (internally) to make my own decisions is that I have found out what an asshole I am, which is coming as somewhat of a surprise. What I actually want is often so out of line with what society or the people around me want, or what my past behavior has conditioned those close to me to expect, that it's quite shocking and adds another layer of difficulty on my goal of actually making my own choices from within.

Akasha...great to see you...feel free to come visit me in Taiwan anytime. If my wife leaves me for hanging out with you, so be it!! No, just kidding, I would have to largely leave you to your own devices due to work and family and being too old to keep up, but I could show you the good clubs and give you a couple good nights of my energy and focus!
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on July 09, 2014, 02:23:42 am
Yeah, it is Deep, and really, there is no way to be happy if we keep catering to others to the extent that we extinguish ourselves. Sure, others are valuable, but unless we put ourselves as equal to or some times more worthy than others, we'll just end up miserable slaves to others without them even knowing it. They assume we do it willingly and without depleting ourselves just because we let them belive it by not speaking out when it costs us too much. We need to find that middle way, and that level of social favours and catering is unique to each and every one of us. Some simply can't socialize with anyone, some has to and feeds emotionally on the company of others. Most of us are on an infinite sliding scale in between. And I assume there are people who are on the side of it all and just defy definition alltogether.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on July 09, 2014, 09:55:03 pm
I need tons of alone time, but I love to interact with children, but mostly as a humorous authority/teacher figure. I'm not really capable of true playfulness with others as equals...kind of disappointing...it makes me nervous and uncomfortable.  There are bursts of it that occur, but it's not normal for me at all.

I'm also way sexual, probably unhealthily so, which is kind of weird because I'm pretty antisocial.

I hope I'm not a sociopath or whatever.  Luckily, I'm going to start counseling tomorrow.

where do you fit in to the social needs scale?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on July 10, 2014, 02:27:30 am
For me, my social needs vary, some days, I get panic-level stress and angst from any physical presense within sight while text or skype/team speak interaction is comforting, especially while playing cooperative games.
Other days I don't know what to do without physical company, be it friendly or love doesn't matter because to me, the only difference is that a partner is a female friend that I can have sex with, it all depends on what kind of relation a given female friend wants. I love my male friends equally intensely, difference beeing I don't get sexually attracted to men.

Over all, I'd say I'm pretty social, I don't mind beeing alone and doo need it quite frequently, but I just can't handle lonelyness.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: akashayi on July 10, 2014, 03:02:43 am
I don't think there's anything wrong with being an introvert/antisocial. Definitely for me, I need lots of alone time too- which is where I get my energy/recharge my batteries.

Doesn't mean I can't be hella sexual and enjoy life in my own way. And sexuality is a natural part of being a human, so....
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on September 01, 2014, 08:50:40 pm
I wanna be more natural with my human parts!

jk-very well said Akasha.

I couldn't imagine not being introverted actually. Imagine being dependent on interaction with others for happiness!! I like being totally self-sufficient...

...though it's never "totally".

So, what happens when two introverts get together romantically?
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on September 02, 2014, 06:21:41 am
A whole lot of sitting in the same room chatting over the internet? ;)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on September 10, 2014, 09:38:10 pm
"I met my lover while we were sitting on a sofa at a party. We discovered that we had common interests in 'extrovert-watching' and 'wallflowering'. Also we like to read, replay conversations in our head, and avoid social contact...um, together."

Not really, just joking.

Man, just had a discussion with my wife...was really needed, but boy those are...well they require a lot of presence and attention. Mostly just me sitting there and providing space for her emotions to express. She says the most horrible things!! But, she doesn't mean them. Most of being with her is just striving not to get into it with her. I think this is a big part of being a man (ie. male role) actually.

She says if we ever divorced she'd have to leave the country!! She couldn't stand being around while I got another girlfriend.......ugh, I sometimes feel I want to blow my brains out. Of course that wouldn't help anything.

I don't think she would...but when she says these things it hurts me so badly! (for those who don't know, I have two kids and if they left the country it would be about equivalent to me having a foot removed...maybe...I haven't actually given much thought as to losing which body part would be the equivalent of my kids moving far away.)
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on September 11, 2014, 04:26:29 am
I Think you should advise her to seek counseling for her insecurities...
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: UmberIsSexy on September 11, 2014, 07:39:22 am
Thanks! That's what I did today. I explained that I believe that she carries a lot of "emotional baggage", not in so many words, but I pointed out some examples that illustrate this point pretty clearly, and presented it in the context of "If you don't get some help, I don't think I can stay." She agreed for a second, and then went right back to attacking me brutally. After she had had her fill, she was in a great mood, chatting with family and friends happily on her phone, while I was left...well I actually was pretty okay because of some meditation techniques and a book I've been reading by Eckhart Tolle. I was able to "ground out" or breathe through a lot of the emotion she was throwing at me and not get involved in it, but I was still reeling somewhat just from the concentration and from flowing with all those hurtful words.

I don't want to talk badly about her. (and by that I mean I would LOVE to talk badly about her, but it just wouldn't be right) I have my own part in this, and part of it is not sitting in my own truth fully, and therefore blaming her for a lot of stuff and directing a lot of anger towards her, where a lot of problems could have been avoided if I had just taken responsibility for my part, my role in everything, or just being conscious of what I've been doing sometimes subconsciously to her.

And by that I mean basically just stepping up and making decisions that need to be made, rather than just allowing things to happen passively or half-assedly and then getting butthurt about the outcome and as a result being shitty to her for no reason that has anything to do with the situation at hand.

But anyway, I think I learned something today: I don't really expect her to change her ways. She seems very content to stay where she's at, whereas I am always internally focused, trying to get better and better, always seeking the next level of success, peace, power, and clarity...not that I'm at a high level, but that's what I'm interested in, personally progressing in different ways.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: Emp_Dragon on September 11, 2014, 01:51:54 pm
Maybe couple's therapy then if you really want her close. I understand the kids complicates things, but if the relationship really doesn't work, I'd suggest you try negotiate shared custody and split.
Title: Re: Shrink's sofa
Post by: phillip1882 on November 12, 2014, 06:13:22 pm
my journey into insanity:
a little over a year ago, a bizarre series of events took place for me over a 6 month period.
this story will be spotty because i don't really have all the details down well.
it was my 31 birthday. my mother drove me to my weekly meeting with my friends,
where i play a board game known as Go. She drove me instead of me driving myself because i was feeling uneasy about the night. near the end of the night, the music playing for the restaurant turned very demonic for me. My mother came to pick me up and we drove home. confused and afraid, I asked to sleep in the same bed as her. my father was in another state visiting family. while trying to sleep, i was suddenly overcome with vision of having sex with her. mortified i left the room and went back to my own bed. i got no rest that night. after a few hours i tried to understand what was happening, and i asked the question, "how would God give birth to himself." suddenly it felt like i was being pushed down from above. after that i decided i needed to commit  suicide. i have always been a little suicidal but this time i meant it. my bible fell from a table, seemingly of its own accord, but i ignored it and called 911.  they brought me to the hospital. as i entered the hospital i heard a woman yell, "No its not okay to do that to your mother!" i signed my name for involuntary placement, with no advocate. the next day, they asked me to sign myself in again, but this time i put Jesus as the name. I met an old woman who said, "you know who the infidel is? the Christians!" a few hours later i ate the Jesus paper. suddenly it felt like someone else was in control of my body. that someone wanted me to forgive someone else, but i interrupted him and said Jesus. i ran to a window with a view of were i entered and whole heartily believed i could signal my past self from entering the hospital. as i did so, i saw a bright light come out of my hand.
suddenly everyone in the hospital vanished and i was alone. i wandered the hall for a full day before reality reasserted itself and i could see people again. deeply depressed, i tried to take my own life by banging the back of my head against a wall. i heard that old woman's voice say: "all except you!" the next day i tried again. and the time she said "no more activities". i tried a third time. this time they gave me some kind of medication that had a very bizarre effect on me. i went directly into the hall and kept twisting a locked doorknob over and over again, saying to myself "just look at the button!". after about an hour of doing this i was finally able to get myself to stop.
my parents came to visit me the next day. i signed myself out and they brought me home.
 the next few months were akward. books in particular were strange. they seemed to be communicating with me. the bible was a very interesting read during this time. Jesus said to me through my bible that i would now need to become wiser than all the saints and sages.